My childhood was terrible.
My parents never raised their voices in anger. Instead there was cold quiet seething flowing underneath every difficult discussion.
Maybe your parents shouted at each other?
My mother taught me that anger, fear and sadness were weak emotions that should never be expressed.
Maybe your mother was always having an anxiety attack or a tension headache?
My mother taught me that food was used to show love but she was always too busy to eat with us.
Maybe there wasn’t enough food to go around in your house?
At school I was teased for being the teacher’s pet so I pretended I didn’t know the answers.
Maybe you didn’t know the answers so you were teased for being dumb?
I was adopted so I always felt I had to earn my parent’s love.
Maybe you were an accident so you felt like you didn’t belong.
My parents bought me everything I wanted but never asked how I felt.
Maybe your parents were as poor as church mice and you wore your sister’s clothes?
Ξ
No-one had a perfect childhood. Not me, not you, and not your best friend. No matter what the circumstances, no matter how much you were loved, looking back now you can see what your childhood lacked.
My childhood was shit because … I was a child.
When I was a kid … well, I was a kid. I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t understand the world and I didn’t have the choice to say “yes” or “no”.
I was dependent on someone else for everything — food, shelter, affection, entertainment, education, safety, happiness and belonging. I wasn’t able to choose for myself.
It’s tough being made to follow the rules, keep the peace and protect the family’s secrets. It’s a hard road to make it through childhood intact.
And yet here we are … grown up and experienced … and still we blame our troubles on our childhood.
We bring the feelings of powerlessness and inferiority into the present day.
You are no longer a kid.
You get to make choices.
You can say “yes” and you can say “no”.
You are the one in control of how you live your life.
Stop blaming the past. Stop giving away your right to choose.
Choose to be whoever you want. Choose to leave the past behind. Choose to give that child inside you the love you never got enough of when you were a kid.
Everyone’s childhood was shit. It’s time to get over it and get on with living today in the way that you choose.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi dear Katie! I am back to the blogging world, with purpose this time : ) Oh how I have grown.
Amazing post – I have had a tough time learning about why I am the way I am without “blaming” or “hanging on” to old crap. It has been nice to acknowledge the things that have contributed to any pain in my life and to say “okay – it is what it is and I am cool with that” and then chuck it out the window. I know that at one point it was there, I will probably never totally forget it, I may have a quick though of it from time to time because something happens to stir up a memory. However, I will not take my pain/past out, hold it, look it over, ponder over it, obsess on it or anything of that nature because I have thrown it away. I am no longer holding onto my shit. I am getting on with myself and it is a beautiful thing!
Welcome back Jess
You bring up a good point — that the pain has to be acknowledged before we move on. It’s not denial or suppression, just release. There is also the other side of it — we can remember the lessons the past has taught us and keep those skills with us in the present.
Thanks sweetheart ♥
I really appreciate this post, Katie, and I love that you have written on this topic and been so blunt and honest about it. You are so right – the past happened and it wasn’t perfectly rosy for any of us, but the past is the past and we can’t change it, but we have complete control over the present. An analogy I’ve heard on this subject that I really like is that the issues that we’ve held on to from childhood are like suitcases that we’ve been carrying around that really belong to our parents and so now, instead of holding on to them are whole life, all we have to do is just let them go and move on. And make the choice to not use our childhood issues as an excuse anymore – that is key.
Thanks again for this great post!
xx
Grace — I love the idea of a suitcase that doesn’t even belong to us. If it’s not even ours we don’t have to carry it any more. Brilliant!
Ah, this is a relief to hear. It can be so confusing when we carry old stuff into the present.
Hey Halley … like Grace said in the comment before … just put down that suitcase x
Yes! : )
I sometimes read comments on your blog that say ‘I want to print this post out and keep it with me’. Well, of all your posts, this is the one I want to keep. It is the wisdom that resonates with everyone who has ever suffered emotionally or physically as a child and chosen to ‘get over it’ rather than harbour resentment and use it as an excuse for woes in their adult life.
There are words from here I want to say to MY kids, to let them know I understand how they’re feeling when things currently outside their control don’t work out as they’d wished. That it won’t be forever. That the way THEY handle it now IS their choice, part of growing up, and understanding this now will define and strengthen them for the rest of their lives.
Duckfish x
Thanks baby ♥
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