What is Self-Love? What is the Love Matrix?

“Awareness born of love is the only force that can bring healing and renewal. Out of our love for another person, we become more willing to let our old identities wither and fall away, and enter a dark night of the soul, so that we may stand naked once more in the presence of the great mystery that lies at the core of our being.

This is how love ripens us – by warming us from within, inspiring us to break out of our shell, and lighting our way through the dark passage to new birth.” ~ John Welwood

It has been said that in order for you to attain a complete and fulfilling life, you must learn to love yourself and without loving yourself you will never be able to love others.

So this self-love thing must be a big deal! What is self-love and how do we know we’ve got it?

I invite you to pause for a moment and contemplate what self-love means to you. What picture comes to mind, what other words could you use?

Everyone will experience the notion of self-love differently. But what is irrefutable is that you already have it. You don’t have to learn to love yourself — you already do.

The purpose of The Love Matrix Project is to alert you to the ways in which you already demonstrate you’re worth it. It’s a journey into consciousness and mindfulness. It’s fostering your innate sense of who you are without all the stories and limiting beliefs that have built up over the years.

Self-love is not a narcissistic pre-occupation with the fact that you are better than everyone else. Self-love is not feeling good about yourself all the time. Self-love is better described as self-esteem, self-regard or self-respect.

The Love Matrix Definition of Self-Love

Self love (self-esteem) is “the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness,” [Nathaniel Branden]

Self-love is demonstrated by our attitudes and actions. This is what self-love looks like in our daily lives [the six faces of self-love] ~


  • you firmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when finding opposition, while feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.


  • you do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what could happen in the future. You learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in the present intensely.


  • you’re able to act according to what you think to be the best choice, trusting your own judgment, and not feeling guilty when others don’t like your choice.
  • you are sensitive to feelings and needs of others and claim no right or desire to prosper at others’ expense.


  • you realize that you are the author of your choices and actions. The question is not “who’s to blame?” but always “what needs to be done?” (“what do I need to do?”)
  • you fully trust in your capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties. You ask others for help when you need it.


  • you admit and accept different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative, revealing those drives to others only when you choose.
  • you consider yourself equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while accepting differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.
  • you know you are an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those with whom you have a friendship.


  • you give your life meaning and purpose rather than searching for it. You face your fears in order to reach your highest potential.

What is the Matrix?

The word matrix has many meanings but in this experience it means ~

A situation or surrounding substance within which something else originates, develops, or is contained.

Love is the surrounding substance within which self-love/self-esteem originates, develops and is contained. Our loving relationships with the people in our lives is the fertile soil for the growth of our self-regard.

You’re there already, you just haven’t realised it yet

You know how to do most of this stuff. If you’ve ever ~

  • broken up with someone who has treated you badly
  • sought out a new job because the one you had was a dead-end
  • confronted someone who has hurt you emotionally
  • recovered from an addiction or a disorder
  • helped out someone less fortunate than you
  • healed from emotional wounds
  • started something new
  • taken a course
  • stuck up for someone who has been treated unjustly
  • gone to a doctor because you’re sick
  • asked for help

~ then you’ve been loving yourself all along.

Self-love doesn’t mean that you’ll never beat yourself up again, you’ll get rid of all your flaws or you’ll always be happy with what you think, say and do. Self-love is realizing your flaws and your unique gifts are part of the beauty of the world.

Self-love is believing you can get through whatever life throws at you and that you deserve happiness. The Love Matrix Project will switch on a light in the darkness and show you you’re stronger and more worthy of happiness than you think.


tlmpThe next teaching semester of Love Matrix Project will begin on 1 April 2012. To take advantage of the early bird two-for-one bonus, make sure you check out the details by clicking here.

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing • Join the hottest group on FB → Sassy Ageless Women