No, You Don’t Have to Give Blow Jobs

No, you don't have to give blow jobs

Women are presented with a lot of contradictory messages, one of these is the idea of the blow job as a non-negotiable of heterosexual sex. While women are told to be empowered and to be confident in expressing our sexual needs to our partners, we are also told to get on our knees and open our mouths. There are too many movies and television shows where a woman refusing to give blow jobs is used as evidence she is an inconsiderate lover, or that the fictional relationship is falling apart.

We are told to own our sexuality, but if we cannot come out and say ‘I do not enjoy giving blow jobs,’ then are we really empowered? Or are actually using the façade of female empowerment to perform for the male gaze?

If a woman enjoys giving blow jobs, then she should give them. But what about those who feel queasy at the thought of oral sex (both giving and receiving)? What about those with a weak jaw or powerful gag reflex? Are we okay with upholding the implicit message that women who cannot, or will not, perform fellatio are somehow failing at female-hood?

If you don’t enjoy giving blow jobs, you do not have to do it. Sex should look different for different people. Just because many couples enjoy incorporating oral sex into their bedroom routine, doesn’t mean every couple has to do the same.

For those who do enjoy giving blow jobs, it is fine to talk about this, but try not to brag about it, especially if another woman has just told you she does not find them enjoyable. If you jump in and say, “Oh! I love giving blow jobs! I ask my man if I can give him blow jobs!” it seems like you are trying to compete. That’s not right, and it certainly is not empowering.

Sex can be hot in many different ways. Maybe instead of blow jobs, you have anal sex, or you use some fun toys, or you say every filthy thing your man has ever wanted to hear. Plenty of women are fine saying no to things like anal sex, choking, bondage, threesomes, etc. There is no reason fellatio cannot be placed on the same list, the list of things men ask their partners to do. They ask knowing they might not get what they want. Blow jobs should be the same.

Some women love them. Some women are disgusted by them. If you fall into the latter category, you do you! If a man really cares about you, he will accept your answer. Ask him what other sexual fantasies he has and engage in one you do find appealing.

A sexual relationship should be satisfying to both partners. Your needs are important and valuable. Remember your desires are just as important as his. No, you do not have to give blow jobs. You do not have to do anything you do not enjoy.

Your sex life is yours to create.

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing • Join the hottest group on FB → Sassy Ageless Women

One thought on “No, You Don’t Have to Give Blow Jobs

  1. Thank you for publishing this! I’ve read some malicious comments online, a lot were even from women, about those who do not like giving BJ’s. “Well if you don’t do it then guys will find themselves a better woman who will.” It’s disgusting. A person should never have to do or feel obligated to do anything sexually that they aren’t very comfortable with. It’s so refreshing to see a post like this.

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