In the barren wasteland of cyber love carefully constructed words are artfully crafted through the journey of a multitude of encounters, and yet I still hope for that unexpected, overlooked treasure. My romantic heart is weary and parched from the promise of different which turns out to be the same after all.
There is a chance, still, that I could find that person who simply makes it hard to breathe. The way his energy fills the room, the unspoken kindness in his eyes, and his thought provoking conversation will feel both familiar and frightening. He will kiss with an open heart and let me glimpse the light and darkness of his soul. He will drink in my chaos and my extremes and enjoy the ride. I will blur at the edges and forget where I end and he begins …
So who is the man who I have found through internet dating? I have found the poet who seduced me with his written words, the perfect gentlemen who seduced me with his chivalry, the rogue who seduced me with his kisses, and the crazy man who seduced me with his spontaneity, and yet with each I walked away empty handed.
Am I looking for something that doesn’t exist? Do I want the perfect man who only lives in my imagination?
It is altogether possible, but I will never know unless I continue my quest. I secretly suspect that the person who rips my heart from my chest will be not what I expected at all and that is the exciting bit. So I am ready to explore any path which could possibly lead to the meeting of hearts, minds and bodies and to find great big roller-coaster passion that will keep me on the edge of my seat.
You’re definitely onto something there. We do have to keep searching because he IS there and I’m pretty much convinced now he’s NOT going to be what’s expected by me..or anyone else. x
I love your words Katie! I think we all long for that, I really think we do. I am experiencing some parts of this, but am waiting for others…..I am hopeful that those others do come into being.
He is not what I expected I’d be falling for. Not at all, and definitely not this quickly. But I’m going with it and enjoying that ride. I am being seduced, and it’s not by the muscle bound gym junkie I thought might do this. Not at all. And I’m OK with who he is – he is normal, he is romantic, he’s thoughtful, and he totally desires me. He makes my heart stop when he kisses me.
I hope you find someone special, my thoughts are with you. Know what you are feeling.
Carolyn xx
Wonderful prose Katie; hang inn there and don’t settle for anything but your true heart’s desire; which by the way you’re entitled to change. I am just now beginning the cyber dating process myself, nervous as hell about it, so I applaud your verve and determination. I know he is out there – persevere, and know that you have sisters joining you in this crusade. Cheers!
I am going out on a precarious limb here; I am suspecting that you are not seeking the man, but the very self-worth/love/acceptance/desire and so on, that the man is proposed to bring. No man (read: other) will ever fill the role left by the gap in your/my self. I am inclined to believe that it is a pipe dream in the current form of expectations, Katie. Frankie is pretty close in that it will be in the form you least expect, and usually when the eyes are turned elsewhere.
I mean this not as an attack upon you at all, Katie, for I am in the very same situation vis-a-vis self acceptance and so forth. An attack on you would amount to an attack upon myself – something I am less inclined to do now. (Hooray, we say!) I am sure that when we are able to hold ourselves with the same desire and expectation we currently want from others, the door will be wide open for the partner to join you. And what sort of attraction will that be!? A self-loving, self-valuing and self-cherishing woman makes a package that not even we’d say no to!