There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain … go for the pleasure

rock shadows
When my estranged husband died, I was just starting out on a new relationship. Sometimes I think the Universe conspired for these two events to collide in time and space. There was great pain and at the same time great pleasure.

My ability to recover relatively quickly from such a traumatic event in my life was because I followed pleasure before I took care of the pain. I concentrated all my efforts on how wonderful it felt being with someone I could love, and who loved me even at my worst. Of course the pain seeped in and sometimes obliterated all thoughts of pleasure, but it was one of the happiest times of my life.

Lisa M Hayes, writes:

The people who are very successful at recovering from their breakups without a doubt are the ones who commit to moving toward their best feeling places with the steam of a freight engine fueled by a desire to find relief.


This is not to say I advocate just sweeping your lessons under the rug, out of sight out of mind.  I am saying, I strongly recommend taking them out in the light of day when you have the strength to be most effective learning the lessons to be learned. […]  Always, always, follow your pleasure before you explore your pain, or do anything else for that matter. ~ How to Get Over a Breakup at Warp Speed

Now, I admit, following pleasure in difficult circumstances brings with it a truck load of guilt. It can’t be moral, ethical or even good manners to pursue joy when your whole world is turning to shit, can it? We feel selfish, indulgent and a sense of being in denial.

The same thing can happen when we begin the journey of leaving our body image issues behind. We enjoy sleeping in instead of exercising, and we catch ourselves thinking how fantastic we look in that new dress that is a size bigger than we used to be.

Don’t feel guilty. Don’t think you have to deal with the pain before you have experienced the pleasure. Celebrate a day without a binge, feel smug that you don’t have to log your calories, be happy that a walk made you feel better than a run ever has and drown yourself in the pleasure of a slice of cheesecake even if you ate it when you weren’t hungry.

Focus on the pleasure in your life. Wallow in your happiness and leave the pain for when you are strong and healthy and can learn from it. You don’t need to fix everything right now … if at all. You may find those things that seemed so important just fall away into insignificance on their own.

I drowned in love instead of death, in sexual intimacy instead of abandonment, and cried with joy instead of in sorrow.

When the flowers grew up towards the sun, the weeds withered in their shadow. Tending the flowers meant the weeds died of their own accord.

Seek after pleasure and find the joy in your new experience. Save confronting the pain until you are strong, healthy and renewed. Only then will you learn the lessons pain brings and heal completely with only the trace of a scar.

→ Image:  Photographed July 3, 2011, Wattamolla Beach, Canon EOS 7D, focal length 28mm, aperture 9.0, shutter speed 1/250, ISO 200.

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

4 thoughts on “There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain … go for the pleasure

  1. Hi Katie,
    I haven’t commented like in forever, but today I just want to say how important the paragraph you wrote about Focus on the pleasure in your Life etc….it’s so true and relates to any aspect of our Lives…so thank you for reminding me! Great to see you happy….

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