I have experienced the double whammy of weight gain – quitting smoking and entering full-blown menopause. Now, while just ‘eating less and moving more’ or ‘mindful eating’ might have worked when I was younger, at a certain age, losing weight gets harder and harder. I needed to do something more than simply count calories. In the… Read More
In a few days I will turn 51. It is not a momentous birthday like my last one (and I’m not in KL to celebrate it sadly), but I have come to a significant understanding — I am not cut out to be a Midlife Lady — at least not the type I sometimes encounter online. Here… Read More
The girl had wished for a unicorn her whole life. She had seen the beautiful creatures in magazines with the most successful recording artists, models and actresses and she knew she was just the kind of person who could have one for herself. She also knew boys adored girls with unicorns and with one, she would… Read More
On a cold September morning in 2009, I sat in the bottom of the shower sobbing so hard I was almost sick. I wasn’t upset because someone had died, or was ill, or had been hurt in any way, I was crying because I had binged the night before and my morning weigh-in had shown the ugly… Read More
Women seem to have the hardest time with overeating, dieting and obsessing about food. Perhaps the reason for this is that most women have a feminine essence which desires the sensation of fullness. A masculine essence, on the other hand, it all about finding peace and nothingness and is illustrated in their need to zone out… Read More
When I decided to enter a body-building competition in my forties, there was something the trainers and seasoned competitors forgot to tell me. They forgot to warn me that once you’ve experienced being so thin that your tailbone digs into the chair, any weight higher than that will feel fat. So from my point of view, I spend… Read More
So here I am with my warpaint on — fighting myself while knowing that even if I win, I still lose.
I hated every single photo I took today. I don’t know if it was my hair, or the way I was feeling, but I just look bloated and old in every frame.
I see so much beauty in the world, sometimes so much I worry that I’ll explode from the joy it brings. But when it comes to myself … not so much.
What if taking a self-portrait helped me accept who I am and what I look like?
The idea seemed feasible. Totally feasible but completely scary.
Here are my wounds. Here are my scars. Body shame, shyness, anxiety, guilt, fear, hopelessness.
Will they ever be fixed? I don’t think so. Is darkness such a bad thing?
Somewhere along the way, pleasure has developed a bad reputation. According to the experts, only selfish people give in to their desires. I don’t agree.
Please make welcome the lovely Katerina Edwards who is guest posting today. The moment I take off my clothes, the feelings of self-worthlessness creep in. “I think you should lose some weight,” the massage therapist murmurs. Her words hit me right in my fleshy, untoned, cortisol-bellied stomach, right in the most sensitive, guarded and protected part of… Read More
