[Guest Post] Twenty Years Ago

This is a guest post from Bethany. Bethany spends her time enjoying the peace around her, in her apartment in Houston … however, she plans to be writing from her boat, come summer.  She shares her adventures and life lessons on her blog, Journey to Ithaca.

eyesclosed

 Twenty Years Ago…

I was this little person
Too thin
Too small
Thinking she had lost everything
Betrayed by a best “friend”

A what?
Would a friend try to thwart happiness at every intersection?
Would a friend lead you to believe
Your life isn’t worth living
So that they can get their fix
And help again
“Help” again
Always the helper

This time, she would convince me
To leave him
Then support me
Hold me, through the pain
Based on the lies she created
Yet I needed her
I needed her
My life depended on her
I told myself

So, alone, in solitude, giving no warning to anyone else
I cut
I knew where my blood flowed
And I worked to stop it
Watching the blood, the life flow out of my body
I wondered what came next
There was fear
Lots of fear
Fear of damnation, fear of my body growing lifeless and cold
Fear was all I felt when I fell asleep

And now I awake this morning, 35 years old
Married to a wonderful man
More better than worse
With a joyful, delightful child
With special needs
Who needs me

At time I struggle
But when I sit quietly
I can feel the love surrounding me
The loved that saved me
That saves me
Surrounding my soul
And showing me what I knew all along
The oneness…
The peace.

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Edgy, raw, divine, rich and sexy – if you can write like this, I’d love to have your story on my blog ~ check out the guidelines here

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About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing • Join the hottest group on FB → Sassy Ageless Women

8 thoughts on “[Guest Post] Twenty Years Ago

  1. Your post will inspire so many others who feel desperate and despair and can’t see how bright their future can be. You make me realize how precious our life is and how we need to live it to the fullest. Thank-you.

    1. It amazes me how easily we can be blinded by fear and misperceptions…and deluded into thinking and believing things that simply aren’t true. When we really open our eyes, we see that every aspect of life is beautiful, and worth understanding and fighting for.

  2. Bethany, my heart breaks for you and what you had to go through. Sharing your story will help so many who at that moment feel there is no future worth living for. Thank you for sharing your pain and where you are now.

    1. Thank you, Lois. The interesting thing is that I’ve arrived at a place where I don’t need anything to live for, other than life itself. I want to see it all, find out what lies around the corner, become the best I can be…I want to use it all up! And that’s something that is not dependent on other people’s opinions or approval, or other external circumstances. It’s a pleasant, peaceful place to be.

  3. Very compelling and tragic words of your pain and joy, Bethany. It’s tender how you opened your heart to share them with us. Thank You!

    Congratulations on your guest post! I hope it attracts more people to you and your stories. I know I’m glad I found you.

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