The Insidiousness of Comparison

There are so many ways to feel like I’m not good enough and blog world is the perfect breeding ground for feelings of inadequacy.

In an effort to banish my preoccupation with the size and shape of my body, I have deleted all my weight loss blogs and subscriptions. Instead I am reading healthy lifestyle blogs. You would think that would be so much more positive and helpful but today it is making me feel totally inadequate. How do I compare myself to all those women out there in cyberspace?

I am not healthy enough

Some health and fitness bloggers post beautiful photos of their every meal and snack. I realise that my food choices are not good enough. I eat too much artificial sweetener, processed food, dairy, sugar, meat and diet products. I need clean up my diet so it is raw, organic, and vegan. I am very unhealthy.

I am not pretty enough

I don’t have shiny long hair, flawless skin, sparkling white teeth, perfectly manicured nails and designer workout clothes. I am obviously not making enough of an effort. I need to visit the hairdresser, beautician, dentist, manicurist and nearest boutique ASAP.

I am not popular enough

My blog doesn’t have thousands of subscribers, thousands of page views and hundreds of comments. My blog is tiny and insignificant, I may as well be talking to myself. I need to get my own domain name, web designer and graphic artist to give my blog an overhaul and then I need to guest post on those mega blogs to get some much needed traffic.

I am not fit enough

I’ve never participated in a marathon, triathlon, bikram yoga, power lifting meet, cross-fit or rock-climbing and I’ve never even placed in a single thing I have done. My leisurely walks, beginner level yoga and sporadic weight lifting is obviously not making me fit enough. I need to get a trainer, a competition goal and move way outside my comfort zone in order to be as fit as I should be.

I am not unique enough

I am not a yummy mummy, a health food blogger, a ‘health at any size’ activist, a life coach or hilariously funny. I am not even the poster girl for intuitive eating because I bigger now than when I started. I don’t stand out from the crowd. I need to re-create my persona so that my daily posts are so intriguing, humorous, controversial, informative and memorable that people are drawn to me like moths to a flame.

I am not changing the world enough

I don’t have a book deal, I’ve never volunteered for anything, I am not a respected expert in my field and I’m not inspiring millions of women to take action. I need to do more to make this world a better place.

I am not rich enough

No one gives me free samples to give away as competition prizes, no one pays for me to visit their manufacturing plan or speak at their conference. I have no sponsorship for my blog, for my supplements (if I even took any), or for my clothing. I don’t rake in thousands a day from advertising. My all time ‘passive’ blog generated income to date  is $33.40. I need to get more readers so I can attract sponsors and write a best-selling ebook that sells copy after copy until the end of my days.

I should probably just give up

On consideration of all the above data, I should give up, go eat some chocolate and go back to what I’m good at ~ dieting deprivation and obsessive exercise ~ oh crap, I just remembered that I wasn’t any good at that either.

“On consideration of all the above data, I should give up, go eat some chocolate and go back to what I’m good at ~ dieting deprivation and obsessive exercise ~ oh crap, I just remembered that I wasn’t any good at that either.”

I could say that I don’t care but that would be lying. I do feel inadequate today.

But guess what? I may not be healthy, pretty, popular, fit, unique, inspiring or rich compared to some, but even if I was ~ that is not who I am. I am more than those accomplishments, I am more than a feeling of being better or worse than someone else, I am who I am.

I am part of the divine wisdom of the Universe, I was created for the sole reason that no one else can do what I was put on this earth to do. Without me, this world would fall apart because I am an intrinsic part of this reality.

My husband loves me, my friends love me, people at work love me and my cat loves me. But best of all I love myself. I am perfect just the way I am, I don’t need to do anything and there is nothing I should become.

  • Does reading other people’s blogs inspire you or make you feel inadequate? Do you  judge yourself harshly when you see others who already have everything you dream of or does it motivate you to keep going?

→ photo : Elven*Nicky

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

22 thoughts on “The Insidiousness of Comparison

  1. ENOUGH of all of this! You don’t NEED any of this (results) to BE HAPPY. You are showing the way to others by BEING the way to a new and more wonderful life. You know this so put that chocolate away (lol – just kidding).

  2. Hey gorgeous

    Awesome post – you know it’s not only in blog land – it’s everywhere – we compare and judge ourselves to bloody everything – it’s STUPID….and what is most dangerous is that honesty is not always portrayed….

    BEING YOURSELF and LOVING YOURSELF is the way to be, it makes you genuine and unique xo

    1. Someone once said that we compare our insides to everyone else’s outsides. I guess we never know what other people really think and feel when all we see is what they choose to show to the world (real or virtual). ♥

  3. I wrote about this some time ago (can’t remember when). If you tell me you’re not beautiful and that your hair is not shiny, I’ll get on the next plane, set myself up in the White Sails Asylum and give you a good walloping.

    It seems to be a common theme amongst bloggers to publish themselves as the most fantastic being in the universe with no problems but personally I chose to read blogs by writers who are “real”

    1. I realise that we all censor ourselves to some extent when we put our most intimate experiences out into the world. It is part of our defence mechanism I guess. Please come and wallop me, I haven’t seen you in ages 🙂

  4. I agree the trap is set to lure you into feeling shite about yourself because every fucker else does it ALL so well.
    In reality though, you have to remian true to yourself and realise some of it has to be bullshit as no-one can be that perfect 100% of the time, maybe 95-98% but not 100%.

    SOOOOOO, in answer to your question – Does reading other people’s blogs inspire you or make you feel inadequate?

    I let the bits I want to inspire me inspire me and the bits I COULD let bring me down I don’t process anymore.

    18 years of feeling like i’m not worth it is Over (note the capital O!!) I am me, you are you , he is he, she is she and you know what good luck to all of us, its out own journey, no fucker elses.

    Great post Katie xxxxxx

  5. Personally, I read blogs for several reasons-One I do get motivated by seeing new (and old!) routines and food ideas. Two-some blogs are just very entertaining! Three-occasionally another blogger asks for advice or just wants to “cry on someone’s shoulder” so-if possible I try my best to help out!
    No need to compare! Many of us are just out there to share and help!

  6. I find inspiration in your blog-you touch on so many good points about “self love” and acceptance that I need to be reminded of. I ask myself how did my “outside” become more important than my “inside”…well I am trying to take care of all of me-it’s not easy to just let go and be in the moment all the time without judgement-I hope to get there. Thanks for your good work!

    1. You will get there Cathy, you have come so far. There is no judgment and no regret for how we’ve lived in the past ~ without that experience we wouldn’t have come to this new place of wonder.

  7. I have been a reader of both your blogs from the beginning and I applaud your journey. It gives me so much hope so please, please: keep doing what you are doing. I want to thank you, Katie, for being you!

    1. Hi Sara
      I love blogging and hearing such lovely comments as yours. It’s been a long and crazy ride so thank you for sticking with me ♥

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