Bored

I’m bored with fucking waiting for the University to offer me a place. I mean, it’s been 17 days of clicking on the bloody website 25 times a day. I even have it on my Blackberry so I can check when I’m in between computers.

I’m bored with my job. I no longer make great big important decisions, but instead do mundane tasks that anyone could do. I have a self-diagnosed really bad attitude and I’m grumpy, listless and resent the hours I waste just showing up everyday.

I’m bored with the scales. They go up, down and then get stuck. I’m bored with the number starting with a 7 because I honestly didn’t think I’d see it again. I’m bored that losing weight takes time, and we all know patience isn’t my strong suit.

I’m bored with Duckfish being in Melbourne. I used to love being alone when I lived with a man who drained the very life out of me. When he was around, aloneness was a welcome break. Now that I have a sexy, funny, interesting man in my life, a great big hole opens up when he’s not here. I’m bored with being alone and waiting for him to get back.

I’m bored with boring bloggers telling me either how amazingly stupendous their life is, or how abjectly miserable they are. I alternate between feeling inadequate in comparison or guilty for feeling shitty when I’ve nothing to complain about. I want someone to say what they really think and start some kind of revolution. Maybe I could do that, but I can’t be arsed.

I’m even bored with my own blog. I don’t get nearly as many hits as I did when I was chronicling the boring details of how many calories I ate and what I did in the gym. I hardly get any comments and it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. I know it’s just “meant to be for me” blah blah blah but I’m not one of the cool chicks any more. The healthy bloggers hate me because I’m not skinny enough, the IE crowd hate me because I’m on a diet, the suicide survivors hate me because I’m far too flippant, the recently divorced ladies hate me because I got lucky again far too quickly, and the NLP/hypnosis gang hate me because I obviously need more therapy before I can help anyone else.

I’m so bored I’m losing the will to live (I know — an inappropriate suicide joke *sigh*). I’m bored with this holding pattern. I want to get my new life started. I’m “instant” Katie and everything is taking far too fucking long. I’d sit here and whinge to Duckfish about how bored I am and spare you, but unfortunately HE’S NOT FUCKING HERE. (sorry for shouting)

I think I’ve just figured out the solution — I need a good shag. Oh hang on … I have to wait for that until tomorrow. How boring!

PS: See University assessors — I can so do good writing and stuff.