→ Write about fighting about food.
I have a container full of writing prompts. When I pulled this one out this morning I said, “I’m not doing that,” and put it back. But then I thought about it. Where there is resistance there is a knot that needs unravelling.
I could easily tell you about my brother and I fighting over the last piece of cheesecake, or my mother making me stay at the table until I had eaten my broccoli or cauliflower, but I would be cheating. What I should write about is the five years, between the ages of forty and forty-five, when I had a combative relationship with food.
I don’t want to write about it because it seems so foolish now. It is as though someone else inhabited my brain who created weird rules about what I could and couldn’t eat. I forgot about the taste and pleasure of food and only considered the calories and fat/protein/carbohydrate content of what I was eating. And the more I obsessed about food, the more I wanted everything I had designated as “bad”. I used to crave Magnum icecreams, dates and potato chips. These days, I barely eat what some would call “treat” food — not because of any rule, but because I don’t even think about wanting them. Food is no longer the enemy. It is a small insignificant part of my day.
I’m ashamed to admit how screwed up I was around food and embarrassed about how I made an enemy of something so innocuous. It would be like waging a war against another part of nature — trees, or flowers, or the bronze lizards that scurry across the deck.
Food is simply energy, a container of unseen vibrations that we ingest. We can bless and love that energy (like Dr Emoto’s water crystals) or have thoughts of obligation (I should it this because it’s healthy) or guilt (I shouldn’t eat this because it’s junk) when we eat.
Some of my friends often talk about food. The bad fats, the evils of gluten, and the need to give up sugar or processed food. I don’t believe any food is bad for you unless you think it is.
All we need to do is bless our food before we eat it.
I thank the Universe for this wonderful food and infuse it with positive, loving, peaceful thoughts. I greet my food as a friend and appreciate the nourishment it brings to my body.
I have a happy relationship with food these days, but also a controlled one that excludes most processed stuff. That’s because I like being slim. I tried not to care about my size, I really tried, but in the end it was less effort to just get thin than to lie to myself that I felt ok as a bigger person. So it is a kind of compromise, but one that I feel good about. I certainly don’t really think about food, except when I’m hungry, or when I’m eating…
I must admit I’m slightly envious of you being able to stay thin. When I get too lean, I’m always hungry and never satisfied. There seems to be a sweet spot for me where I’m not always looking for food – at a weight where I’m never going to be considered ‘thin’.
As you know me well, you’ll know that I used to. Post comp it took about 4-5 years before there was some normality in my (eating) life. I’m not totally there yet but am in a happy place regardless. Sometimes food is still a big part of my life (as evidenced by my photographic account of my recent holiday LOL) but as long as I’m achieving the balance Sara Lake talks about then I too am happy. I don’t want to be fat person so I generally try to eat accordingly – even if it means having cake AS lunch as opposed to an addition after lunch 🙂
M
You’ve come a long way Miss M x
Well done Katie! And Sara and Magda! While I am not what can be considered a ‘slim’ person, (80-81kg, 1.71m at the moment), I get the arts of what you have discussed.
As you prob gather, I tend to like being an ‘on/off’ person. I luv ‘considered healthy’ food and remain happy even limiting myself to these for months on end. But for habit/whatever the mega ‘binge’ came back…..I could gain 20 plus kilos in under 3 months! I’ve done it many times, or things to that effect, habit. My top effort years ago was 8.8kg gain in 9 days, – and I wasn’t trying to gain weight! Just pack in everything I could possibly ‘ever’ want before I ‘cracked down’ again and got ‘in the zone’. I remember being depressed about that…..then thought ‘who cares’ and decided I wanted to gorge myself and spend big bucks on every type of cake in various coffee shops till I felt like I was gonna burst……and I could eat lots! And I spent too much $…..I could have saved for better stuff.
Have seemed to reaquaint myself with a much better balance of late…..described on my blog. It is a day to day thing though I think!
Oh Pip, I remember the ‘eat everything before I get back on the wagon’ binges. Eeek. Sounds like you’re finding somewhere in between off/on these days
I find that if I’m too ‘black or white’ with food I can get myself bent out of shape. I experienced this about 18 months ago trying to eat ultra ultra healthy. But its not “healthy” if you feel like so called healthy eating is driving you nuts. However, living in the grey works much better for me and I find I’m less driven towards eating junk because I know I can always eat it if I truly want it.
Totally agree Miss Liz x
“Food is no longer the enemy. It is a small insignificant part of my day.”
I wish I could say this. I fight with food all too often. It has become a fallback for me on bad days and a think to do when I am bored.
🙁
Love this post. I agree 1000% about everything you have said, except for the fact that food is significant in my life. As they say, the source of your power is the same source of your wound. We can truly heal ourselves while help others heal with the same wounds in the process, if we feel compelled to do so. I believe this is what you do for many and I for one appreciate it. Wishing you love, light, and good vibrations through everything you do and consume! 🙂
Kelsey
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts x