I have more than one guardian angel. The first extra divine being was sent my way during the first thirteen days of my life when I was left in the hospital waiting to be adopted. I qualified for a second supernatural helper forty-five years later, on the day my husband decided to take his own life.
Because of the hard work and long-suffering patience of my three guardian angels (who I call Bob, Fred and Hugo) I have pretty much shrugged off any lingering damage these two events might have caused.
I also believe that my angels might have had a hand in my recovery from bulimia, which I inadvertently developed when competing in two body-building competitions. I am now at peace with my natural curves and have discovered that sexy is an attitude, not a body shape.
As I approach middle-age, I have fallen in love for the first time. I found my handsome boyfriend online and am now shacking up with him on Sydney’s Northern Beaches. I tried being married once and didn’t like it, so I’m not likely to go down that road again.
My boyfriend takes me to tropical beaches to compensate for working away too much, makes me go kayaking and cycling with him, and leaves the room when I watch the Bachelor and Millionaire Matchmaker. He likes that I’ve grown my hair long and gone gracefully grey, but he isn’t keen on me getting any more tattoos or piercings.
I used to work in theatre — stage managing plays, musicals, orchestras and opera, but I gave it all up to create beautiful images and to write books. My stories are about loss, love, lust and longing. My characters get a bit raunchy at times because that’s the way life should be – full of big juicy moments.
I am sure Bob, Fred and Hugo agree.
So now that you know about me, I’d like to hear more about you. I’d be grateful if you’d introduce yourself in the comments below and tell me about your big juicy moments. Don’t feel pressured to produce a novel, I just want to get to know you a bit.
105 thoughts on “A (mid)life full of big juicy moments”
WOW Katie! I wish you the best of luck on your “new” journey. I too am working hard at changing my sense of identity as well. I hope to find support here.
All the best to you too Trixie ~ I’m always here if you need me.
I am so thankful that I’ve found your blog. Into the google reader you go. 🙂
… and you’re already in mine 😉
Congrats on getting better and recovering from your ED 🙂
love your blog, glad i found it!
So am I and Katie remember you are never alone as I have been there too way before you did x
Welcome Monica. So happy you are here. It’s fantastic to not feel alone.
Anytime Katie I can add something I will be here x
I just found your blog today and I’ve read your About Me page and I think two blog entries… and I’m HOOKED. Yay. You’re saying exactly what I need to be hearing right now. I love how the universe works like that (yeah, hippy shit, hehe). I was just having a conversation with my sponsor yesterday (different self-destructive path, same journey towards recovery) about how I work out as hard as I can and it’s still not good enough. I didn’t work hard enough. I ate too much whatever. Blah. I like the bracelet idea a lot and I’m going to try it. Anyway, thanks for putting yourself out there for people like me to find and relate and learn.
Hi Jen and welcome. I’m so happy you found my little corner of the internet — the Universe is magical.
Awesome work Katie; you know I’ve read your blog, probably since the beginning-and love it more today. Thanks for sharing! xoxo
Thanks Raechelle, I love having you around x
Since “WOW” has already been used, “FUCKING AWESOME” comes from me :). You are an inspiration to the world. Keep up the fantastic work gorgeous.
Thanks Sweetie, I couldn’t have done any of it without you cheering me on x
Katie, I’m a little confused. If you’ve given up dieting, and you no longer advise people on dieting, then why are there diet advertisements along the right side of your blog?
Thank you for your question.
If you are referring to the Paul McKenna, Andrea’s Answer and Marianne Williamson links — these are the people that helped me transition from dieting into a healthy relationship with food. They all have an intuitive eating approach that focuses on the unconscious mind and/or the spirit as the point of changing the way we think about food.
Thankfully I’ve reached a place where food isn’t central in my life but I’m still aware that it’s an issue for a lot of women who read my blog and these are the tools I recommend to start the journey to healing.
Thanks for explaining that, Katie. It’s still kind of bothersome to me that they are advertising “weight loss” as a goal, when it’s well established that weight loss is an ineffective way to gain better health–and is most often actively counterproductive. Still, it’s good to know that they’re at least talking about intuitive eating, which as you have experienced can help someone transition into a healthier relationship around food/weight/body. Stepping stones are definitely important on the road to health. 🙂
Dawn, I think people who are fat and miserable and searching for answers see ‘weight loss’ and get interested. If it said, ‘find your authentic self’ was the byline they may just keep on searching as they think they just need to lose weight and they will be happy.
Head, heart, health…. three of the majors that I am getting back on track after a long term roller coaster ride. I have just stumbled on your blog for the first time, drinking it in and loving it for all its rawness and honesty. Looking forward to reading and learning more. Thanks for sharing
Hi Sophie and welcome. I hope you find plenty of stories and information to enjoy x
I came and had a look around after You commented on my blog today. I’m curious, how did you find me?
a friend of mine recommendedyour blog earlier this week. When I clicked over, I didn’t realize that it was the blog she had recommended. Serendipity at work…
Have just subscribed to your blog. Love your ‘voice’.
You commented on my domestic violence post in the “Speak Out” campaign
When new people comment I put their blogs in my reader. That’s how I found you and I’m so glad I did x
Definitely serendipity at work! I felt that I ‘recognised’ the blog name, but couldn’t remember where…. Thanks for reminding me. I hadn’t forgotten you…you had just got smooshed up with everything else that went on that week…
Glad I found you again though.
Me too 🙂
OK, so here goes-
My parents were divorced by the time I was 2. My Mom’s been married two more times since (and divorced two more times). I spent time with my alcoholic father for a month every summer (he lived out of state), although it was really time spent by myself while he was at bars. At some point I recognized this and became very hurt that he wanted to drink the month away instead of spending it with me. I also became very angry. He stopped calling me during the rest of the year, when I would talk to him I’d cry and be hurt. At some point I decided to not care anymore. It was safer that way: if I didn’t care (open myself up) then I would not be vulnerable to hurt. This same thing held true for my Mom’s divorces. They couldn’t hurt me because I didn’t care. Well, really I did. I hold a lot of anger and resentment. I don’t have the sort of loving relationship with my husband because I default into being closed off. It sucks.
Thank you for being vulnerable with me, Katie.
What a painful story ~ it’s tragic how our childhood shapes our lives.
But I know you’re a warrior and a fighter. You see your learned behaviours and recognise you have to make a change. You’ve opened up to me so I know you can open up to your husband who will never intentionally hurt you.
For me, I know there will always be pain and closing off just makes it worse not better. I hope you find a way to gradually unfurl to the light.
Sending you much love
I saw your link to Byron Katie Katie so I hope you won’t mine if I ask Melanee who she would act/who she would be without her childhood story? Drop the story and be that way with your husband, yourself, and everyone you meet.
Go right ahead Sheila — I love others points of view. I love Byron Katie too. Her approach is wonderful but it took me some time to work up to releasing the past. Thanks for your valuable input x
Yeah, me too! My past was pretty horrific. I’ve had to do The Work over and over on lots of stuff. It’s a constant thing. But the day it all fell away was amazing! I felt so light that I literally had to hold on to furniture or I felt I’d float away! Obviously there is still some inner work I need to do or I wouldn’t be fat!
The Uni-verse led me here so I know I need this! I have spent years abusing my body while reading every book published on how to be healthier. I am doing The Work of Byron Katie and other things to get past this nutty self hatred I have. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally but I don’t love myself. I’m getting there. I’ve stopped all deliberate attempts of self destruction. I know that my ‘inner’ self is pure LOVE and LIGHT and perfect. It’s just my body and mind I have issues with now.
Thank you for sharing your tough times. My tough times are not so much external but how I react internally to them. I am nearly 34 and never married or been with a man who wants to be with me for me. Lots of short term relationships mark my past. I’ve never really been in love and don’t think I ever will. I have suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life and am sick n tired of fighting for life when it constantly disappoints. What is the point of it all? Does it get better? I feel very alone and tired of being in this headspace often.
I’m not an expert on anxiety and depression and if it’s impairing your ability to live a normal life I would recommend professional help.
What I do know is that the dark times don’t last forever as long as you continue to look for the light. I suggest starting a gratitude practice to focus your attention on the good things — write down five things at the end of each day you are grateful for.
I believe doing something you love or takes you out of yourself might help as well. Spend some time each day in an activity you enjoy — walking, dancing, drawing, taking photos — something that connects you with your physical senses rather than staying in your head.
Thank you for your comment and all the best ♥
What courage to share your whole story. What a moving story it is. Bravo.
Thank you Joyce x
Hi, I googled suicide widow and your video came up. January 12, 2011 the love of my life, my soul-mate and my best friend comitted suicide. My life as I knew it ended. I wrote a letter to him (never gave it to him, but he read it) saying very lovingly that we must say goodbye. He was not happy, and I knew in my heart that I could not make him happy. This was a letter that I was never gonna give to him, it is something that I wrote personally as I often write my personal feelings down to get my feelings out of me. Three days after I believe he read it (it was left out when I went to work) he ended his life. I have to say after a year and 2and a half months later your video is the only thing that I have connected to since. I have lost friends, I have lost my motivation for life. I am angered that ‘suicide’ is so taboo. I am not in Australia, I am in Canada. If there is one thing that I am passionate about… it is the need for open discussion for suicide and the after effects it causes. My best friend/soulmate did not feel he had options, I know this. And as a suicide survivor, my options feel less and less as time goes on, not of doing the same act but as life in general. I have no idea how to voice my silent screaming like you have and get this message out there that like car accidents or drunk driving that suicide is growing at an alarming rate and the pain that the loved ones feel afterwards are endless and heart-wrenching. Please, if there is anything I can do to on this side of the world to get the word out there, let me know. Much love.
I share your pain and feel it too. There are so many of us holding in our pain and “screaming silently”. I don’t know how to change the world … only how to speak up when others don’t feel they can.
You can do that do. Just keep talking.
Know that there was nothing you did or didn’t do that could have changed what happened. It is, what it is.
You are alive. You are breathing. Cherish every single moment and live life to the fullest.
I am sending love and light to you from across the water. If I can help in any way please let me know. x
OK, here is a bit about me..I like to think I had a nice childhood but I have often felt I wasn’t loved very much. Real love has just eluded me. The men I attract don’t appreciate my true virtues until the relationship ends and they see how much they lost and then they want to try again. But by then for me I’ve tried so much that it’s too late. I feel it’s hard connecting with people, I first appear to be an introvert but in reality am very outgoing. I have been told I am hard to get to know, but if they put in even a wee bit of effort to know me it is worth it. I do protect myself though, until I feel they are a sincere person, no easy task these days. I am working on trying to let people see more of the real me but often don’t because they seem to think it’s OK to tell me that I have the wrong idea of who I really am or who I should be. I describe myself as a free spirit. I have often felt I don’t fit in, but I am comfortable with being different. I want to thank you, Katie, as I have already found some new ideas in the things I’ve read that could help me not feel so afraid in letting people see the real me regardless of how it might turn out.
I think we’re all afraid to let people see our vulnerability — it means that we might get rejected or ignored which isn’t much fun. Put the price of intimacy is vulnerability and an intimate, deep heart-centred relationship is well worth the risk. Good luck on your journey. xx
So glad that I found you via the Smile Chickie Facebook page.
Long Story very short – adopted which has led to lifelong issues with fear of rejection and abandonment issues, divorced from a man who thought it was easier to tell me that we are better friends than lovers than admit to me that he had cheated. The thing I struggled with the most after the divorce was my own sense of being a “woman” in my own right – I was no longer a wife and a partner so I felt like I had lost all identity that I had known. I am glad that I have found a page that provides such great support to women without the crap that is usually associated with self help types pages – thank you xx
Hi Julie and welcome. I love it that you found me ‘crap’ free 😀
I look forward to getting to know you more.
In brief – brought up to believe emotions and feelings are weakness, emotionally neglected by my emotionally violate mother ( along with 2 of my other siblings), bullied and left to deal with it, raped and not believed. Eating disorder, self harm and bouts of depression since I was a child. My sister also killed herself.
I am a lot better than I have been in the past (no longer self harm or have eating disorder) but unresolved issues have been triggered by terminal illness in the family.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and resources. I am glad I have found your blog.
Hi Lorna, thanks for stopping by. I’m glad to hear that you’re determined to thrive in spite of the circumstances in your life ♥
I’ve just found your blog days ago and have been reading and commenting. Thanks for sharing your story. I had been struggling with how to share my story, wanting to write a blog, not knowing how to go about it and feeling overwhelmed about writing a whole book.
I suffer from depression and am finally doing the work but stumbling a lot as it is slow going. I found your blog in a serious round about way. I had been doing a pathetic search for the ethics of a particular spell. Yeah I know… I have been wanting an apology and closure after a really nasty, mean and just bad break up.
The depression since during the relationship and after the subsequent break up, has been really difficult. In the very beginning I would have to say I was suicidal. I have a lifetime history of depression, so I am aware of that the break wasn’t the cause. But it was a humongous trigger and I am so thankful I had support…from both a couple friends and professionals. PTSD was triggered and it’s been a long road to me. But I think this time I’m awake enough to know the responsibility lies with me.
I am struggling with staying consistent with focus on me and feeling better though. I have frequent melt downs. I rely on what others think and feel about me for my own self worth. I’d rather find a way to simply let go to ease the pain than to get him to apologize to be honest.
Authenticity has been a huge problem as a result of my type of codependency and I had woken up to that. But after reading some of your blog posts…well, it was like that proverbial 2×4 across the back of my head…in a good way. And simply knowing intellectually that authenticity (or lack of it) was the foundation of it all for me, became a full on feeling through my whole self.
In reading your blog, I have also realized that I can write a personal blog in such a way that it is not mud slinging, which has been something I’ve battled with, as when I started one here and there, my pain was super raw. So I ended up taking them down. Now that I know it’s not just about the newest ex, and my focus is much more toward myself, I have started.
I’m not ready to start sharing yet. But hopefully soon.
Sorry this is so long. You did say you didn’t want a novel. But then it’s not fiction so… 🙂
Hi Laura – welcome to my corner of the internet.
I can’t wait to read your blog. Let me know when it is up and running.
Hi, my name is Kiki it’s my nickname I got by mostly in life and online. I joined your mailing list a few days ago and commented on your post 2013 and the word for this year.
I’ve tried rewriting this a few times so now I’m just going with the flow by trying not to drag it out into a novel. Some may say I’m “baby” from a certain viewpoint, Early 20s haven’t become to taste the world but my experience really showed me that I really have to love who I am to “move forward.”
The reason I highlighted move forward was because for the last 4 years I was looking back at a girl who was lonely, broken inside, disconnected from everything going around her. Why would I want to look back? For comfort I’ve concluded but the wrong kind. I always felt like the girl who was that band member who never got the spotlight… for a long time I was inside myself apart the facade I showed to familiar faces who thought I was weird, hyper and crazy (I still am these things but in a more positive way). Secondary school was really where it started (name calling, sly comments etc.) and it affected me until I got to college where I lay “everything” out to the world. That everything was letting others take advantage of me, doing things that make you look dirty, ruining friendships, forgetting what was important to hold onto – my innocence. June 2011 changed things for me and by choice (and some things not by choice) I began that me, myself and I dance. Then it was my birthday, then it was a wedding (not mine), then I met a guy and from then I started to look deeper into my soul and try to change this idea of not feeling love or wanting love for myself. I made it through the hurdles of 2012 and 2013 is the year I begin to do right by myself hence why I called it “Love & Health”.
Sorry for mini novel hehe I tried to keep it as short as possible. I’m looking forward to reading all aspects of your blog.
Hi Kiki – thank you for sharing your story.
WOW! Your introduction just stumped me and i cant believe what you have been through. I have struggled with my weight for a long time and also acne. I am into clean eating and being healthy, but I want to do it the right way and not starve or deprive myself. I have a good partner who is very supportive. I don’t have too much to say but I will be following your blog.
Thanks for your honesty.
Welcome to my blog and thank you for sharing your story.
How valiant to take on a broken world. Words are the weapons, and the salve, we have. Hearts are broken, and human souls are bleeding. Loss is the timestamp of life. The longer we are here, the more we learn, yet the more we grieve. Our most precious possessions are taken from us, because this world was never big enough to hold them nor warm enough to nurture them. I am so very sad, but I realise that my sorrow is mine to bear. I came alone into this sphere, and alone I will depart. Loneliness is just a word, so I’ve been told. But loneliness becomes a world, It’s very cold. People speak but I don’t hear. Things all around, seem so unclear. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.
Never give up hope – people love you x
Your “10 things to know before you commit suicide” saved my life. Thank you.
Dear Guy from Earth,
I am overjoyed that you are still here. You are loved x
Good site and good ideas. Your “10 Things You Should Know” was helpful for me as well. Even though the specifics mostly don’t apply to me, the positive attitude was inspiring (we can prevent those close to us from getting hurt by NOT killing ourselves, which is one good thing we still might be able to do with our lives). Keep up the good writing. – Michael
Thank you Michael ♥
I suffered with acute depression for 8 years and still going through anxiety since last 13 years and I am extremely shy and lonely. Not married yet and live with my parents with no job. What a fucked up life !
I feel for you. I hope you find your happiness. x
KP – I want to thank you for the task that you have taken on. Katie, you and I both know that this is a broken world. It is astounding in its beauty and devastating in its cruelty. This sphere is psychotic and bi-polar. It is majesty and mystery sparring continually across the ages. The question “WHY?” echoes down the corridors of time and demands a response from every sentient being who has walked the path we call life. Every waking moment I struggle to understand and piece together the riddle of existence. I invite you to walk with me. I urge you to share the wisdom that sustains us. The knowledge that compels us to gaze upon a starlit sky and say within our innermost being “I think, therefore I am”. I want to know who or what it is that stokes the eternal machine that deems us temporal. We are so small, so seemingly insignificant, yet within ourselves we feel loved and watched and cared for. I believe in a God who I struggle to define, and yet who seems unattainable. THANK YOU FOR CARING IN THE SIMPLICITY OF WORDS IN THE ETHER, AND OF THOUGHTS IN THE MIST.
And thank you for taking the time to share your innermost thoughts and feelings in such a beautiful way ♥
Wait, so this blog about your struggle “as a widow” but I don’t think you can be considered as such since you left your husband of 16+ years at the drop of a hat because you were unsatisfied in your marriage, completely passing over and ignoring his side of things. 2 months later and you start dating around like you are in college again? That would fuck me up if I were your husband.
Most of your articles about losing a loved one to suicide seem to imply that your ex husband just gave up and left you alone when in reality, you had done that to Him. So its no wonder he chose to take his own life! You have some nerve.
I think you are being rather harsh here. You do not know how unhappy the relationship was or how much work may have been done to try and save it. No one should have to stay in a relationship if it makes them unhappy.
Thank you for sticking up for me Lorna x
It never ceases to amaze me quick people are to judge others without ever meeting them. Sara you absolutely have the right to your opinion, but to imply that someone else is responsible for another’s suicide is just offensive. A friend commuted suicude last week, none of us know what truly in his head other than absolute psychological, emotional & physical pain. No one could help him & no one was to blame. I have been that low, I could have blamed others but ultimately it was my choice. I chose to live, others choose to take their own life.
Erm.. not me, ok? ‘Sara’ you should at least identify yourself if you’re going to be so out there with your judgemental opinions.
Katie, I love your blog, and I love your openness on it! 🙂
Two blog posts I’ve written tell my story. First, the demons of the past that I had to conquer: http://myjourneytoithaca.wordpress.com/2013/02/19/new-years-eve-1995-and-2000/ . And second, my most recent decision to walk away from a work and life situation that didn’t work for me: http://myjourneytoithaca.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/blossom/ .
Life is whatever we make of it, so let’s make it great!
This is Laura Lee from Women in Midlife. It seems our stories have a lot in common… I have often written about midlife depression and suicide on my blogs and in my books. Please consider taking a look at my two blogs: http://MidlifeCrisisQueen.com and http://HowToBelieveInLoveAgain.com
I had to rescue you from the Spam folder but I’m glad I did. I’ve added your blogs to my reader. So lovely to meet you x
Katie, you sound fun, spunky, courageous. I like your about page. Love the names of your angels.
My angels rock … or fly … or hover … whatever it is that angels do. Thanks for stopping by ♥
You have endured so many hardships in your life so far that it’s an inspiration story in itself. I really look forward to reading more of your thought provoking blog posts in the future 🙂
Thank you Leann. Much love in return x
I can relate with you in a few ways Katie. I too, have had a life of juicy moments (love this description!) I write letters to my son Seamus, who is almost 2 1/2. I weave juicy moments and memories and challenges into the letters, so he may know me as he grows up. You see, I have a terminal cancer diagnosis but I am seeking a miracle. Maybe your guardian angels can have a word to mine?! Enjoying your blog. Pls feel free to stop by mine if you have a chance to read a few letters. Warmest, Melanie – http://www.dearseamus.com
Thank you for your posts. They have helped me in ways I didn’t really expect to find on the internet. After about twenty years of severe depression and suicidal thoughts, your post on suicide is one of the few things that has clicked with me. I feel a sort of clarity that I have never felt before. I am so sorry about the loss of your husband, but I am so glad you are willing to share.
I am happy you found some solace here.
All the best x
Hi, Katie! Just visited your blog…and I love it! I couldn’t believe when I read that you have 3 guardian angels…and they’re guys. Just like me. But I have always felt like I have 5. I call mine 5-guys! Unnamed. When I mention them to people, they just laugh. Well…i firmly believe they’ve helped me throughout my life… especially these past five years… and, quite frankly, I may be depending on them/taking them for granted a little too much these days… :/ yiikes. I look forward to reading more…
Welcome Karen, thank you for hanging out here. Hi to the 5 guys too ♥
I am not sure how I stumbled across your blog, but I’m glad I did. Perhaps one of my guardian angels was giving me a little social media prodding? New fan here …
Hi Bronnie – lovely to meet you. Bob, Hugo and Fred say ‘hi’ too 😉
I am loving your blog so far! I’m so glad you stumbled upon my blog so I could stumble upon yours. I’ll be reading along.
Hi Leanne and welcome. I hope you enjoy it here ♥
Hi Katie – I came across your blog on a Mid Lifers Link Up page! I was immediately hooked, not by your posts but by your “About Me” on the right hand side of the post page. Why? Well, for one, I LOVE your grey hair! At 46 yrs young I too have been embracing my naturally grey self after years of dying my hair! So many people have commented on it now it’s mad! Secondly I too am adopted! Though I thought it interesting that you described it as “surviving adoption”.
I am glad to have found your blog & will be following you with interest x
Hi Nicky – thanks for leaving a comment at the bottom of this endless page 😉
As I said in my other comment, I’ve checked out your work and like what I see — it’s especially nice to meet another photographer.
Your Instagram link seems to be broken. Can you let me know who you are over there so I can follow your photos.
I’m Carol. Married 4 times. First two times I was very young and even went as far as getting them annulled in the Catholic Church. My third husband, whom I was married to for 10 years and is the father of my children, died. I am remarried now to The Gent. I am also a recovering alcoholic. I’ve been sober for a long time, thank GOD. I quit smoking nearly two years ago because I became addicted to CrossFit.
Thanks for sharing your life with there rest of us.
Hi Carol, welcome to my small corner of the interwebs.
Four times married is impressive, but not as impressive as your sobriety. Well done.
Lovely to meet you x
Reading this bio was amazing and I think you are one of the “coolest” (showing my age) women I’ve met online. You and your angels have produced someone who is loving life and I thank you for sharing who you are with us. I am glad to be along for the ride.
Thank you for your lovely compliment. I am so happy to know you ♥
Love this. Your story has such a sad and rich background, but your attitude seems a lighthearted contrast which is both interesting and inspiring.
I am also middleaged (gulp) a mom of two boys who writes about depression, parenting, and having lots of sex. 2/3 ain’t bad…hope to see you around the world wide web.
Lovely to meet you Anna Palmer. I’m checking out your blog now 😀
I’ve stumbled upon your blog today while surfing the internet, and I must admit, it sort of made my day. I always believe that you can learn something every person you come across, no matter in virtual world, or in reality. And I am glad that I learnt a little bit more about the life and its ways from your little blog here.
Love from halfway across the world,
Hello Harika, it’s so lovely to meet you. Welcome to my little corner of the interwebs. I hope you visit often and enjoy your stay xxx
my boyfriend hung himself 10/28/2015 in public view. i’m in agony
Oh Kathy, I’m so sorry. I hope you have someone to support you during this horrible time. I’m sending you love.
I am so thrilled to have found you this morning via twitter. I think your resilient attitude is inspiring, and the fact that you have shared it with your readers shows a generosity of spirit I find heart-warming and commendable. I recognize a writer sharing for the right reasons, and thank you! Good morning, on this clear, blue sky of a day in Malibu, California.
It’s very nice to meet you, Katie. Your story is inspiring. That’s my favorite part of connecting with other writers – learning the stories. Good and bad, there is always something to take away. Always something that is relatable. My story: I was a teacher, now I work in social media and enjoy writing. From NY, now living in CA, moving back to NY in a few weeks. Past few years have been a whirlwind, but I’m pretty sure I’m heading in the right direction. Happy I found your blog today!
What a great article, I really connected with it even though I’ve never been married. Too many times we Google into the wee hours of the morning to find an answer. An answer that we already know in our gut. We hope to find something to solidify if we should stay or go. In 2016 I have vowed to listen to my gut more to make quicker and better decisions. Anyways, more than you wanted to hear I’m sure!
Hello Kathy! I live in the US and found you on twitter through a post. My birth mother sold me to my Wonderful parents at birth. I’m married 23 yrs. I also have a BF from childhood who means the world to me. We started out as friends and at 16 moved to boyfriend/girlfriend. I was 16 walked in on my cousin being beaten by her boyfriend and he came at me. It ended with me having a black eye fractured cheek bone dislocated shoulder bruised kidney blood vessels in both eyes ruptured from being choked bruised tailbone and was 1 month pregnant and lost the baby. It made my relationship with bf stronger. We have maintained it ever since. He’s there when I need him. Hubby is there to a point. I have a good sex life with my hubby. I was raised to ne strong yet feminine. My parents had more of European style about them. Could ask anything and they would answer it honestly. So I am comfortable with my body I own my body and I protect my body. More than you want to know.
Hi Katie, I just found your blog on Pinterest. Just wanted to say “hi”!
I write a blog about peaceful living, and lots of poetry. I’ve been writing for years but am new to all of this internet stuff! Your post about leaving church was very honest and relatable for many people. Some of us just have a strong inner guide that doesn’t like to play second best to an external authority 😉
Wow you have definitely had a journey! I can certainly relate to life’s challenges. I am a survivor of sexual abuse in my childhood and an abusive 11 year marriage. I am now on a new life journey at 45 and a parenting a child diagnosed with autism. It has been a little over 10 years without a partner working on me and discovering who I am and what I desire. However I do expect at any time for my Divine life partner to show up to join me on this marvelous journey I call life! I am grateful to God, and my angels for keeping me protected and on the right path for the last few years. I finally feel that everything is coming together for my highest good. I wish you well on your life journey!
Blessings, love & light. 🙂
You seem like an amazing, free spirit — someone I’d like to know in real life. I too had an eating disorder and found healing as I embarked on a yoga-life journey. Also, I was married for a decade before I realized a few things: you can’t change people, and I deserved better than my cheating spouse was willing (or able) to give. So I also found a mature man online who takes me on exotic vacations and treats me like the fabulous (though tattooed and pierced) princess I am! HA! How do you like that?
P.S. Your blog rocks 🙂
Wow I too have a guardian angel. I have been working him overtime. Went surfing in a hurricane, violent storm surf winds in excess of 90 mph. Went scuba diving in a school of sharks. Crash landed an airplane and walked away from it. Took the whole summer off after high school and traveled around the country on my motorcycle and put 15,000 miles on the bike in 3 months. Got back home and an old lady ran out in front of me causing me to hit her at about 45 mph. Stood up on the foot pegs and let go of the handlebars and flew 120 feet through the air only got sprained wrists catching myself as I hit the ground. Still drive a motorcycle today at age 66.
I work with couples including their sexuality. My biggest challenge is getting women to accept their sexuality as most have been raised in the church where they learned (wrongly that: “sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it”.) I tell them that men don’t want to make love to a good girl but a good woman which is completely different.
I would love to swap book reviews with you. My book is entitled:
SEX EDUCATION FOR ADULTS SECRETS TO AMAZING SEX AND HAPPILY
EVER AFTER TOO
I happened upon your blog through Pinterest & all I can as is wow & thank you! so wish I would have found you a year ago, I think you certainly would have helped me navigate through some tough situations this past year.
I am a single, never been married, deeply religious ‘good’ Mennonite girl, who is a survivor of childhood sexual interference with body image issues – plus size women aren’t attractive & never get the man! (especially the good & handsome one)
This past year I have found myself on an amazing journey of deeper & richer self discovery than ever before. I am still single (but happy), I am still loved by God & I still love Him, I am still a survivor, I am still a plus size woman but I have come to realize through a series of events that I am attractive & I did get the good & handsome man! ….. well sort of.
At the age of 45 I was still a virgin (by happenstance) & desperate to hand in my v-card the only problem was I was so desperate to give it up I kept scaring all the men away – of course they didn’t know that I was a virgin, that is not something you lead with when you are 45. Just before my birthday entered a tall, dark, handsome married man, whom I had know through work for years but had actually never meet in person. He perused me aggressively for 3 months before I agreed to meet him for an ice cream. My rational ‘good’ girl was meeting him to tell him in person that nothing could come of this relationship – lets just say she did not win that day! The ‘not so good’ girl showed up to ice cream that day & has remained in charge for the last year – for the most part it has been an amazing year. There have been bumps along the road, some really good bumps & some not so good ones, but I would not undo it for the world. I definitely gave up my V-club membership but on my terms with the person of my choice. I have learned a lot about who I am as a sexual being & am with a safe partner who is more than willing (all be it a little hesitant at times) to join me on my sexual awakening – after all he was the one that opened Pandora’s box and got this who thing started.
I would not change anything – even the fact that he is still married. I am not certain that this relationship would have ever worked if he wasn’t married. I do have some guilt over being the other woman but I have found peace with our situation it works for us, for now, and when the time comes for it to end I have know doubt it will be heart wrenching. I am hopeful that we will both navigate through it and come out the other side of it better, stronger, wiser & more compassionate people.
Neither of us is a ‘bad’ person we just happened to get two people who could meet each others needs at this particular moment in time. I am so thankful that we could.
Thank you for your insight & your honesty on such difficult subjects – you will be blessed for it.
I came across one of your posts about a week ago while on pinterest and have been devouring your posts ever since. I have been loving all of your work but “Why You Should End Your Life” hit me right between the eyes. I left 5 months ago but have been floundering for the past few months. These past couple of weeks have been rather difficult and reading that today did help a bit. Thank you for that.
Hi Katie, I’m Shar.
Well, Sharon really, but like so many others, in an effort to either distance myself from some former self, or maybe even recreate a self I feel in control of Shar was born. Funily enough, I hit my mid 40s and no longer felt a need to repel the former or cling to the created. … I woke up and decided this was me… kooky, independent, open minded, crazy mouthed happy me….all of it! I’m 48 now and loving how my views and interpretations of the world and my place in it, has changed.
I am a Wife, a Mum of 2, a step Mum of 3, a Daughter, Sister, Aunt, ex-Wife and so much more. All those things that I once felt trapped me, now I wear like badges of honor, because those experiences are part of my skin. They are my story.
I wondered if there was a place, in this fast moving digital world for the rantings of crazy old lady (very tongue in cheek) like me. So in a sense I actively sought you out.
Does it astound you that in 2017 people are finding you for the first time. Reading your experiences and thoughts like they are happening now. I look forward to reading about your experiences, in retrospect, knowing that you are where you are because of what had gone on before.
hi my name is annette and for the first time i have gone on any website like this and commented so thanks for listening. i wonder about the world because i was sexually abused when i was 11 / 12 and it had a profound effect on my adult life. im 50 now and struggle daily with suicidal thoughts and self harm actions. i live in ireland which is a very beautiful windy and wet country but also some very bright days. i have a wonderful husband who is a very kind and caring man and i know im very lucky to have him as iv been blighted by mental illness. i also have two beautiful girls who love each other very much.
i really am lucky….. but right now it 6am and i wish my life was not so painful emotionally and suicide or disappearing were not my prominent thoughts.
thanks and just so you know this is not your responsibility its mine.