The first time around I chose the wrong man. I didn’t know it at the time because I was young and believed things about relationships that turned out to be untrue. In hindsight, I can see why my husband and I were never going to work. An intimate relationship with another person rests on four… Read More
I spent a long time thinking that relationships should be the variety that my parents have — a polite, comfortable, solid, long-term, come hell or high water kind of love. But something was wrong. There was an emptiness that couldn’t be filled by travelling the world, succeeding at work, sculpting my body into a size 8 or being able to buy whatever I wanted. I never felt like I belonged, I never connected with another human being.
Looking back, I can make the excuse that I was in shock and didn’t know what I was doing, but all I knew in that moment was that life was impermanent and everything could end in a heartbeat. There was no time to lose, there was no reason to pretend any longer. Sex and death. Connection in the face of disconnection. Love is all that matters.
I think that’s what New Year’s Resolutions are about: they’re lists of all the ways this year that I will collect and claw and accrue more shiny things to attract more attention and followers and lovers and mates so that I will be loved and happy. If being loved and appreciated is what you want – that’s what I want… Read More