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Tag Archives: suicide

Sep282015Jan 14 2016

You Can’t Write That

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness

The man was tall and broad chested. At the end of his bulging arm he waved a piece of paper. “I’m an expert,” he shouted, “and you can’t write that. Your words make it worse. People need love not judgment.” He tore the paper into shreds and dropped it on the floor. ≡ The woman was… Read More

Sep102015Jan 14 2016

Suicide • Why Nobody Loves Me Isn’t a Good Enough Reason to Kill Yourself

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness

When I wrote 10 Things You Should Know Before You Kill Yourself, I spoke from the only perspective I know — my experience as the wife of a man who took his own life. A lot of people respond negatively to that post claiming their situation is different because they are alone and will be… Read More

Sep22015Sep 4 2015

Marked in Ink • a Search for Immortality

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness

On my left wrist, scratched into my skin is a red heart with angel’s wings. I had it done on my 45th birthday at The Illustrated Man. It was the last birthday I spent with my late husband. His birthday present to me was a fountain fashioned from a vase and a bowl, cobbled together to… Read More

Apr252015Sep 9 2015

T is for Trauma • #atozchallenge

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness

I read in a book once about the difference between a traumatic event and a terrible one. I’ve spent the last couple of hours trying to find the exact words, but to no avail. I thought it was in this book about a chaplain whose job it is to notify people of the death of… Read More

Apr152015May 12 2015

M is for Memorial • #atozchallenge

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness

The 15th April, 2010 was a day not much different to today. The autumn sun had slipped lower in the sky, making the day cool enough for a jacket. As I was putting my mascara on in the bathroom, ahead of a normal day at work, the telephone rang. The man on the other end of… Read More

Apr112015

J is for Journey • #atozchallenge

by KatieP, in category Health | Sexuality

He is walking up the road in front of me, wearing the heavy boots he never took off, black jeans and a backpack slung over his shoulder. In his hand is a silver gift bag, like the ones they give away in expensive shops. When he gets to the top of the hill, he turns… Read More

Mar192015Apr 16 2015

Letting Go of the Past • #1000speak

by KatieP, in category Health | Sexuality
letting-go-of-the-past--#1000speak

When my husband took his own life, he took part of mine with him. I was angry at him for a long time. In one moment he completely transformed the way I saw the world. I could no longer think clearly, believe in a benevolent Universe, or trust in my ability to understand people. He shattered… Read More

Jan72015Aug 26 2015

Selfish Grief • Mourning the Loss of Myself

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness

When I read about other people’s grief, I am ashamed. I cannot legitimately take my place among those who mourn the loss of someone they loved, someone who they miss every day and who they long to see again for just a few moments. My husband is dead, and the manner of his death was unnatural… Read More

Sep112014Sep 11 2014

Are You Okay?

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness
are you okay

Are you okay?
I ask my boyfriend.
He frowns, knowing what the question means.
I’m not going to kill myself, he says.

Sep102014Nov 10 2015

World Suicide Prevention Day • For Those Left Behind

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness
world suicide day • for those left behind

If one person dies globally from completing suicide every 40 seconds, and almost 80% of those people are men, there are many, many wives, girlfriends and partners left behind. This post is for those who are still here and have to live with the grief and trauma of knowing someone who chose to end their life.

Aug132014Aug 14 2014

Raise Your Hand • Not Waving, Drowning

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness
not waving, drowning

They say we should ‘start a conversation’ about depression but sometimes it’s impossible to find the words. At *Not Waving Drowning* all you need to do is raise your hand and others will give you their time, their love and their support without you having to explain anything.

Aug122014Aug 12 2014

The Beautiful Shoes • a Fairytale

by KatieP, in category Head | Creativity
the beautiful shoes • a fairytale

Once upon a time there was a beautiful, kind and sensitive princess named Robyn. She spent her days visiting the kingdom’s hospital, where sad men and women came to rest when life became too overwhelming. She sat by their bedsides, held their hands, and told them stories she created from her imagination.

Aug112014Aug 12 2014

Taking the Bus • a Love Story

by KatieP, in category Head | Creativity
taking the bus • a love story

I stretch my fingers resting on his thigh, coming in contact with the hard seam of his jeans. I read once that sitting side by side rather than face to face with a man makes it easier for him to talk. My boyfriend and I have never run into the problem of not being able to talk, no matter how we are seated. I don’t think sitting side by side with Jack would have encouraged him to open up. He kept his dark thoughts to himself, right up until the end.

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Author – Katie Paul

I have survived adoption, bulimia and the suicide of my husband, more or less unscathed. I attribute my resilience to my guardian angels Bob, Fred and Hugo.

I used to be a stage manager but gave it all up to create beautiful images and to write about loss, love, lust and longing. I get a bit raunchy at times because that’s the way life should be – full of big juicy moments. I'm sure Bob, Fred and Hugo agree.

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