(1) Thou shalt take care of thy personal hygiene.
This is includes but is not limited to trimming (or removing) one’s bush, shaving one’s beard or legs, wearing deodorant and having fresh breath.
(2) Thou shalt discuss contraception.
This conversation should be had before entering the bedroom. A modern lady or gentlemen will always have a supply of condoms on hand.
(3) Thou shalt disclose sexual diseases.
Bearing the scars of an interesting sexual history is nothing to be ashamed of and most situations can be solved creatively. Most modern ladies and gentlemen will be willing to figure out how to stay healthy and still have fun.
(4) Thou shalt give directions and make noise.
A new partner has no idea of your sexual preferences. Gentle guidance and moans of appreciation are necessary to avoid disappointment.
(6) Thou shalt indulge in post-coital affection.
Rolling over and going to sleep is the sign of a lazy lover. Spend time kissing, cuddling, and appreciating the afterglow.
(5) Thou shalt stay the night.
Unless negotiated prior to sex, one should always stay the night. Leaving immediately after sex, or slipping away in the middle of the night is rude and unforgivable.
(6) Thou shalt refrain from snoring, farting, and other offensive bodily functions.
One should be a pleasant night-time companion, not a disgusting one.
(7) Thou shalt not expect morning sex.
Some ladies aren’t their best in the morning and don’t want to be prodded by a gentleman’s morning hard-on. This is not always the case, but a gentleman should demonstrate a degree of sensitivity the next morning.
(8) Thou shalt accept the offer of a morning beverage.
Your new companion may not have your preferred brand of herbal tea or even any milk in the fridge. This is not the time to be fussy. Drink your damn coffee and shut up.
(9) Thou shalt offer to help make the bed.
Although this offer will probably be turned down, a true lady or gentleman will want to help tidy up the mess they have made. Offering to help make the bed shows a mature sense of responsibility.
(10) Thou shalt not lie about the future.
If it’s just a one night stand, then please say so as graciously as you can. If you wouldn’t mind another casual assignation, then please express this desire clearly. If you want to go on a second date, arrange it before you leave. Even if you never want to see this person again, a text on the way home to say ‘thank you’ is a pleasant way to end your encounter.
Do you agree, or is there a sexual etiquette commandment I’ve missed?
47 thoughts on “Modern Sexual Etiquette • The Ten Commandments”
I love this!!
Glad to hear it, Caroline x
you shouldn’t be insulting THE TEN COMMANDMENTS written by GOD ALMIGHTY by using them like this…wat r u Satanic??
Thank you for your insightful comment @Bennet.
This is so great. Well thought out and practical too xx
Thanks Sarah sweetheart ♥
I wanna know how you can prevent farting or other accidental bodily rudeness in your sleep?!
*SNORKS* I can imagine the conversation now…”but darling, doesn’t *everyone* wear a butt-plug to bed these days?!?!?”
I agree on all those points! ???????? Well, I’d probably forgive the farting if the other points are adhered to … and bonus points for making that early morning cuppa!
An early morning cuppa washes away all transgressions.
Were I still single, I’d probably post these over my bed.
Ha ha – I’d like to see that!
Oh yes! Every one of them makes sense. Perhaps, you’ve inspired Lizzie to create and market something new. 😉
I’d probably buy one 🙂
I would blow up in my sleep. My husband says I fart constantly in my sleep. I loved the post and am sending it to him.
He must be an angel 😉
I’m with you except the snoring. I can’t help that!
I’ve heard that I snore too, but I try not to do it around relative strangers.
I have found precious few men who follow #10, but I certainly wish they would. I’m a grown up and love casual sex and am perfectly fine with a wide variety of arrangements… but men (and perhaps women, but I don’t date them) rarely seem to be open to saying what they really want.
I’ve learned to “downgrade” someones preferences on a dating site. If it says “relationship”, they probably mean dating. If they say dating, they probably mean casual sex, and if they say “no commitment”, then it’s pretty much guaranteed they only want sexting or one-night stands.
Gosh, I sound like such a cynic, but I have a statistically significant sample size 🙂
Sadly, yes, some men aren’t good at telling the truth. But there are good ones out there … somewhere.
I expect morning sex. HUGE bonus in my book.
Good for you Miss Mouse x
This is awesome. And Id like to think this is how we have gotten this far and still cant keep our hands to ourselves;-)
Oooh, lucky you (and him) ♥
I would add…
Talk about sex before you ever hit the bedroom! Not only does it make for excellent verbal foreplay, but you get a very good idea what the other person likes ;). We also talked about past sex partners and if either of us participated in risky behaviors.
Good addition – thanks Carla.
Speak – don’t expect. I’ve had lovers who were refreshed by my openness – but if you don’t speak up and say “do it this way” – how else will they know??
Great comment — thanks Liv.
I think you forgot the most important one, “Thou shalt not have sexual relations with anyone until you are married.”
I wonder who made up the “no sex before marriage” rule? Why do you think it’s a good rule to follow? And what does it mean if I don’t?
I’m curious to know…
That’s exactly what I was thinking! ????
I love your comment best Jar…. 🙂 Thank You
I believe you missed the important one of having a nice soft hand towel handy as to not stain the linens, perhaps?
haha I love it.
Keep that towel handy.
Thanks for the advice, am back into the dating game after long relationship, and wanting sex very much!!! WTF?? Where did that come from?? Thought libido was dead until left my Ex, lol. It is fun exploring again.
Same here, EvilMissK!!!! Good Luck to you :o)
sooo, I have never trimmed “the bush” and I really, really don’t want to. Is this something I need to discuss with the other before the act?
Maria, it’s your bush – your choice! I’d say on a one night stand, probably not (discuss)…. but you may talk to your lover prior to ‘the act’. If it is a preference they’ll probably mention it – some like it/some don’t care. My current lover made it clear that he liked a shaved/waxed bush…..but I quite like it too so am happy to do so 😉
I agree that your bush belongs to you and it’s entirely your choice.
I would never expect a one night stand to stay the night. Once you both get what is wanted it’s time to get dressed and go.
Unless given explicit permission, stay away from the anus
Mobile phones are only allowed when it’s on silence, that’s if you into “casual sex”.
This is my rule but I also use that rule when friends come and visit,
This gave me a good laugh, I’m married 17 years and still expect all of these things. Being polite/kind never goes out of style.
Well I snore so I guess I will never, ever spend the night with someone again. 🙁 Unless there’s a way to refrain from snoring that I haven’t yet heard of?
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