It Could Have Been Worse

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In my imagination I am lying in bed with Duckfish, asleep, in my old flat around the corner from here. It is 3am. An unusual sound wakes me. I see a familiar figure standing at the end of the bed. He is holding a gun. In this dream, three of us end up dead instead of one.

In my imagination I see people on a train platform sprayed with bullets… or people on a train that doesn’t stop being crushed as it smashes into another … or watching in horror as a man leaps on to the tracks in front of a driver who can’t brake in time.

In my imagination I know it could have been much worse. A mental illness, left untreated, is an explosion waiting to be detonated. A theatre full of people watching a movie in the dark brushes up against a man who doesn’t know what to do with his pain. The end result is worse than anything I can imagine.

Some days I am happy that the only person the man I married hurt was himself. I feel guilty because I’m relieved, because I am safe, because the tragedy involved only one person.

Because — when I stop and think about it —  it could have been much worse.


About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

4 thoughts on “It Could Have Been Worse

  1. i read this post days ago and can’t stop thinking about it. perspective is so powerful, it can really change everything. this gives me the bumps.

    1. It’s like the story about being in a car accident. You can think — I’m so unlucky I got in a wreck or I’m so lucky I didn’t get killed. Shit happens to everyone but it is possible to feel lucky and blessed at the same time.

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