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Tag Archives: loss

Apr112015

J is for Journey • #atozchallenge

by KatieP, in category Health | Sexuality

He is walking up the road in front of me, wearing the heavy boots he never took off, black jeans and a backpack slung over his shoulder. In his hand is a silver gift bag, like the ones they give away in expensive shops. When he gets to the top of the hill, he turns… Read More

Apr62015Nov 4 2015

E is for Excommunication

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness
e is for excommunication

The pastor stared at his hands as if he were avoiding looking at me. “Are you sleeping with him?” he asked. I wondered for a moment if I should lie and tell him no. But lying was as much of a sin as fornication. Maybe it was less of a sin. I wasn’t sure anymore.… Read More

Mar192015Apr 16 2015

Letting Go of the Past • #1000speak

by KatieP, in category Health | Sexuality
letting-go-of-the-past--#1000speak

When my husband took his own life, he took part of mine with him. I was angry at him for a long time. In one moment he completely transformed the way I saw the world. I could no longer think clearly, believe in a benevolent Universe, or trust in my ability to understand people. He shattered… Read More

Jan72015Aug 26 2015

Selfish Grief • Mourning the Loss of Myself

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness

When I read about other people’s grief, I am ashamed. I cannot legitimately take my place among those who mourn the loss of someone they loved, someone who they miss every day and who they long to see again for just a few moments. My husband is dead, and the manner of his death was unnatural… Read More

Oct142014Oct 15 2014

Wounds and Scars • Yielding to the Darkness

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness
wounds and scars • yielding to the darkness

Here are my wounds. Here are my scars. Body shame, shyness, anxiety, guilt, fear, hopelessness.
Will they ever be fixed? I don’t think so. Is darkness such a bad thing?

Sep162014Jan 6 2016

Survivor Guilt

by KatieP, in category Heart | Love & Romance

Why have I survived when there are so many others struggling with their pain? Why can’t I help them? Can I give away some of my happiness to someone else?

Sep112014Sep 11 2014

Are You Okay?

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness
are you okay

Are you okay?
I ask my boyfriend.
He frowns, knowing what the question means.
I’m not going to kill myself, he says.

Sep102014Nov 10 2015

World Suicide Prevention Day • For Those Left Behind

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness
world suicide day • for those left behind

If one person dies globally from completing suicide every 40 seconds, and almost 80% of those people are men, there are many, many wives, girlfriends and partners left behind. This post is for those who are still here and have to live with the grief and trauma of knowing someone who chose to end their life.

Aug132014Aug 14 2014

Raise Your Hand • Not Waving, Drowning

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness
not waving, drowning

They say we should ‘start a conversation’ about depression but sometimes it’s impossible to find the words. At *Not Waving Drowning* all you need to do is raise your hand and others will give you their time, their love and their support without you having to explain anything.

Aug122014Aug 12 2014

The Beautiful Shoes • a Fairytale

by KatieP, in category Head | Creativity
the beautiful shoes • a fairytale

Once upon a time there was a beautiful, kind and sensitive princess named Robyn. She spent her days visiting the kingdom’s hospital, where sad men and women came to rest when life became too overwhelming. She sat by their bedsides, held their hands, and told them stories she created from her imagination.

Aug112014Aug 12 2014

Taking the Bus • a Love Story

by KatieP, in category Head | Creativity
taking the bus • a love story

I stretch my fingers resting on his thigh, coming in contact with the hard seam of his jeans. I read once that sitting side by side rather than face to face with a man makes it easier for him to talk. My boyfriend and I have never run into the problem of not being able to talk, no matter how we are seated. I don’t think sitting side by side with Jack would have encouraged him to open up. He kept his dark thoughts to himself, right up until the end.

Aug42014Sep 4 2015

Whispers in the Night • There is Nothing I Can Do

by KatieP, in category Health | Sexuality

There is a voice that whispers to me in the middle of the night, telling me my boyfriend is going to die. While he snores, while his breath is thick and heavy, I am reassured that he lives. It’s when he is quiet that I worry. I reach out to touch his back to make sure his chest is rising and falling, I watch the bedspread to make sure there is movement.

Jul292014

When We Were Young

by KatieP, in category Health | Sexuality

It’s nice to have some photos from the past again. Instead of stuffing them away in an album, I’m putting them here — evidence that once I was young.

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