It is 2010 and I’m still at my old job. I sit at my desk in my office, in front of the huge windows that overlook the northern broadwalk of the White Sails Asylum. Beyond the granite tiles, the blue water of Sydney Harbour sparkles as it catches the late summer sun .
I don’t want to work.
I want to pick up my bag and leave. I want to enjoy this splendid day and lay on a white sandy beach somewhere.
But I don’t.
I don’t follow my feelings — instead I sigh wistfully and move on with my day.
“Well, doh!” you might be thinking. Doesn’t everyone put their commitments above their feelings?
At work — usually. In our relationships — maybe.
With ourselves — not so much.
Have you made a commitment to believe in yourself and to look after yourself with kindness and love?
Have you decided to love and respect who you truly are?
Then why is it that when you feel off, sad, fat, disappointed, foolish, hurt, uncomfortable that you follow the feeling rather than your commitment?
Would you only look after your kids when you actually liked them?
Would you throw your boyfriend’s clothes into the street and break up with him every time he irritated you?
Of course not.
Then don’t stop looking after yourself just because you don’t like yourself much today.
Don’t break up with yourself because you’re irritating yourself.
Don’t act on your feelings and throw your commitment under the bus.
Notice what’s going on instead.
I made a mistake and hurt someone by accident but I’m still worthy of my love.
Things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to and I’m disappointed but I’m still worthy of my love.
I’m carrying healing weight that I don’t much like but I’m still worthy of my love.
I’ve made a commitment. I won’t falter at the first hurdle. Feelings are important and I listen to them but I don’t have to always follow where they lead.
I’m loving myself — no matter how I feel.
Today I sit at my desk in my office and look out the window at the the blue water of Sydney Harbour sparkling as it catches the late summer sun.
Wearing only shorts and a singlet, I unplug my laptop and relocate to the terrace where the morning sun warms my back. It is right here where I’m writing this post. I’m still committed to the ‘work’ — showing up here and showing up for myself.
→ Are you committed to believing you’re worthy of love no matter how you feel?