Why God Shits Me

I am railing against the Christian beliefs that steal happiness and self-love from women's lives.

I am railing against the Christian beliefs that steal happiness and self-love from women's lives.

In a time long ago, before iPads and laser hair removal, my parents almost got a divorce. I think I was about seven years old at the time.

My dad was working as a carpenter during the day and a taxi driver at night leaving my mother at home with two school aged children. The details are murky, but from what I can tell, my dad was a little too friendly with the receptionist at the taxi company.

The remedy for my parent’s unraveling marriage was God. They both joined a Pentecostal church, got born again, baptised in water and baptised in the Holy Spirit (including speaking in tongues). My brother and I were dragged along for the ride.

My own salvation and spiritual path lasted from that time until I was around twenty-one. Full of self-discipline and the fear of eternal punishment, I managed to (technically) preserve my virginity throughout my teenage years. When I finally succumbed to my sexual nature and slept with a kind ‘unbeliever’, my love affair with Jesus ended.

It was OK to lie about my transgressions and continue in the church, but once I admitted I enjoyed sex and refused to follow the path of repentance and future abstinence I was asked to leave — labelled as a ‘backslider’.

My mother will tell you her greatest sadness is she won’t see me in heaven. She feels she has failed me because she can’t secure my soul’s comfort in the afterlife.

When it comes to God, I know what I’m talking about.

And God shits me.

I could write a tirade against men of God trying to suppress the natural sexual power of women that would be several thousand words long, but not today. Today I am railing against the Christian beliefs that steal happiness and self-love from women’s lives.

“I am a sinner,” she writes. “I’ve read 50 Shades of Grey, I watch reality TV and I get angry at my husband. I’m disappointed that I keep giving in to the Devil and I can’t be more like Jesus.”

Every single day, women beat themselves up because they’ve failed to emulate a man who lived 2,000 years ago. The account of Jesus’ life, recorded in the Bible (by his biased biographers), is the blueprint they hold up for living a rich, full and meaningful life. Anything less means they’re broken, flawed, ungodly and evil. Original sin is impossible to escape.

It’s bullshit. It’s damaging. It’s a lie.

We weren’t born to become cardboard cut-outs of a man who lived in Palestine all those years ago. There isn’t a God in the sky who will judge our deeds at the moment of our death and send us to an eternity of heaven or hell. Reading an erotic book or masturbating doesn’t mean you’ve failed someone or something. When you break rules that are senseless in the first place, there are no consequences.

Religion is indoctrinated into the hearts of many who will never escape its insidious claws, so I know my perspective will never change their beliefs.

But my heart still breaks when I see women who don’t realise how beautiful and perfect being different, being unique, and being human really is.

The only God I believe in is the god essence that lives in me which I recognise as love. It’s my loving nature that feels wounded when I pretend to be something that I’m not. And what I’ll never be is a pure, blameless, righteous person.

It’s just not in my nature, my human nature.

You can keep your God with his non-stop judgment of my actions, and I’ll keep honouring the godlike nature of love that originates from my soul.

I’ll continue to fornicate, get in bad moods, eat what I want and read erotica. I’ll try not to hurt other people, but when I do (and I will) I’ll ask for forgiveness and try to love myself and the world even more.

I fiercely defend my right to be flawed, imperfect and evolving.

These are my commandments.

{photo source}

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing • Join the hottest group on FB → Sassy Ageless Women

30 thoughts on “Why God Shits Me

  1. This = BRILLIANT. My thoughts exactly. I read so many blogs where the girls try to live in the light of Jesus and then beat themselves up over not being the perfect, god-fearing suzie-home-maker. It’s so disappointing.

    1. I’ll admit I saw the notification of a comment in my email and prepared myself for the worst. It was such a nice surprise to have your positive input and to be reminded that I’m not alone. Thank you so much, Ren ♥

      1. You’re very welcome. It wouldn’t surprise me if you do get a bit of a roasting, but religion, I’ve found, tends to bring out both the absolute worst as well as the absolute best in people. And I think I’ve just found a new favourite blog to read. 🙂

  2. You’ll probably hate that I’m even making a comment but here goes –

    I think what you’re railing against is organized religion (which is human instigated, not God driven) not God himself. For what it’s worth, it sounds like the people that you’ve quoted have spun themselves into a web of beating themselves up based on a man made “religion”. ie what the Church says.

    If you study the Bible closely, Jesus was the champion of the downtrodden, the outsiders, the sinners, the weak. His message was one of compassion and acceptance of all.

    God made us in His own likeness and designed our bodies for pleasure. In all the great world religions there is a focus on honouring the body, honouring the sacredness of sex and love (I’ve been studying Hindi texts for my Yoga teacher training) and the concept of ‘saving oneself for one partner’ is more reflective emphasizing sex as something special, rather than using for just the mundane ie reproduction.

    Really it doesn’t sound too far from the message you are trying to get across in your blog 🙂

    It’s not God that shits you, it’s the upbringing you have had. There’s a huge point of difference. Your mother knows no more than me whether you’re going to Heaven or not. It doesn’t matter. How you live your life does. And you know that more than most.

    Now I’m going to run before I potentially get roasted.

    1. No need to run — I’m happy to agree with you that Jesus, like Buddha and other historical spiritual leaders, had a message of love and compassion.

      But I don’t believe there is an omnipotent power who created me in his likeness and has given me a set of rules to live by. There is no heaven, there is no hell and the Bible is an interpretation of history written by mortal men.

      So the idea of “God” with a big “G” does shit me after all. I can’t see any way that believing in a supernatural (arguably hard to please) deity will bring joy or meaning to my life. I’ve been on both sides of the argument, and I’ve happily landed on the ‘unbelievers’ side.

      Thank you for your comment. I was hoping to get responses from those that disagree with me as well as those that agree.

  3. I was an atheist for so long because I couldn’t figure out what god is, based on religion. And then I read Eat Pray Love and finally got it: “god dwells within you as you yourself, just the way you are.” God is positive, loving energy…no more, no less. I believe in god, but do not label myself with any particular religion. I believe that the vast majority of religions are about controlling others…for sure, some of them have some great teachings, but those teachings are not from without…

  4. Katie, first off, I want to applaud your honesty and strong values and stance.

    I was mostly brought up episcopal and mormon, when my family even went to church. But I was raised my much more open-minded parents who were more “spiritual but not religious.” So I might have a somewhat weird view of this.

    I’m inclined to agree with Liz up there.

    It seems to me what you’re railing again is organized religion (man-made). Because humans have free will and are often greedy and corrupt when given or taking power or control, Religion tells you that God is all-knowing, judgmental, and raining down fire and brimstone; that we MUST live a certain way, do certain things, and say certain words; and that if we don’t, we’re going to hell. But if we’re perfect, we are saved.

    When humans take these things and twist them, they call it “Religion.” Followers often tend to follow blindly and take things are face value.

    Organized Religion, I think, is a bunch of hooey. Brainwashed masses.

    But I think and believe that spirituality and faith – in their purest forms – are about love and are separate, completely, from man-made Religion.

    Yes, I believe in God with a capital G or lower-case or the universe or the supernatural creator or whatever. Yes, I personally believe in Christ and Heaven and Hell. But I also believe in a true paradise in the after life. I also believe in nature and its beauty and as beings of nature we are beautiful – I got that from the Love Ninja lessons!

    But I don’t believe that we are doomed to Hell just because we are not perfect. Hell is a place for the very bad, who don’t know love or who don’t love – murderers, rapists, molesters, etc. I believe that I reserve the right to be wrong because there is a chance that I’m wrong.

    I believe that we are and were created out of love and ultimately to BE LOVE. I believe that God is love. I believe that you are love and that I am love. We are love and passion. I believe that, while yes I am a “sinner” (whatever that might mean, maybe hurting someone or something or cheating on my partner or espionage), I am love and a good person. I make every attempt to live morally, right, and ethically. If I hurt someone, I seek forgiveness. I believe in you, me, my family, friends. I believe we are all connect and that our actions count for something and affect those outside of just ourselves.

    When it comes down to the man-made organized religions, I’m intrigued by the stories and beliefs.

    Spiritual but not religious. You’re making me think. That’s one of my favorite things about you, Katie. You make me think. I’ve been thinking about my beliefs a lot lately. I’m very spiritual but refuse to be brainwashed, controlled, and restricted by the man-made bullshit. My faith, love, and spirituality are mine and mine alone. I share them and talk about people with like-minded core values and beliefs, but they are mine.

    I believe in all of it and none of it (man-made religious bullshit).

    Sorry for the rambling, jumbled mess. This is me going with the flow of the thoughts and words.

    Also? I just want to thank you. Just because. Much love!

    1. Teala, loved your response. You really expanded on what I wanted to say. True religion is about how you live your life, not necessarily following some arbitrarily contrived man made rules etc etc. It’s the Hindi concept of “living your dharma” which I really connect with.

    2. It is important to know what you stand for … and to be willing to defend your values even if they’re not the same as others. Teala, you have stated what you believe clearly and eloquently so my job here is done 🙂
      Thanks for the love — right back at you.

      1. It is extremely important to know and UNDERSTAND what you stand for. Otherwise, you’re a drone just moving through life, and living a prescribed by of living. Arbitrarily. Man-made rules? I call bullshit. I will live by the “laws” of the “system” of government, but the “rules” of a man-made “religion?” No thank you. I know my truth. We should all know our truth and live by it.

        Thank you, Katie. 🙂

  5. Hi Katie, for the most part, I agree with you about organized religion; and, it sounds like you are beginning to embrace “Unity over Duality” in the spiritual developmental sense, (plus much more) and that’s cool.

    However, I just have to ask you, what does “Why God Sh***Me” mean? And, is your use of profanity really necessary to get your point across; like, aren’t you turning off a whole group of readers who might otherwise follow you. I get the shock value of the title, but have you considered it could decrease your read ship instead of increasing it, like most writers want. Just askin’ . . . just sayin . . . just learnin.’

    Linda

    1. Hi Linda
      Saying something shits me is a light-hearted way to say something irritates or annoys me … as in “television shits me” or “cardio shits me” … etc. I thought it was a common expression, but perhaps not.

      Profanity is part of my nature and I swear all the time on this blog as I do in real life. It’s part of the paradox of my personality — I love beauty and elegance and yet I swear like a sailor.

      I’m not writing to attract readers who don’t resonate with the real me. My days of trying to make everyone like me, by being something I’m not, are well and truly behind me.

  6. Hi Katie, you said . . .

    “Saying something shits me is a light-hearted way to say something irritates or annoys me … as in “television shits me” or “cardio shits me” … etc. I thought it was a common expression, but perhaps not.”

    OKAY, I GET IT. AND YOU ARE CORRECT, IT IS NOT AS COMMON AN EXPRESSION, THAT I KNOW OF, IN THE USA. I TOTALLY GET THAT THE DUALITY EXPLANTION OF GOD CAN GET VERY IRITATING TO SOMEONE ALONG THE JOURNEY TO ENLIGHTMENT.

    Profanity is part of my nature and I swear all the time on this blog as I do in real life. It’s part of the paradox of my personality — I love beauty and elegance and yet I swear like a sailor. REALLY, THAT’S INTERESTING. MAYBE I’M JUST OLD FASHION AND HAD MY MOUTH WASHED OUT ONE TOO MANY TIMES GROWING UP GOOD CATHOLIC FAMILY :))

    I’m not writing to attract readers who don’t resonate with the real me. ABSOLUTELY, AND I AM NOT SUGGEST YOU WOULD OR SHOULD DO SUCH A THING.

    My days of trying to make everyone like me, by being something I’m not, are well and truly behind me. I WAS NOT SUGGESTING THAT YOU DO IT SO PEOPLE WOULD LIKE YOU, THE READER DECIDES THAT AFTER THE SHE READS YOUR PIECE. I’M JUST SUGGESTING THAT MANY POTENTIAL READERS MAY NOT READ YOUR BLOG BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T KNOW THAT “SHITS ME” MEANS “IRRITATES ME.”

    PERHAPS IT IS JUST A CULTURAL AND/OR LANGUAGE BARRIER. LIVE AND LEARN. THE TOPIC OF DUALITY VS UNITY IS RELEVANT FOR MANY OF US TODAY, AND ITS INTERESTING TO GET YOUR TAKE ON IT. WE DON’T DISAGREE ON THAT. XOX

  7. There is no way I can comment on this in any thoughtful and well worded way, it is too early on a Sunday morning for me!

    I was brought up in a Pentecostal church – the speaking in tongues, the manifesting… everything. As I blogged recently, I now have a huge bias against anyone that labels themselves a Christian — because I am scared.

    I don’t like the church, I don’t like what they do, how they manipulate people and how they get away with it.

    My Mum has a serious mental illness – schizophrenia. She ‘hears’ the voice of her god. Religion in society today delayed her diagnosis by almost ten years — after all, aren’t Christian’s *meant* to hear the voice of God? It was only when it came out that her god was encouraging her to be a ‘foot soldier’ and ‘punish’ my father (emotionally, physically and however else she decided) that the police stepped in, forced her into a mental unit and she received help (that she doesn’t want, of course).

    Up until that point people were willing to turn a blind eye, because if she was hearing from god, surely it was a good thing?

    Clearly, I do not have a healthy relationship with the church, or anyone’s god (and I firmly believe that everyone has their *own* god. I have never heard anyone discuss their god at great lengths and completely agree with another interpretation), but I have not seen a church or religious organisation do good without also doing damage.

    People should want to be good for the sake of being good. Not because it might give them access to a magical afterlife. Why do we need the dangling carrot of an afterlife to behave with compassion, love and kindness?

    (Sorry, I’m not sure if any of that makes sense!)

    1. Hi Liz,
      Yes it makes perfect sense.
      “I have never heard anyone discuss their god at great lengths and completely agree with another interpretation” ~ this is so true, as is this ~ “People should want to be good for the sake of being good. Not because it might give them access to a magical afterlife.”
      Thank you for your insight.

  8. yeah katie! i’m a “heathen”, shun churches and their ministers….and find it oddly amusing that by just being me i am a better “christian” towards my fellow man that those who profess to follow “the lord”….

    1. I wasn’t going to comment, but John you captured it. “I am a better “chrisian” towards my fellow man than those who profess to follow “the lord” I am very leery of people who loudly profess to be christian and then proceed to rape pilage and plunder as they make it through their life still telling everyone “praise the Lord” and by going to church it clears them of the previous weeks wrong doing to others. I am good person because it is the right thing to be not because if I am not I will be eternally punished. I do believe in my God, And that is the point – It’s what my relationship is with him, not anyone elses – They have what they want to believe, don’t try to change me because I certainly won’t try to change you. In my book as long as you are not hurting anyone by what you do – you are free to do what you believe, again you are not allowed to hurt people in striving towards what you believe. Acceptance of everyones differences would really go a long way in making this a better world.

  9. *two thumbs up* and a head nodding in your direction!! from one raised southern baptist in the usa.

  10. A big fucking thank you for this blog Katie. …I too have been on both sides of Christianity &in my experience it fucked me up&condoned a dysfunctional&abusive family situation. I can understand that it provides a useful worldview for some people, but Ive found far more healing&lifegiving through coming to terms with, &slowly accepting myself in all my muddleness. I first came across your blog when I was at a really low point&have been&continue to be inspired&intrigued by you. Thanks for your raw honesty 🙂

  11. So many comments…

    I’ve left the church behind, too. I was raised in and attended one Evangelical church or another for years. At least one was borderline Fundie, but most Evangelicals are in some way, just not rabidly so about it.

    Anyway, in the last few years, a lot of scholarship about Christianity became a lot more available (praise the Internet) and this happened just I got a serious handle on how stories work. Add in a personal crisis that taught me a lot about myself and how men are badly served by today’s society, I quite literally “fell away” from my faith in a series of steps. One of those was stepping out from under the “Christian guilt” which is basically the church saying “if you call yourself a Christian, you do this and that and not the other”. They will deny this, of course.

    But I’m not ready to give up on spirituality or mythology. So I moved into Wicca. One thing I really like about Wicca is the central tenet: “Do what you will, so long as you harm none”.

    The gods in Wicca are also very very different to the Christian god. In some ways, they are the hard-to-understand and quite scary types that don’t care all that much for humans. I particularly like the Horned God, who is kind of who (or what) I’ve been searching for for a lot longer than I realized. http://theastrarium.tumblr.com/post/96388941786/the-image-of-the-horned-god-in-witchcraft-is

  12. Yup- I live in the bible belt ( there’s 3 churches within walking distance to my home) and yet I am surrounded by judgemental, hypocritical people who feel that religion has given them the right to be this way. Personally, I am pagan and so I thoroughly enjoyed your post. I do not dare speak of my religion to others for fear of roasting- pun intended- I am a witch after all and historically being outspoken hasn’t gone well for us! ! Kudos to you for living your life by your rules and writing about it so that maybe others will have the courage to do so as well!!

  13. I couldn’t agree with you more, Katie. I think you expressed a very important topic here. Organized religion was designed to control the masses. I was raised Mormon (talk about guilt trips) and later Christian (more guilt trips). But through it all I questioned EVERYTHING. I think that’s what saved me from falling in line with all the religious bullshit. My faith is primarily based on Christ’s teachings of love, compassion and tolerance. I had to smile when I read Jackie’s comment. I live in the bible belt as well and have several wiccan friends. Our progressive outlook is where we find common ground. Freeing my self from religion has allowed me to embrace my womanhood. Thank you for another great read!

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