Polycurious – Polywhat? – Poly Put the Kettle On …

Can you love more than one man? Polycurious


Polycurious means I’m curious about polyamory or non-monogamy.

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning “many” or “several”, and Latin amor, “love”) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Often abbreviated as poly, is often described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.” There is an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic. ~ Wikipedia

I’ve been thinking about the concept of unconditional love and transparency in a relationship. What if there was a workable alternative to monogamy that nurtured everyone involved rather than destroyed them?

In Friendship with God, Neale Donald Walsch writes about God’s love — loving all of us non-exclusively — as a model for our own relationships. When we eliminate need, expectation and jealousy then we are left with unconditional love.

I’m not really doing this justice, the ideas are so different to how I’ve been conditioned to think about love I’m struggling to articulate it.

Can you love more than one person at a time? 

Is sexual intimacy the same as love? Does love require sexual intimacy? 

Is monogamy a kind of sacrifice to prove how much you love someone (forsaking all others and all that)?

Why now?

I haven’t fallen in love with another man and I’m not wanting permission to cheat. I haven’t got someone lined up already to have sex with. I don’t want group sex. I just wonder about attraction and connection with more than one human being. Sometimes I feel like I’ve so much love to give that I should share it around …?

I don’t know. I’m making a mess of this.

All I know is that if the world ended tomorrow, the one thing I would do on my last day on earth is have sex with ALL THE MEN and perhaps ALL THE WOMEN too. This makes me wonder if I’m shutting down a part of who I am.

Don’t Panic

The good thing is I don’t have to panic about this. I am beyond happy in my current relationship. I’m just curious about other ways to love. Polycurious.

Tell Me Your Story

Have you ever loved two men at the same time and wished you could have both of them in your life?
Have you ever thought about polyamory?
Do you have a non-monogamous relationship?
Is there a book/website I should read?

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

18 thoughts on “Polycurious – Polywhat? – Poly Put the Kettle On …

  1. I have many, many times felt this way, and I’m in a 9 year marriage. The husband would never feel this way and I would never tell him I’ve thought about it. All I know is that I’m capable of loving more than one person at a time, but because of my commitment to one who is only capable of loving one, I remain monogamous. I think you are spot on though. Good stuff. No need to debate hitting the “publish” button. It’s a natural and normal feeling I suspect…less we would have far fewer relationships destructing because of cheating. We all want more than what we have sometimes. It’s part of being human. 🙂

    1. Thank you Mariann, I am happy to know I’m not the only one. Wanting more than what we have being part of the human condition is a good point that I will reflect on ♥

  2. This is most odd, I have been thinking about this lately, for exactly the same reasons. I have so much love to give but seems that when we show that love to someone other than our partner it is confused or condemned as being sexual when in truth it is just pure love that you wish to share. Without that pure love, I don’t believe mankind can progress and get to where it should be or where God designed it to be.
    I lived in a polygamous relationship for 2.5 yrs with all our 6 children included. It was wonderful but ruined in the end by unnecessary internal jealousy not by exterior condemnation, although many people thought it a little odd to say the least. I am sure if we could get the sex part out of the equation there would be a lot more REAL love around!!

    1. Thanks for your comment Roger. I’m not sure I want to leave the sex part out of the equation entirely, though. I think that for me the desire to be non-monogamous is not a desire to be promiscuous, but to give love which may or may not lead to physical intimacy. Does that make sense?

  3. I’ve been non-monogamous my whole life and am so lucky to have now found the so called “poly community” in Sydney to stop me feelng like a freak heh.

    I’m ‘dating’ two men, and sleeping with two more on and off and one woman.

    Poly (ethical non-monogamy – read the Ethical Slut!!!!! DO IT!1) works for me. Yes, I recently lost one long term relationship, but we’re great friends and there’s no jealously. Awesome. Happy to chat more via email 🙂

      1. Thanks Fiona. I’m interested to hear it works for you. I shall look for the book and check out the FB group. I might be in touch to find out more (eek I just scared myself with that comment — I think I’m too chicken for this 😀 )

  4. I tried to live that way ‘polyamorously’, in my early 20’s, but discovered that you really need to be in a community of likeminded people, or there can be problems – primarily jealousy, and then women being mean because they think you want to screw their husband.

    Since I’ve been with Jase (12 years now), it doesn’t cross my mind, except to wonder if someone that thinks they have the time to love (romantically) more than one person just doesn’t have enough interesting things to do in life. That’s what I think about polyamory these days: ‘who would ever have the time for it?’ Keeping up with one man is more than enough fun and excitement.

    1. I think sex IS one of the more interesting things to do in life, but that’s just me 😀 As long as we follow our bliss in whatever way works for us then that’s what life’s about. I’m glad you and Jase are so happy together ♥

      1. I’m not talking just about sex, otherwise you are just being polygamous (which is probably easier to manage, logistically). Polyamory involves developing an emotional connection – spending time with someone. That’s thr bit that seems time consuming. And, without that, you’d might as well just use a vibrator, IMO.

  5. Katie I have MANY views on this most fascinating of topics..
    Yes.. it is all about unconditional love and as such you can love more than one person. Mothers do it all the time without any problem. Why should it be different between men and women?
    Social & religious conditioning…

    Love isn’t the same as sexual intimacy…nor does it require it..
    I seem to be at an age where intimacy without some form of love is undesirable or leaves one unfulfilled.. what ever happened to the ‘Make Love not War’ catch cry of the flower power children.. But by the same token I have no desire to be sexually intimate with all those that I love..

    I think monogamy is a choice and not a sacrifice to prove ones love.. or it never was for me.
    Not even a conscious choice. I just found that I lost desire for intimacy with other men when in a deeply loving relationship. That is totally different to ‘lusting’ after someone.. I am only human! I never found myself going ‘oh I can’t do that because..’

    Intimacy… is it all about our desire / need for intimacy? Emotional. intellectual, spiritual and sexual…I suppose I should also add ‘social’ intimacy to the mix… can any one man walk beside you and satisfy all those needs and desires for intimacy? If he does, and it does happen occasionally in a relationship, why on earth would you stray elsewhere? This is interesting stuff and it is good that you wonder about these questions.. possibilities.

    For me.. at this space in time… I think one sexual partner that understands that I love freely and fully many people in my life.. male and female. It isn’t about sex.

    Check out Kamala Devi

  6. Thank you for your very informative article. I am sure people feel comfortable now coming to you about their experience or curiosity. If someone comes to you with a curiosity in having an open or polyamorous marriage that doesn’t mind take part of a social study and lives in or near Los Angeles, can you please direct them my way. I would so appreciate it! xo

  7. It’s not for everyone and takes 3 times more work than a traditional relationship. But the rewards of unconditional love us an amazing state, with the right people together. Best to you and your journey.

  8. I can really relate to this. I’ve struggled with choosing just one man my entire dating life. I’ve always been attracted to so many different types of men. I feel like the fact that I’m a Gemini has something to do with it. The twins inside of me have a very hard time deciding who I should commit to. I’m getting married in a few months to a man I absolutely love so deeply but there’s also another man that I used to be with and I can’t get the thought of loving him out of my head and heart. It’s kind of scaring me because I don’t want to be a cheater (nor have I been) but I do struggle some days with not being able to express all of my feelings to my fiancé and to my exboyfriend. I wish having brother husbands (like sister wives) was a thing! I also wish my fiancé wasn’t such a jealous and possessive person but then again these are also things that contribute to my love for him. It’s just too confusing at times.

  9. What a relief to know I am not some downcast crazy person for feeling the same ways. I had a couple serious occasion that just broke my heart where I felt wow I just met my soul mate but I’m married and its not cool to have those feelings for someone else. I had a online relationship that if she were local probably would have turned physical and I thought about her every day. We had such a connection and it started out she was just my instructor for an online course so its not like either of us were looking. At the same time I gave similar attention to my wife and didn’t sway from being the same guy I was to her but I spent at least 2 hours per day on the phone or on chats with my instructor talking about our lives and feelings we shared. Minus the sex part since we were miles apart for a year I sent her money and sent her gifts on Holidays and helped her as she helped me in being there any time she needed. I had something similar happen 1 other time but it was not online it was local at a job I had. The intellectual connection was amazing and so was the physical attraction. However in the end ended all of these relations to be quote normal.

Comments are closed.