Connection to Me

statue On Thursday there was a pinching in my right hand side, deep between my stomach and my back. This was ovulation — I recognised it.

Not because it was on time — god knows my cycle is no longer reliable. My period comes early and it comes late. My hormones are telling me the end of my reproductive life is near. The ticking clock is about to stop.

What amazes me is this connection with my body. When I was dieting, I tried so hard to ignore the biological impulse of hunger that I blocked everything else out. Eventually, my hormones crashed and I no longer menstruated. My body and I were strangers.

Now, like the phases of the moon, I know where I am in my cycle and how it affects me. This is a gift and a pleasure.

On the weekend all my body wanted was the thrill of skin against skin, mouth against mouth, consumed with a longing to be filled up. But all too quickly the lush, sensual yearning of ovulation is beaten out by the downhill slide into PMT.

Today my breasts are tender, preparing for a period that could be my last. I cannot feel resentful, I’ll be sorry when it’s gone.

Oh the joy of connecting to this crazy, complex and magnificent body my soul inhabits.


Can you feel what your body is doing throughout the month? Does it amaze or distress you?

→ photo by ketrin1407 

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

11 thoughts on “Connection to Me

  1. My body amazes me every single day. Not only when TOM is approaching, is here and then ends but the magnificence of how it functions, without thought, every second of every minute of every hour of every day. My body is no longer an enemy but a friend that always does what is best for me and for that I am so grateful :).

    When you see that a physical body is a gift that gives your soul a place to inhabit in this lifetime, life changes and it doesn’t matter what your shape or size, you love and accept yourself just as you are, which is always changing anyway.

    Shit, that was a bit deep all the way from France :).

  2. I know my cycle like the back of my hand. Always have from a very young age. Always amazes me the number of women who don’t. I have educated many women, both young and older the signals of their cycle. I think it’s important to know, so that when things change you can recognise the changes quickly. It some cases it can mean the difference between a good or bad outcome.

    Even knowing my cycle, it has taken me a long time to embrace that part of me that makes me uniquely woman. Teaching my daughter about her female body helped a lot. And now instead of bemoaning the awful pain that tears through me at the beginning of my period, I try to acknowledge it as my body telling me rest. Doesn’t always work, but is becoming more and more the norm.

  3. Hey Katie

    Yes, I kow my body pretty well. I’ve always been a 28 day girl, except when I’ve taken antibiotics, travelled on long 24 hr flights across the world or in the past when I’ve abused drugs. That’s how my son was conceived. My cycle was all out of whack. Best thing that ever happened to me.

    Whenever I get sore boobs, period pain, PMT, headaches I just remind myself that it is my body functioning properly and I hope I get to use it again to make me another baby one day. One I can share with someone.


  4. I am lunar: usually I menstruate on the new moon, but if something upsets my cycle (say being sick or having jetlag), it may change to the new moon for a few months, but it’s always one or the other. Probably this is weird.

  5. After a lifetime of regularity I now find that the ‘change’ confronting. Seventeen days between periods, two week long periods, fatigue. But the worst thing is the loss of temperature control. At the moment I’m just hot all the time, and not just because of where I live! I probably have taken many things about my body for granted over the years, just not really happy with the inner workings at the moment. I just hope things settle soon.

    1. One of my whacky theories (of which I have many) is that expecting menopause to be problematic is part of the patriarchy conspiracy to oppress women (you get what you expect and all that).

      My mother told me that the ‘change’ can be easy and without symptoms if that’s what you believe is natural. Once I adopted this idea all the flushes and insomnia stopped and things have been fine. A little irregularity but only a few days either side. Perhaps looking at the process with new eyes might help?

      I’m not without sympathy though, I know it can be really tough …

      1. Good thinking 99!!! I certainly believe it’s all natural.
        By treating my body better ie no dieting, moderate enjoyable exercise, giving up the foods my body doesn’t like, and eating and enjoying food my body needs, I am hoping that, sorry believe that things will improve.

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