Figure out what really matters • Part two of the wish list exercise

by KatieP, in category Head | Mindfulness

figure out what really matters
Deep down inside, what is important to you? What to you want your life to stand for? What sort of human do you want to be?

Knowing the answer to these questions will clarify your own personal value system and help you make decisions about what achievements matter to you.

[for this to make sense you need to do the “I wish…” exercise first]

Take your list of five wishes and with each one determine what value(s) it represents in your life.

Scan the values in the picture above. You may find that while most values have little or no significance to you (and some may even seem negative to you), there are those values that just jump out and call to you, and you feel, “Yes, this value is part of me.”

Here’s how it works for me

  1. I wish my memoir was published = AUTHENTICITY & CREATIVITY
  2. I wish I could earn my living doing what I love = INDEPENDENCE & LEADERSHIP
  3. I wish I could always keep studying and learning =  INTELLIGENCE & LEARNING
  4. I wish I had even more passion, (self) love and sex in my life = PASSION & SELF-CARE
  5. I wish I could have more holidays on the beach = SPIRITUALITY

You can rank them in order of importance. Mine are …

  1. authenticity
  2. learning
  3. passion
  4. creativity
  5. spirituality
  6. independence
  7. intelligence
  8. self-care
  9. leadership

Or you can take a moment to consider which ones you are doing well in and which need a little more work. Make the ones you want to focus on a higher priority.

Now that you know what really matters to you and the most important values in your life you can make decisions based on whether your behaviour increases this character trait or detracts from it. This clarifies your long-term goals, your short-term projects and your daily choice about how to act in any situation.

How much of what I’m doing gets me closer to who I am, and how much takes me farther away?

Everyone will have a different set of values. Please share yours below.

PS: If you would like to dig deeper into this area download The Values Intention Worksheet  by clicking here.

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About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

9 thoughts on “Figure out what really matters • Part two of the wish list exercise”

  1. Ok here goes, a little unsure what values to put where but ill use the pic above and try it. Would love your feedback.

    – I wish I could have my family near. FAMILY & CONNECTION
    – I wish I was one of ‘those’ mums naturally and it wasn’t such a hard slog to even just manage being a mum. FAMILY & ??? Really unsure about this one.
    – I wish I could run my own business. INDEPENDENCE & AMBITION
    – I wish I had told my Grandad, before he died, exactly how great my childhood was because of him. LOVE & ???
    – I wish I could respond better to/change the relationship with my daughter FAMILY & ????

    As you can see Im not sure Im doing it right, theres not alot there and I cant seem to work it out.

  2. Try this — without thinking about it what are the five most important values you want to pass on to your children? First five, straight out of your heart please — GO!

    1. Interesting …
      I’m thinking that honesty and authenticity are the same thing so from your wish list I would guess
      – I wish I could have my family near. FAMILY & LOVE
      – I wish I was one of ‘those’ mums naturally and it wasn’t such a hard slog to even just manage being a mum. NURTURING & INTUITION
      – I wish I could run my own business. SELF-BELIEF & AMBITION
      – I wish I had told my Grandad, before he died, exactly how great my childhood was because of him. LOVE & AUTHENTICITY
      – I wish I could respond better to/change the relationship with my daughter NURTURING & INTUITION

      SELF CARE is probably underneath wanting to be a good mum without struggling so much (which shows up in #2 and #5) but I’m just making guesses here.

      Am I totally off or getting close??

  4. Your very close Katie, Thank you.
    Number 1 and 4 I can’t do anything about and that is something I need to deal with as both eat me up and are probably causing me some inner turmoil.

    I definately need to work on my NURTURING as seen in numbers 2 & 5, well my perception of it anyway.
    I have love in abundance for my kids, so much its hurts infact, seriously I just have to look at them and I feel myself fill to the brim with that oooozing, melting, you are my world love but when it comes to nuturing Im ashamed to say sometimes this lacks……. due to time, other stresses and being self absorbed sometimes.

    Number 3 is definately an area I need more work on as if I gave as much positive energy to myself as I do negative then I would be AMAZING 🙂

    Thanks for your help.xxxx

    1. A question to think about next time you feel stressed and you’re with the kids “what can I do to nurture them (in terms of specific observable actions) right now even though I feel stressed?” I bet you can hug them, say something nice to them, do something small for them … come up with your own. Next time you’re in a stressful situation, just notice what you do …

      Let me know if this helps…

  5. OK here is my original list and the values I feel it represents….

    1. I wish I enjoyed playing with my kids – Fun & connection
    2. I wish I was consistently sober – self care
    3.I wish I owned a house in the country with a bedroom for everyone, a big kitchen and a big garden. – Nurturing & security
    4. I wish I loved to fall asleep with my husband – Connection & security
    5. I wish I could drive wherever I wanted without crippling anxiety – Independence & self belief

    Not sure if all of these ARE values…I had trouble with the sobriety one as it effects SO MANY areas of my life that it was difficult to pin down. These are my values in rank order.

    1. Self belief
    2. Independence
    3. Security
    4. Connection
    5. Fun
    6. Self care
    7. Nurturing

    Wow I’m pretty low on all of these right now…the self care is improving which I hope will bolster the self belief which will give a good example to my kids and help with the nurturing.

    Yesterday I booked a set of 6 refresher driving lessons that I am going to use in the NY. I’ve seen that Paul McKenna does some fear of driving hypnosis which I am going to buy in preparation for this. If this doesn’t work then I’m going to have to go and see a professional but if it’s that important that it’s in my original top five then it’s obviously something that’s holding me back and so it’s a priority!

    Ta ra for now! x

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