Surprising Facts About Sexless Relationships, written by Scarlett Laine, originally appeared on Great Sex Inc.
A good sex life it is one of the best ways to keep a relationship healthy. Sex in a committed relationship is about way more than getting off, it is the framework of your connection to your partner.
So what if making love were to stop?
Maybe you’re saying to yourself, no way. Well, the scary fact is, sexless marriage and sexless relationships are more common than you think. Approximate twenty percent of marriages are sexless — meaning, if you and your partner are having sex ten times a year or less, you are in a sexless marriage.
Although I’m not in a sexless relationship myself, I do have a close friend who has gone years without sex. For my friend, it stemmed from betrayal and lack of communication, but here are some common reasons it happens.
Reasons for a Sexless Relationship
- Poor communication
- Low sex drive
- Lack of trust
- Poor body image
- Lack of time
These are but a few and there are whole communities online dedicated to giving people a venue to discuss their feelings. My friend said they had actually discussed it a lot and just nothing ever happened until one day they are barely more than roommates.
You may ask yourself why someone would live like that and the most common answer is love. When you are in a committed relationship, you have built a life, you are invested in that person.
Ways To Fix Sexless Relationships
What I see as the problem is we don’t talk to each other about our wants and needs so having different sexual needs can make or break a couple. Not everyone is the same sexually and too often in relationships we settle because we want to make the other person happy. I have done this myself.
Denying exactly who you are sexually can lead to disaster. I am a sexual submissive so while I can be assertive in the bedroom at the core I have to be with a lover who is dominant. Be sure to know yourself sexually and be open. Needs can often change and you need to change with them.
Check Your Health
There are many underlying issues that can affect your sex drive. Menopausal women often see a reduction in sex drive. Men start losing testosterone after 40. See your doctor before you do anything else. There may be a physical reason which can be treated with medication. Finding out the cause of sexless relationships can be as simple as a trip to the doctor.
Reignite the Passion
Remember what made you want to have sex with your partner. Keeping it spicy gets challenging the longer you are with someone because we stop doing the extras like flirting and casual touching. What happens is one or both of you can start to feel unwanted and you will ultimately lose interest.
Feeling wanted is the cornerstone of sexual tension and lack of sexual tension often leads to sexless relationships. We are not robots. Even I subscribe to this thinking — while the act of sex is great I can’t just saddle any horse, I have to feel wanted and so do most people, it is what creates passion.
Be Open to Trying New Things
Sex definitely is not an “if it ain’t broke” situation, especially as we get older. There are so many experiences and new things to try with your partner there should never be an issue of boredom and think about it, wouldn’t you rather explore with someone you know and feel comfortable with?
Life is hectic, I know you feel me on this, we have so much going on between work, kids etc it can be easy to leave our sexy at the door and before you know it perhaps you are barely thinking about it anymore. This will kill your sex life.
Masturbating keeps those juices flowing so you are constantly in touch with the sexual being you were meant to be. I do this whether I have a partner or not. It is good mentally and physically. With so many toys and aids out there to help you, there’s no reason being sexy isn’t a priority in your life.
If you are in a sexless marriage or relationship, you can get the help you need and you should absolutely try everything before giving up or living without sex. Tell me what you think.
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