I spent a long time thinking relationships should be the variety my parents have — a polite, comfortable, solid, long-term, come hell or high water kind of love.
When I got married I thought I was signing up for one of those kinds of relationships. We were friends, we lived in the same house, we didn’t really fight (until the end) and there was a comfortable familiarity knowing we would stay together till death us do part.
But something was wrong. There was an emptiness that couldn’t be filled by travelling the world, succeeding at work, sculpting my body into a size eight or being able to buy whatever I wanted. I never felt as though I belonged, I never connected with another human being.
Now I seek love.
I seek the man who will:
— love me when I am irrational, emotional and chaotic
— hold me when I cry, when I laugh, and when I am angry
— delight in my flesh, my brain, and my ambition
— take what I have to give with amazement that I would give it to him
— kiss me without needing anything more and as the prelude to more
— know my body’s response to touch better than I know myself
— breathe me
— hold my vulnerability in his hands and allow nothing to wound it
— tell me I am beautiful, amazing, inspiring, funny and smart
— be kind even when I’m not and strong even when I’m not
— live in the moment never taking for granted that we’ll be together tomorrow
— meet me with his heart, his body and his mind
— make love with me, fuck me, play with me, snuggle with me, sleep with me
— let me go and make me stay
— stand in the midst of a hurricane and let it pass right through him
And I thank the Universe I have found him.
Don’t settle for comfortable.
Don’t ignore the emptiness.
31 thoughts on “Don’t Settle for Comfortable • Seek Love”
A lovely message, Katie. Congrats on finding the ‘one’! It makes everything else right.
Thank you Lisa. I hope you have a wonderful 2016 x
Beautiful, and YAY YOU for finding someone so good.
I think I probably need to keep looking until I figure out how to BE all those wonderful things for someone else (who wants them) 🙂
Just be *you* Lizzi. That’s more than wonderful ♥
You’re very kind…I’m a mixture though. I will never profess to being anything but. 🙂 I do appreciate the vote of confidence though 😀
Thank you Karen x
Thanks for the reminder, Katie! You are absolutely spot on and ai am going to make this my New Year’s resolution. Happy New Year! Thanks for all of the inspiration in 2015!
Thank you Charmaine. You must be one of the longest readers of my blog. I appreciate it so much x
Having an intimate and supportive connection makes all the difference. After many years together, I still anticipate the end of the day when I can share my experiences, observations, etc., with a someone who is watching out for me. I know that my husband will offer advice and counsel when needed, listen intently to the longest story, be unfailingly kind to those around us. (And he will drag me to the gym when I am most likely to make an excuse.) Comfort may be the outgrowth of an enduring marriage but that does not exclude excitement and passion.
Thank you for adding to the conversation and for sharing your experience, Corrine.
After the death of my first husband, I was determined to find the kind of man that could love me in the way that I needed to be loved, and who could accept the kind of love I had to give. It sounds selfish when I write it down, but I am a great believer in that our split aparts are out there. I am very lucky in that I have found mine. Very lucky.
Doesn’t sound selfish to me at all. I love to hear about heart connections after heartbreak and loss.
I think your husband is lucky to have you too x
Beautiful words so true. Lucky me too.. found him..
Thank you. Lucky him, lucky you ♥
and remember, it’s better to end up alone, then settle for less.
Good point, thank you.
I always find these sort of list amusing. You want someone to live up unreal expectations even though you admit above you won’t live up to those same expectations.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Bob.
These are the type of women I actively avoid, high maintenance with expectations well above the norm.
If any man were to do the list above for a prolonged period it would drive him clinically insane.
If both genders came up with the same sort of list we would all be alone because its selfish, as with any relationship its about compromises.
I understand that with any new love we think there the best thing to happen to us especially when a high commitment is reached without any words being said but I would have thought it wouldn’t blinker us enough to recognise that this is in fact called “the puppy dog period”
Wait till he urinates on the toilet seat and you sit in it.
My so-called “puppy dog period” as you call it, has endured for almost six years, and my boyfriend is not noticeably insane.
Of course, we’re all different.
Thanks for the comment, Mr Bug.
I have been with my husband for 14 years and he does all these things, and it is reciprocal. Sorry Mr. Bug, but it seems the bar has been raised since you last looked.
Thank you for actively avoiding us you are leaving the way clear for all those guys who understand women a real humans too!
Mr Big, I have been lucky enough to meet the man who sounds exactly the same as the one above and I can honestly say that I treat him the same, I and a lot of other women would never expect to get all that and not give back, but if you don’t give you don’t get ,if you treat someone like shit expect that back as well, I am actually going through the horrible menopause and I hate that I actually hate so much at the moment but he understands that ad we have had 16 years of the good and he is willing to take the bad.. the same as when he had a mini Stroke and went through bad times I was there for him, that’s what love is, that’s not “high maintenance” !! I hope you are lucky enough to meet someone who expects a lot from you because you will surely get it back in bundles… have a good day ????
Don’t worry Sally, that guy above is not a man who wants to meet another person in a real relationship of equals. All women (and men) should run in the opposite direction when meeting someone like this unless they want to have their needs placed second or third on his list of importance.
I think Mr. Bob and Mr. Big are missing the point. This list is only unrealistic to someone who has not done these things. For those of us who have loved and lost, who fought the ultimate battle for our marriage/relationship and lost, this list is what we learned from it. No more partners who abuse us, neglect us, cheat on us, all while we are reaching to our own depths to give him everything he needs. Our new partner is expected to give as good as he gets; he can expect to have this same list of expectations for us, and be confident that it will be fulfilled.
But that takes a lot of soul-searching, and learning of the lessons that Life throws our way. Those gents have obviously not done the work. Yet.
Brilliant comment, Laura. Thank you ♥
Love all of this. You know…with a few tweaks this would make for a pretty amazing set of wedding vows.
Thank you, Elle.
Yes, absolutely. It makes all the difference.
That’s great! I could have written it….except for the part about finding someone…just not easy at this age or where I live. But, I won’t give up hope. 🙂
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