I was taught at church that having sexual desires and/or attracting sexual desire was a sin. They gave it a special name — the lust of the flesh.
Human sexuality was seen as a rampaging carnal impulse which must be abolished at all costs. Impure thoughts, even without any action, had the potential to cast you into the depths of hell at any moment. The only remedy for this huge character flaw was to get married. Apparently God didn’t quite get the design right when he gave us a libido years before it was appropriate to have one.
Not surprisingly, my sexuality came with a huge side order of shame. Not only did I find all manner of boys and men attractive, I also enjoyed watching them look at me when I wore a tight skirt or a low-cut blouse. I suppose I should have worried about objectification, but to be honest, I was too busy asking God to forgive me for masturbating (again!). I was ashamed of my desires and thought they somehow made me a bad person.
I no longer feel that way, but I know women who still do. The tentacles of religion reach deep into people’s hearts, turning what is healthy and normal into something to be kept under control.
But it’s not true.
Human sexuality is one of our greatest gifts. To be able to connect with another — skin on skin, mouth on mouth — is divine pleasure. It is no coincidence that we cry out ‘Oh God’ in the throes of passion, as we glimpse for a moment the bliss of being beyond what our minds can comprehend.
Our culture has become sexualised, with scantily clad women featuring in car and beer commercials, and yet we are sometimes prudish when it comes to discussing sex. If we’re married, then married sex is private and personal and one shouldn’t talk about it in polite company. If we’re not married and getting jiggy outside the blessing of the church, then we pretend it’s not happening. We don’t talk about masturbation or porn or the best positions to stimulate our G-spots.
It is my heartfelt desire that we could all be more open and frank about our sexuality, and embrace it once and for all as a wonderful, glorious gift. It is not shameful or wrong to be overtaken by sexual desire — it’s what brings sparks of light to our existence.
Let’s celebrate our sexuality today, by saying “Fuck yeah.”
This post is part of the A to Z Challenge.
13 thoughts on “S is for Sexuality”
Shame does nobody any good. You make very valid points in this post.
I detest shame, too. Thanks for your comment x
A much preferable view point. Though I imagine it would have been difficult to control women and convince them that they were property instead of people in the ancient times without such belief. Notice how when one idea sheds, the other quickly follows. Shame of the body was something the European invaders brought to America. A lack of that shame is actually a trademark of what they called “savages.” My tribe, for example, wore clothing mainly for protection from the elements. That was it. I’m sitting here in boxers right now, just protecting the furniture, I suppose. Then again, I’m not unclean. Huh. Now I honestly can’t figure out why I’m wearing these while sitting alone in my home. LOL!
Interesting point about a lack of shame being a hallmark of being “savage”. I must ponder on this more …
Other than that they are comfortable, and keep certain dangling parts from certain issues… yup, still haven’t figured out the boxer logic. LOL.
Yes i grew up with that belief sex is only for having children not pleasure
Agreed. Sex is natural. No need for shaming.
It took me 32 years to feel comfortable in my sexuality and now I don’t look back. I have very frank open conversations with girlfriends and some of them will actually come to me for advice about sex. I love sex. I love how it makes me feel – ALIVE!
Thankfully I now have a partner who loves it as much as I do. 😉
Yay for good sex with a great partner!
This particular blog post is of grave importance. What you have written about here is a serious matter in our world.
My intention was to simply comment…but my response ended up being too long for a comment. So, I have quoted a portion of your article and posted my response on my own blog.
If you are interested, you can see my write-up here: http://www.marriedandhappy.com/blog/1212/parents-children-and-sexuality/
First of all thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my article – although I would appreciate it if you made the link at least clickable.
Secondly, you and I are always going to disagree on matters pertaining to God, as I don’t believe in him and you do. I also have a vastly different approach to relationships, as I am unmarried and “living in sin”, which has bought me more happiness than marriage ever has.
It feels a little weird that you are using me to illustrate your religious point, but I guess that’s what happens when I make my experiences public.
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