My boyfriend and I go to the beach most weekends in the summer. Since we’ve moved north of the city, the ocean is less than a ten minute walk away. He makes me wear sunscreen for the first time in my life, but I get annoyed because I never seem to go as brown as I used to. ‘You don’t want to end up looking like a crocodile,’ he says. My decolletage (what a wonderful word – the upper part of a woman’s torso, comprising her neck, shoulders, back and chest, exposed by the neckline of her clothing) is too late to save. The creases I wake up with in the morning never seem to disappear.
My boyfriend has a wandering eye. When a young woman walks down to the sea in her skimpy bikini, his gaze rests on her firm, lithe, unwrinkled body. I’m no longer young and my body is curvy and soft. I have stretch marks and cellulite — I have every reason to be jealous.
Except I’m not. When I see him looking at other women it makes me smile.
My boyfriend has an eye for the ladies, which is fine by me.
This is why.
1. It means he has a healthy libido.
I’ve been with a man who isn’t interested in sex. He didn’t want me or anyone else. A wandering eye reminds me that my new man likes to get ‘jiggy’ all the time.
2. Sex drives are indiscriminate.
Primal sexual attraction doesn’t take into account age, availability or compatibility. Just because my boyfriend thinks a twenty-two year old has a nice body, once his brain kicks in he knows she is not really his type. And even if she was, it is unlikely she would be interested in someone over fifty.
3. He likes the curvy ones.
If three girls are walking together, his eyes rest on the one with full breasts, hips and thighs. The girl who could be on the front of ‘Oxygen’ magazine? She’s overshadowed by her heavier friend. Sometimes I wish I could tell them that they don’t have to be skinny to be attractive. Men’s tastes cover the full range of body types.
4. He appreciates me.
I wear a bikini on the beach. My boyfriend went with me when I went to buy it. In the shop, I swallowed down my self-criticism and came out of the changing room to ask him for his opinion.
‘I like it,’ he said. ‘It’s passed the test.’
‘What test?’ I asked.
‘The erection test,’ he said. ‘You’ve just given me one.’
After my boyfriend checks out a girl on the beach, he brings his attention back to me and tells me how beautiful I am. His eyes might stray but his heart, his soul, his mind and his body belong to me.
5. I want him to be happy.
Should the day ever come when he falls in love with someone else, I’d rather he leave me to be with them, than hang around miserable with me. He doesn’t really belong to me — he’s just on loan. I’m going to spend every moment appreciating the time we have together right now, rather than tell him off for being himself.
Do you have a partner with a wandering eye? How do YOU deal with it?
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28 thoughts on “A Wandering Eye”
I really needed to read this today. I used to get all huffy if a guy I am on a date with or whatever checks out women. I have noticed ALL older men check out everything that walks past – still most of them also tell me I am beautiful too. Isn’t it a shame some women get all huffy and jealous over other beautiful women?
It is a shame. I like looking at beautiful women too. It’s the same as a sunset or the moon rising over the ocean — another expression of divinity in the Universe ♥
Nope it doesn’t bother me. We are a family and we know we’ll stay together. Just because you’re on a diet, it doesn’t mean you can’t read the menu.
As for beautiful women, I usually spot them, point them out and comment. Two sets of neighbours ago the wife next door was stunning. I was the one telling Peter about her. He hadn’t noticed 0_o
A stunning next door neighbour? Duckfish would be all over that!
Heh, that number 4! You really landed a great Duckfish. I honestly don’t mind just looking, I do a fair share of it myself. I sort of see it akin to how I like to stare at gorgeous desserts and devour them with my eyes… I know I can’t have them, but it sure is nice to look. If it were to go beyond just looking though, and move on to actual contact and flirting, THEN my hackles would be raised!
Actual flirting is okay with me too. Duckfish is friendly, outgoing and charming by nature. I see it that if he’s doing it in front of me, I have nothing to worry about (I hope).
I think men are programmed to admire women and besides it is all part of the game, at least according my Frenchman.
A Frenchman? Ooh lucky you ♥
It sounds like a very healthy attitude!
Thanks Walker x
Spunky & I often spot hotties together (usually at the beach). I think having that sort of honesty in your relationship is really important. I firmly believe in the male human part of him that is hardwired to look so as to enusre the continuation of the human race and all of that, so why would I choose to get all upset about it. I’m a red blooded woman I do it too – its natural.
We spend time around plenty of certified gym bods and theres definitely times when I’ve felt self conscious about my curves but hey, I dont lock him up and he still chooses to come home to me.
Sounds like you have a wonderful man who is lucky to have such a gorgeous red blooded woman.
I will probably mull over your post for many days to come! I used to get all worked up if my husband did this over the years of our marriage. But I do it all the time too, and somehow me doing it was never the same as him doing it. However, all that has changed and we’ve both grown from our experiences. Thank you for this. Its the universe asking me to self reflect through your words…. .
Hey Miss B
Glad to be of help. All the best with hubby ♥
Your number 5 is about the most perfect description of what a relationship should be. Definitely love the distinction between owning and being on loan.
Thanks Aaron — we’re all on loan to each other ♥
You are spot on with what you say about the way in which (hetero/bi) men appreciate women. And it sounds like you have a healthy, respectful relationship with your other half.
All in all – great post, Katie! 🙂
Thanks Vince. Yes I’m very lucky ~ my BF is a bit of alright.
All boyfriends should be a bit of alright in my opinion!
Off topic, but god I love your avatar — so cute 😀
I needed to see this today! Thank you. You’re on spot as always. 🙂
Thank you lovely Dana x
Ahhhh Ms K my beautiful intelligent friend, I’m loving your writing/blog! Just thought I’d drop a quick line to say that!!!! And that I love you for who you are, what you write, how you are non judgemental. Please keep this shit going xxx
Love you back, beautiful xoxo
Yes – especially the last one. This reminds me of an old saying – If you love something – set it free etc (I am are you know the one I mean). I never got that until I hit 45. I used to be really jealous but now, I think the way you do. And I want my husband to be happy. We humans cannot help the basic instincts we were born with and to deny that these get triggered by visual prompts is sheer folly and a recipe for LOTS of arguments.
If a man chooses to be with you and only you that is a gift to cherish. But his eyes will wander. (As do our I am sure!) As long as his feet and hands do not follow – be happy! Great post.
You leave such wonderful comments, Gilly, thank you. As you say, love is a gift to cherish and trying to grip it tightly doesn’t do any good.
I jus wanna say God bless d day I found u… I mostly love the part where u sed he’s on loan
#5 On loan resonates so much with me. Being 47 and haven taken a hiatus from dating – relationships until about 1 year ago and now engaged. I look forward to growing and becoming more in tune with myself and aware of my partner.
I was one of those good girls. Seems like a good time in my life to explore and understand. Feel free at this age. Great posts…lots of food for thought here (smiling) so glad I found this site :)))
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