Deprived of Connection and Belonging


Sometimes you stumble upon the thread at the end of the scarf that once pulled, unravels the whole garment.

This describes me exactly ~

Most of us former dieters are afraid of being deprived. We believe that trying to lose weight means that we will be deprived of joy, connection, foods we love, or a sense of belonging.

Many diets that restrict us from eating in a normal way exacerbate these feelings. We have to prepare or order tasteless food. We can’t join in with cocktails or dessert and we can’t relax because we have to stay in control to prevent a slip in our diet.

Unfortunately, to many of us, this is a familiar feeling. We may have grown up feeling disconnected from people around us in our families or in our schools. We use diets to repeat this pattern; isolation ensues. We believe deprivation feels awful. Deprivation from food is one thing, but deprivation from love and connection is worse.

Most often, we deprive ourselves of our own love, time, and nurturing. Each time we try to feel, we rebel, playing this rebellion out by overeating. It’s good for immediate gratification, but bad for our long term happiness.

This great drama can fill our minds and keep us distracted quite well.

Your real work on this planet is not your weight or your fat. The fabric of your emotional journey is not about deprivation and overeating. It is about love and fear and manifesting the magnificent person you already are.

It is time to pay attention to your real life. Stop distracting yourself from your emotional life. Find out what you are feeling and feel it. It is then that you can find the way to who you really are. I promise you, it is not just fat.

If I am so Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight ~ Brooke Castillo [my bold highlights]

The Inquiry

Here is what I wrote in my journal ~

Action : I can’t practice any kind of healthy moderation around food

Feeling : I feel deprived when I can’t have what I want (food) when I want it. Deprivation triggers deeper feelings that I am disconnected from joy, connection, love and belonging. I run from those feelings by experiencing constant non-physical hunger which exhausts me, eventually overwhelms me and I binge.

(Underlying) Thought : If I don’t act the same as everyone else I won’t be liked (by my peers) or loved (by my family) and I will be punished (by God) or hurt those I love (mum).

Circumstance : I am silly, stubborn, brilliant, too much, irreverent, a dreamer, take risks, creative, passionate, crazy, opinionated, extreme, tattooed, easily bored, funny, sarcastic, blunt, wanting more, unpredictable, searching, talks too much, not perfect.

New Beliefs

My non-physical self adores me and doesn’t require that I ‘fit in’. There can never be a disconnect with my higher self which is all that is. I am perfect, whole and good enough exactly the way I am. I cannot do anything that will separate me from the love of the Universe which is all that I need. I will always belong to that which is the true essence of me. It is always a breathe away.

The proof: I like odd and unique people, their flaws make them fascinating and endearing. Happiness has resulted in more compliments than skinny ever has. My non-physical self adores me and those who love me, love me because I am unique or in spite of my weirdness.

When I am authentic and flawed, I am beautiful and adored, I belong to Source and I am a delight to those I love.

best photo ever : Vato Bob

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing