I haven’t seen my colleague KatieJ since I left work for my holidays on 17 December. She has been busy working on a circus (literally). Today she came in for a meeting and the first words she said were ~
“Wow, you’ve lost weight”.
It took me by surprise. The last time anyone said that to me was probably in 2009 when I was dieting down for a comp. And even then it was rare to get a comment because I suspect I looked scary rather than healthy.
The comment gave me a rush of pleasure, quickly followed by confusion. Am I still doing this to look better? Do I want other people to notice my achievement? Does my weight inform my self-esteem?
It is confusing to understand why, if I feel beautiful and sexy just the way I am, that I am pleased that I look thinner. Why do I even want to be thinner? Health smealth … please … even I am not going to pretend that it’s just to be healthy. Have I fallen prey to the lies of society that tell me I’m more attractive if I’m smaller?
Maybe. Maybe not.
I want to release some fat because it feels like my body wants to be thinner. Duckfish calls it your racing weight. That sweet spot when you feel alive and energised. The free zone.
Whatever else, it is nice to know that whatever I’m doing (which is SO minimal) is working.
“Thank you for the compliment KatieJ. Now let’s talk about operational planning for 2011 events which is far more important.”