Here Comes the Bride

beach wedding

{photo source}*

In two weeks Duckfish will be divorced.

On Saturday someone who met their boyfriend at the same time I met Duckfish got married.

A woman whose husband committed suicide only thirteen months ago is engaged to be married in August.

My mother asked me on the phone on Sunday night if I ever expect to marry Duckfish.

There seems to be a lot of this marriage thing going around.

Duckfish and I have been together for two years and two months today (happy twenty-six months baby) and if I was the marrying kind I’d marry him in a heartbeat.

He is everything I hoped for and more.

He is the person I’ve been searching for my whole life.

But I’m not going to marry him.

It’s got nothing to with him, with us, with the depth of our love. I wish there was a way to prove to the world what he means to me without having to become his wife… but it still seems that unless you’re married you’re not really serious about each other.

We’re the exception to the rule. We’re the ones who can seize love in the present moment and watch it grow stronger without our interference.

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Here is why I’ll never marry the love of my life:

  1. Already tried it and it didn’t work. I’m smart enough to take notice of the lessons the past teaches me.
  2. I can’t see how it will make me better off than I already am — for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others — already got it. For long as we both shall live? An impossible promise to make.
  3. I don’t need financial support or shared assets.
  4. I don’t need to sign a contract when my heart’s already been given away freely.
  5. I want the door to stay open so I know we’re together because we choose to be not because it’s too difficult to leave.
  6. I don’t need the permission of a God I don’t believe in to be in a committed relationship.

We’re all climbing the same mountain hoping to see the same moon.

That’s my current mantra. It means we all want the same thing but we believe different paths will get us there. Some women want and need to be married. That’s perfectly fine by me. I don’t think their choice is good or bad — it’s just their pathway to feel loved, adored, protected and a sense of belonging.

I feel loved, adored, protected and a sense of belonging without a ceremony, a contract and a ring on my finger.

It’s the same mountain and the same moon.

And it’s beautiful up here …


*did you think that photo was Duckfish and me for a second?

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

8 thoughts on “Here Comes the Bride

  1. “5. I want the door to stay open so that I know that we’re together because we choose to be not because it’s too difficult to leave.” I think this is perfect! :).

  2. I feel much the same way about marriage. If I did ever wind up in another relationship that I felt very serious about, I probably wouldn’t mind throwing a huge party with family to celebrate us and call it a wedding, but there’d be none of the religious or legal ramifications tied to the whole deal. It’d just be an excuse to party with my loved ones and show off my honey eh?

  3. I think the problem of marriage boils down to number 5. There’s a point where a ball of string gets so tangled it’s just easier to leave it as it is (a total freaking mess) than to spend the time and effort to untangle it.

    So I really love the list, Katie, and while I don’t think marriage will ever be the minority, I think people are waiting longer and longer so they make more informed decisions, which is about all you can ask for when they’re conditioned to want it.

    1. Thanks Adam for sharing your thoughts. Interesting about being ‘conditioned’ to want marriage … it would be nice if that changed one day.

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