This is a guest post from Laynie at Beyond the Kitchen Sink and High Heels in response to my question “What is Your One Word Intention for 2010?” If you would like to guest post about any subject on my blog, please see the guidelines here.
Everywhere on the net, blogs are going crazy with the energy of asking “1 word for 2010”. I’ve decided to take the challenge too.
2009 was the year of survival for me, but with a glimpse in the rearview of my journey and a vision for the future, my one word for 2010 is …
In 2010 I aim to be present in my own life. For too long I’ve allowed the ghosts of an abusive relationship rule. For too long I’ve lived in guilt and shame of making the wrong decisions. For too long I’ve been trusting the unworthy. For too long I have believed I’m not good enough.
For too long I’ve felt fat and ugly. For too long I’ve thought my professional skills weren’t sufficient. For too long I’ve not thought enough of my achievements and underplayed them. For too long I’ve thought I wasn’t a real bodybuilder. For too long I’ve held on to the past. For too long I’ve been scared.
The slaps on the head and kicks in the pants from well-intentioned friends broke through my walls. The words from a friend I don’t see often enough rang true. Words of emotion and devotion from the Resident Niece moved me. The acceptance from bloggers around the world has shaken me. The love that my friends – professionally, personally, virtually, and related, have broken down my walls completely.
And then I stood and took a long hard look at myself. I’ve allowed myself to feel again.
When I saw you I was afraid to talk to you…
when I talked to you I was afraid to hold you…
When I hold you I was afraid to love you
Now that I love you I’m afraid to lose you
I write these words for me through tears that release the pain long buried. You, Elayne Elizabeth Kelly, are worthy.
Progressing into 2010, I’ve grown so much, and I’m on my way. I can feel the wind beneath my wings once again. I am here. Feel my presence.