In the interest of not announcing scale numbers the internet, people talk about wanting to be at their “happy” weight.
“I’m not at my happy weight” or “I’m 10 pounds over my happy weight” or another variation on the theme.
I disagree with the idea that a particular weight can make you “happy”. Do people really believe they’ll be happy once they see a lower number on the scale? That’s not how it works. If you are not happy now at the weight you are today, then you won’t be happy when you see a smaller number.
You might be pleased, proud or temporarily delighted that your white-knuckle self-discipline has delivered a result, but you won’t be guaranteed happiness.
Happiness isn’t something we seek, another possession to be added to our list of things we don’t have, or something outside of ourselves that we chase.
Happiness is following your joy. It’s a state of being not becoming.
And when we choose to live each day in joy we:
- have a compass to located ourselves in our life
- live an authentic life that embraces more of who we are
- navigate according to our values
- are in sync with our natural essence
- learn
- are empowered to follow our bliss
Does a number on a scale give you any of that? Do you have to wait until you’re the perfect size before you can be happy?
The only way for you to heal your relationship with food (which is the reason why your weight is above what you consider to be ideal) is to be happy right now.
Choose happiness. How happy did you decide to be today? How happy have you decided to be in your lifetime?
Instead of focusing on what you want to have (a lean, sexy body or something along those lines), ask yourself what you want to be, to give, and what lessons, gifts and experiences you want to receive.
Pursuing your “happy” weight will guarantee you never get there. Happiness is here and now because you are here.
How do you choose happiness? You make love more important than anything else. Happiness is an attribute of love and love is your true power.
Do you have a “happy” weight?
Does not being there make you unhappy?
Is it possible to be happy no matter what weight you are?
≡
Very true indeed.
“Is it possible to be happy no matter what weight you are?”
I wish I could say yes and mean it but my honest answer is that there is a point at which my happiness decreases as my weight exceeds that point. I dont feel good, I dont think I look good and my clothes dont fit. Oh and its NOT 5kgs above my comp weight (LOL), its actually 72kgs+. Been there and its not a place I want to live, irrespective of what else is going on in my life.
Great post and I agree that thinner does not equal happier if getting thinner is the product of strict dieting.
I’ve been chewing this over because part of me agrees that being ‘heavy’ doesn’t feel good and makes me unhappy … BUT
The extra weight is a symptom and not the cause. If I am carrying extra weight it is because something else is off in my life that is making me unhappy. Once I address the current issue that is causing unhealthy eating behaviour then the weight is no longer an issue.
It might just be semantics but I’m trying to say that having a extra fat on your body is just your body telling you that something is wrong. What is going on on the inside shows on the outside. Working on the cause (of overeating) brings happiness and eventual weight loss, not the other way around.
By the way … a BIG CONGRATULATIONS on finding peace with food during July and I’m cheering you on with the stopping when full challenge this month (it was hard for me to get that part too).
xxx
I completely agree.
In my Binge Eating research (trainee Psychologist) I was interested to find that a sensible weightloss regime (‘diet’) can decrease the stresses that cause bingeing. This is because one of the stresses that causes bingeing is feeling that you can’t control your weight. I’m still pondering over this one.
In my experience, dieting actually caused the bingeing. I didn’t have a problem until I started restricting calories and monitoring what I ate.
Perhaps you get to a point where you realise that dieting can’t control your weight without white knuckle determination which is too hard to sustain so the stress returns.
Thanks for the interesting perspective.
Yes, there is a wide field of study on the ‘diet first/binge first’ question (which came first?). The studies seem to agree that dieting decreases bingeing if it increases the individuals sense of self efficacy. BUT, if the effect of dieting is to decrease self efficacy (sense of control over ones life) then bingeing increases. I guess this is why some people respond to a structured eating plan and some people unravel when trying to stick to one. It’s a complex field, that’s for sure.
thank you katie!
Again what a great post. I am over what i used to feel was my happy weight by about…. 25kgs now, 6 months ago it was 15kgs. I have been thinking of that happy number for some time now. But in the mean time I have had some health problems that meant I couldn’t actively keep moving towards that happy weight. I was devasted. no one would ever like me again. But then I realised yes I am overweight, however I eat good, healthy food, but I know most people wouldn’t believe that as I am fat. Who cares? Not me anymore. I know what type of food I put into my body, I don’t need anyone elses approval. And this diet thing… sooo bad. I realised recently I have been on a diet for about 18 years, what’s that done for me??? Nothing. Recently I got on the scales and I had lost 2.5kgs – I actually had no idea how I did it. Then I realised I didn’t have a computer to track my food or exercise, I just walked when my back pain was ok, rested when it wasn’t, ate well, but more so I ate when I was hungry and didn’t when I was not. I do believe their was some red wine there at some stage. I wasn’t thinking about an ideal weight, I wasn’t actually thinking about a lot, except what was right for me at the time. Sorry, katie for the long comment, but this all just flowed following your post. xx E
Brilliant Erika — good news. I love it when women find there is another way other than dieting. 😀
Yeah, but I need to remember what I did!!! I think it’s about listening to your body, doing what you can and pushing your body just a bit, but the intuitive eating… I got that right, just didn’t know I did it!!! I just keep thinking Katie, I am 49 this year, how many years am I going to deny myself something? I could be dead next year. Not eating that that one particular icecream won’t matter then!!! 🙂
Oh. I freaking love this. I COMPLETELY agree.
My happy weight is NOW. I don’t even know what my weight is. (I suppose for me it’s more like “happy size”…)
But if you’re not happy with your body now, what makes you think changing the numbers will change your happiness?
Reminds me of “Wherever you go there you are” by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
“If you miss the here, you are likely also to miss the there.”
-Jon Kabat-Zinn
🙂
Hi Sui — I didn’t realise I hadn’t responded to your comment. Sorry.
I love your quotes — beautifully put — thank you.
I have SO MUCH to say on this topic that it is hard to know where to start!
Problem is I think the ‘universe’ is telling me to contain myself… Have lost my comments twice now. Or was it three? True to form I was being overly verbose and have just admonished myself…
When will I ever learn to make a draft in Word of any comments that I desire leave and then just copy and paste…
HopefullyI will have time to return at a later date.
I hope the problem’s not my end 🙁
Sometimes when I write a long comment I copy (control-c) it before I hit submit. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Katie problem is definitly not your end… operator error.. DUH!
Hadn’t even got to the stage of hitting submit. Accidently hit some key that sent my laptop off on a search..
Probably tired from sitting up too late working on being a ninja … got a little carried away with one of my comments last night..
Ha ha — LOVE operator error!
I adore your comments love ninja — enjoy the safe space to say whatever you feel my dearest x
Food and diet are not the only reasons women are overweight. Someone with a “good” relationship with food could still have sleep, stress, or hormonal issues driving weight gain.
I’ve been on the heavier side my whole life and it bothered me a lot when I was younger and now I see those pictures and think how in the world did I ever see myself as fat. We have to learn to stop hearing others voices in our head about what we should look like and just be happy with ourselves.
I definitely have a “happier weight” when I feel the best and my clothes fit the best. I’m small to start with so it’s a fairly narrow range but harder to control now that I’m past 60. I think extra weight, aside from just being unhealthy, can add to unhappiness more than being the desired weight delivers happiness.
I don’t have a “happy weight.” I never even had a scale until recently. But I do FEEL better leaner. More agile. More energy. That’s the only thing I go by. I’ve gained a bit (a lot) in the last year, but on the flip side I FEEL sexier at this current weight. Bigger boobs.
Ugh, why do we do this to ourselves? “I’ll be happy when,” this or that… No real happy weight here, but I do also have a happier weight. We women, we’re perfectionists, always trying to make things better in all kinds of ways. But that’s not all bad, we do make the world better in all sorts of ways. That’s happy.
… well I definitely have an unhappy weight…
and it’s not happiness I need to choose, but change…