Today I skipped off work to go to orientation at my new University. I wonder if I should call it something other than its real name in case those search bots feed my blog into the inbox of my lecturers …
Let’s see — maybe the University of Terrific Sexiness, or the University of Terrible Study, or the University of Trembling Sensations, or the Universal Tribe of Students … ??
Anyway I went there for a couple of introductory lectures and a tour. I got my Student ID card and checked my enrolment.
I was desperate to find someone in my faculty over the age of thirty that I could connect with. There were three female candidates.
The first was extremely overweight with long greasy blonde hair tied back in a pony tail. She wore a tie dyed layered skirt, a peasant blouse and sensible sandals.
The second wore a beautiful black hat with a rose. In order to combat the hot summer heat she had a water bottle conveniently housed in some kind of holster slung over her shoulder. A frilly white umbrella, in case of an expected turn in the weather, completed the ensemble.
The third had spiky blonde hair kept off her face by one of those visors without a head section. Her outfit was black skinny jeans, a singlet and industrial strength black boots.
Due to my superficial tendency to judge people by their looks, it will come as no shock to you that I didn’t manage to strike up a conversation with any of the aforementioned older ladies. The only conversations I had were with nice young men exuberant with dreams of long successful careers as video game directors.
The closest I came to connection was eye contact and a smile with the Dean of everything as he walked past me during the staff procession, banter with the lovely Indian lady who processed my ID and checked my enrolment and general chit-chat with the flirty Greek guy who served me lunch. Looks like I’m going to be hanging out with the staff …
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