Surprising Facts About Sexless Relationships

Surprising Facts About Sexless Relationships, written by Scarlett Laine, originally appeared on Great Sex Inc.

Surprising Facts About Sexless Relationships

A good sex life it is one of the best ways to keep a relationship healthy. Sex in a committed relationship is about way more than getting off, it is the framework of your connection to your partner.

So what if making love were to stop?

Maybe you’re saying to yourself, no way. Well, the scary fact is, sexless marriage and sexless relationships are more common than you think. Approximate twenty percent of marriages are sexless — meaning, if you and your partner are having sex ten times a year or less, you are in a sexless marriage.

Although I’m not in a sexless relationship myself, I do have a close friend who has gone years without sex.  For my friend, it stemmed from betrayal and lack of communication, but here are some common reasons it happens.

Reasons for a Sexless Relationship

  • Poor communication
  • Low sex drive
  • Stress
  • Lack of trust
  • Infidelity
  • Childbirth
  • Menopause
  • Poor body image
  • Lack of time

These are but a few and there are whole communities online dedicated to giving people a venue to discuss their feelings. My friend said they had actually discussed it a lot and just nothing ever happened until one day they are barely more than roommates.

You may ask yourself why someone would live like that and the most common answer is love. When you are in a committed relationship, you have built a life, you are invested in that person.

Ways To Fix Sexless Relationships

Be Honest

What I see as the problem is we don’t talk to each other about our wants and needs so having different sexual needs can make or break a couple. Not everyone is the same sexually and too often in relationships we settle because we want to make the other person happy. I have done this myself.

Denying exactly who you are sexually can lead to disaster. I am a sexual submissive so while I can be assertive in the bedroom at the core I have to be with a lover who is dominant. Be sure to know yourself sexually and be open. Needs can often change and you need to change with them.

Check Your Health

There are many underlying issues that can affect your sex drive. Menopausal women often see a reduction in sex drive. Men start losing testosterone after 40. See your doctor before you do anything else. There may be a physical reason which can be treated with medication. Finding out the cause of sexless relationships can be as simple as a trip to the doctor.

Reignite the Passion

Remember what made you want to have sex with your partner. Keeping it spicy gets challenging the longer you are with someone because we stop doing the extras like flirting and casual touching. What happens is one or both of you can start to feel unwanted and you will ultimately lose interest.

Feeling wanted is the cornerstone of sexual tension and lack of sexual tension often leads to sexless relationships. We are not robots. Even I subscribe to this thinking — while the act of sex is great I can’t just saddle any horse, I have to feel wanted and so do most people, it is what creates passion.

Be Open to Trying New Things

Sex definitely is not an “if it ain’t broke” situation, especially as we get older. There are so many experiences and new things to try with your partner there should never be an issue of boredom and think about it, wouldn’t you rather explore with someone you know and feel comfortable with?


Life is hectic, I know you feel me on this, we have so much going on between work, kids etc it can be easy to leave our sexy at the door and before you know it perhaps you are barely thinking about it anymore. This will kill your sex life.

Masturbating keeps those juices flowing so you are constantly in touch with the sexual being you were meant to be. I do this whether I have a partner or not. It is good mentally and physically. With so many toys and aids out there to help you, there’s no reason being sexy isn’t a priority in your life.

If you are in a sexless marriage or relationship, you can get the help you need and you should absolutely try everything before giving up or living without sex. Tell me what you think.

Edgy, raw, divine, rich and sexy – if you can write like this, I’d love to have your story on my blog ~ check out the guidelines here.

About Scarlett Laine

Scarlett Laine is a sex and relationship writer at Great Sex Inc. You can get to know more about her on Facebook.

16 thoughts on “Surprising Facts About Sexless Relationships

  1. Very interesting post. It can be challenging to balance two different people’s preferences or sex drives. Just left a link in a dating FB group thread just now.

    1. Your welcome Laura. I am so glad to hear that you write about such an important topic, not enough of us write about Sexual Health which is sad given it is such an important part of our overall well-being.

  2. What if I want sex with my partner but he doesn’t want it that often with me because he likes the idea of an open marriage and I feel like I can’t prohibit that to him but then I feel bad that he goes out and I don’t so I do it only to feel we’re even? He says I shouldn’t do it if I’m not into that but I feel terrible when I stay home on a Friday or Saturday night and swinging is not an option for him…

    1. An open marriage is a lie. Deep down you don’t want an open marriage. You got married to have a partner, a teammate. You sitting at home alone on Friday night, while he is with another woman is not teamwork. If he was work a job that’s teamwork. It’s like all things, your job, you just can’t work for UPS and spend half your time working for FedEx. You clean the house, he makes a mess and never cleans. You need him and you working on the same team. You know that the open marriage thing is not working.

  3. I recently started to address this by taking an intro Tantra program and introducing my spouse to learned concepts. I have a highly varied sexual blueprint and am working on ways I can get that fed. Looking forward to more sex labs!

  4. Great article, trying to get my wife to read it but, nope..My wife has very low sex drive. No interest really at all. 10 times a year maybe. And it’s pulling teeth to get thoughs. Plus no more oral from her.. She get horny when drinking. She has had intramesiousus and a cyst on her ovry.
    When ever I bring up me being sexually frustrated, it’s always
    MY issue. It’s not our issue. “Sex is not that important”she says. 15 years together. I don’t know what I can do. Reading all the info and articles i can find.

    1. If you can get her to try Tune in horny goat weed with maca. Its on Amazon. 4.6 star rating. It might help her desire. About 25% of women lose desire as they age. Best wishes, this is a huge problem.

  5. I have felt very alone discussing this topic. Even with this article and most of the comments it’s made to seem that not having sex is bad. My husband and I have never been that into sex. It’s fun yea… but for us it’s not that interesting. There has to be others that feel this way? We are a very passionate couple who loves each other deeply. Thirty years together three children and we still find each other very attractive and interesting. Sex…meh.

  6. Husband only wants sex when I put on a garter and hose. I get very frustrated because he just only wants me when I dress that way. Sometimes you just want to have spontaneous sex. The last time we had sex was 12/31/17. I dont feel desired at all, and this is becoming a problem, I have spoken to him numerous times about this and he refuses to go to the dr to get his testosterone checked. There is no intimacy I feel we are just roommates.

Comments are closed.