Sorry I’m Not Sorry
It’s a curious kind of survivors’ guilt. Not the kind that makes me feel guilty for still being alive when someone else is dead, but the kind that makes me feel bad for not feeling bad.
Tag Archives: suicide
It Could Have Been Worse
In my imagination I am lying in bed with Duckfish, asleep, in my old flat around the corner from here. It is 3am. An unusual sound wakes me. I see a familiar figure standing at the end of the bed. He is holding a gun.
Not the Mumma
I have never been pregnant, never had morning sickness, never breastfed and never held my own baby. There is no one on this earth who has my genetic legacy.
A Love Letter
I made you into the person I wanted you to be, without taking into account you might be someone completely different.
Short & (Bitter) Sweet
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” ― Mary Oliver
Eighteen Years
Eighteen years ago on 11 June 1994 I walked down the aisle and married the man I left sixteen years later.
How to survive quicksand : a guide to uncomfortable feelings
I am not asking you to like, want or enjoy uncomfortable feelings. In fact, let’s get rid of the whole acceptance word altogether (here and in the self-love world as well). Let’s make room for uncomfortable feelings instead.
Out of Africa – a unconventional way to deal with negative thoughts
It’s when we get stuck in our head and what we’re thinking diminishes our experiences of the present moment that there’s a problem. Ruminating about past event or predicting future calamities can also trigger painful emotions that make us feel like shit.
Half birthdays, therapy, blogging & ninjas
Today is my half birthday. I am forty-seven and a half today. I celebrate a half birthday on April 16 because it helps me get through April 15 which is the anniversary of my husband’s suicide.
April
April – It begins with an anniversary — our first date was two years ago today. But when this day arrives, I know that ten days later it will be the anniversary of the day that changed everything.
The question of silence
Sean O’Malley, the creator of Cardio Coach, first appeared on my old blog in March 2007. I’ve mentioned him in posts no less than six times. Today I found out that Sean O’Malley passed away suddenly on Sunday at age 40.
Standing on the edge
The longer we stay together, is it more likely that we will crash and burn, or are we still together because we’re solid and safe?
I remember the anticipation of pain and not the pain
I remember clearly not wanting to leave the house. I remember every detail of how I thought it would turn out. The questions, the paperwork, trying to say the words without breaking down. It was the last thing I wanted to do