I May Not Know What Every Woman Wants in Bed but I Know What I Want

I’ve been blaming my changing tastes in the bedroom on my midlife hormones, but to be honest, I’ve been this way for a long time.

You see, I’m one of those women who like to be sexually ravished. Actually, ravished is too mild a word, I like to be fucked.

I’m almost certain I’m not alone, but as I can’t speak for all women, I’ll speak for myself. I’m not interested in sweet tender lovemaking surrounded by scented candles — I would rather be pushed up against the kitchen bench and have my knickers ripped off. I want to be taken, possessed and overpowered.

I believe in sexual polarity, the oppositional forces of feminine and masculine energies. In my sexual life, I don’t want to be the boss, be in control or be in charge. I want to inhabit the moment rather than direct it. I want to feel rather than think.

Fortunately for me, I have a boyfriend who I can talk to about anything, and who doesn’t mind how we have sex, as long as we have it. I haven’t been missing out on the type of sex I like, but I have been apologising for it.

Lately, I’ve been saying, “I’m sorry I’m not more romantic and loving.” He waves away my protestations with a somewhat satisfied post-coital smile.

After reading this post recently about sexual aggression, I’ve decided to stop apologising for my preferences and imagining that I’m some kind of sexual deviant. I’m no longer ashamed of my desires because they aren’t as unusual as I’ve been led to believe.

Our basic animal urges, those ones we’ve been taught to suppress and ignore by religion, are what keep the fires of love and lust burning. When we try to domesticate our desires, we turn wolves into lap-dogs — which might be fine for some people, but it’s not fine for me.

I like a bit of the (fully consensual) ‘rough’ stuff and I will not longer make any excuses for it. I may not know what every woman wants in bed, but I know what I want.

I know what I want twitter

Do you like to ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

About Katie Paul

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing • Join the hottest group on FB → Sassy Midlife Women

23 thoughts on “I May Not Know What Every Woman Wants in Bed but I Know What I Want

  1. I’m definitely a fucker (probably in more ways than one). But you said the most important thing: “fully consensual.” I’ve been on the receiving end of the non-consensual stuff and that is not a place I want to be again, at least not in real life. Now that’s a fucking dichotomy.

    Good for you for silencing the apologies!

  2. Make love, mostly :0 Kind of boring, I know. There we go again, apologizing. It’s just what women do and I’m glad that you’re done with it. Me too. You have heard of Esther Perel, haven’t you? If not, look her up.

    Anita

    1. Thanks for reminding me about Esther Perel, I actually have her book and should read it again. She says interesting things about commitment being the enemy of desire, which is why I’m avoiding being anything more than a girlfriend.
      Good on you for not apologising. I think we women do it altogether too much.

  3. LOL!! I definitely am more ‘that’ type too!! ‘I’m okay with kisses but let’s not drag this thing until I fall asleep out of sheer boredom’ kind!

  4. I like to be fucked. I like to be ravished. I like to explore and test new things. Thankfully I have a wonderful heart friend who likes too as well.

    I also like to ride the wave afterwards. None of this talking business. I want lay back and enjoy the sensations still coursing through my body. My heart friend finds that disconcerting but that’s his issue. We finally came to a place of agreement to just leave me alone until I land back on earth, and then converse or do it all again.

      1. It’s the first male female relationship I’ve had that defies a label. People ask me “are you two together”
        My standard reply is “we are beside each other”

  5. the need to be taken and used is such a womanly thing–the need to be possessed, owned, to be the ultimately property of another.
    it is the gift of herself to the one she has chosen…..and it is she who does the choosing no matter what the physical aspects of it. She as ‘submissive’ finds her dominant ‘Master, and submits herself to him with a willing eagerness and infinite need.
    she might be bound, gagged, whipped, but as an act of consensual loving. As such it is a thing of intense beauty and mutual understanding

  6. Oh hell yes and I have no problem going after my man if he hasn’t gotten to me quick enough. We are doing something right nearly two decades together…..oh and two kids too. Love that man! Well done Katie.

  7. It took me till 50 to take the hint.. My girlfriend, now fiancee gave me the “you’re a guy, I’m a girl..I won’t break, I’ll let you know if it’s to rough and right now I’m letting you know it’s not rough enough. Be a guy and take what you want”. It was an epiphany for me…I was always the careful, gentle lover and didn’t realize how much I wanted to “be a guy”. A lot of scarves, ropes, spankings and bite marks later and only one comment that something was “to much” we are tons happier and fulfilled. Also, thumbs up to “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel for permission to objectify and use one another. Better sex, better communication, better relationship.

  8. I’m with you there! It was a problem in my last relationship because my partner only ever wanted to make gentle, tender, slow love… and that was nice the first few times but it got old for me fast. My current partner is much more open and receptive to my kinks and desires which is so refreshing. Although he does think I want sex too much sometimes :p

    1. I’ve always been kink inclined since I was a kid—It took me a while to realise that the tie up games i used to play with girls, had been a precursor to what they were going to want for real a few years down the line.

      once past the safe and sane part, it was a delight to discover that girls were literally insatiable, and that kinky rough sex was far more ”normal” to women than to men, and no form of ‘persuasion’ was ever needed—quite the opposite. Being hit by a train would be an apt description.

      Somehow, whatever I did–it was always me feeling raped and used after the lady in question had had 50 or 100 orgasms, and we watched the sunrise after a night of creativity.

      Like I should complain!!

  9. When I read you’re Blogg entry I was thinking: Oh my fucking God! Someone knows exactly how I feel and said it out loud.
    Or more like I kinda had a problem how to describe it to my friends or they wouldn’t understand me.
    I’m just 21 but I have the same opinion. I’m a fucker. I need it rough and the man has to take me, hold me, make me feel breathes and not pat my head!!

    You got it going girl. Hopefully I find a boyfriend like you because until know I always had the lapdog.-,-

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