10 Reasons Why You Should Have Sex on the First Date

There is an article doing the rounds that urges people (the author is surprisingly a man) to wait before they have sex with someone new. Everyone is entitled to their preferences but I’m not known for my patience.

I met my boyfriend on a late summer’s night five years ago. Before that night, we had emailed, chatted on the phone and had a lengthy video ‘date’. I was very attracted to him.

We were meant to go out for a drink that night, but I ended up inviting him into my flat instead. We drank red wine, watched the boats on the harbour and kissed. He was (and is) the best kisser I have ever met. After suffering an excruciating ache in my knickers for hours, I ended up dragging him off to bed.

I don’t regret it for a second. First date sex is hot. 

Here are 10 reasons why you should have sex on your first date.

1. You can gauge your partner’s level of libido

When I met my ex-husband, we slept in the same bed for a week before we had sex. His excuse was he was too tired, or he didn’t feel comfortable rushing things. I should have seen the red flag way back then. My ex-husband had a low libido which eventually led to a sexless marriage. If your partner isn’t keen on sex at the beginning, he probably won’t ever be chasing you around the bedroom.

2. You can check out your physical fit

Some like ’em big, some like ’em small, and some like ’em just right. If your partner has a part of his anatomy which is vastly different to yours, you might not fit together physically. This isn’t just about the size of his package, you could get squashed under the weight of his body, or stabbed to death by his protruding rib cage.

3. You can check out their technique

Too quick, too slow, too ticklish, too rough — the variations matter. How long is foreplay? What happens afterwards? Who’s on top? Lights on or off? All important information you should know.

4. You get to talk about it

Having sex on the first date means you have the opportunity to talk about sex in an open and honest way. You probably should discuss STIs, contraception and general expectations. If your partner won’t engage in the conversation or looks shocked, then you might have a problem on your hands.

5. You have an orgasm or two…

Sex is a wonderful, relaxing, pleasurable experience. Why wouldn’t you want orgasms as often as possible?

6. You can weed out the dirtbags

A small minority of men will fuck and flee, and nothing you do or say will stop it happening. It is better to find out early, than to invest lots of time and risk falling in love only to have him piss off later on. Better to know now than when it’s too late.

7. You demonstrate your attitude to sex

Initiating sex shows your partner you’re a sexual being and comfortable asking for what you want, and that you’re not interested in following some ancient, old-fashioned rules. When it comes to intimacy, you’re not going to play games.

8. You show courage

Sleeping with someone opens up your heart and leaves you vulnerable to being hurt. When you have sex without knowing what the outcome will be, without establishing if that person will reciprocate your feelings, you take a huge risk. Only the courageous are willing to take a chance on love.

9. You can make future decisions with a clear head

Prolonging the moment you consummate a relationship means all your choices are clouded by lust. Once you’re sexually satisfied, you can consider the future relationship potential of your partner without being swayed by your physical urges.

10. The look on his face

The best part about sex on the first date for a heterosexual woman is seeing the look of surprise and delight on your man’s face when you drag him into the bedroom. I believe the majority of men don’t expect to anything to happen, so when it does, they are mildly shocked but extremely pleased.

Life is too short to wait

You never know what tomorrow will bring, or how long you have left on this planet. If this person is your one true love, you don’t want to waste another minute of your life without him/her. What is there to wait for?

10 reasons sex on the first date T

What have I forgotten? What other reasons are there to have sex on the first date?

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

61 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why You Should Have Sex on the First Date

  1. I loved the honesty of this piece, Katie! It clearly came from a place of marurity, no more b.s., no hypocrisy. I can appreciate your points esp. since you qualified that you had already been ‘intimate’ (talking a lot) prior to the physical intimacy. I still believe that’s important. I still can’t imagine sleeping with someone whose mind I don’t know enough. Thanks for this refreshingly honest post!

  2. I loved being single and when I was young first date sex was the rule. Back in the day. When I was an over 50 single, I wasn’t so interested in it. I really do want to know someone more. Like by the third or fourth date, if we were going to be a ‘thing’. Maybe part of it is that I spent so many years running a group for women who had HIV. Or just that my values were different by 50.

  3. I tend to agree with you. I do need to talk to some first, somewhat, because I need someone who can have a conversation because intelligence is important. Being unable to see someone I look for other cues which tell me to go forward or not.

  4. Yes, the perfect kiss can cause a deep ache in the knickers that needs to be satisfied. And a horrible kiss can cause a deep ache in the feet…to run and get the hell away!

  5. Very funny and not what we’re told most of the time. Personally I would probably wait, but I think you laid (no pun intended) some pretty great reasons for jumping in the sack right away. Interesting food for thought…

  6. My husband made me wait to our second date before we had sex, we’ve been together over thirty years now. I’ve always felt, it you & he were okay with it, then why the heck not, life is too short.

  7. My husband and I had sex on the first date it was amazing. As a joke we still tell people that we probably wouldn’t be together if the sex wasn’t so great in the beginning due to the fact that we are complete opposites. We have been married for almost 8 years and it’s still just as fun and exciting! Hey it worked/works for us!

      1. I agree with Crystal.. We got to know each other very well & from the moment we met, I felt those butterflies & other wonderful unexpected urges. BUT he was a patient where I worked so we waited until his p.t. was finished and he asked me to lunch at his place. One kiss and I was dragging him down the hall looking for the bedroom! Kind of shocked myself because I had been married twice before & only been with those 2 men. And it was incredible, still is. His face was priceless. And it is one of the biggest reasons we are still happily married. We are total opposites too, with a ten year age difference. But we’d both been thru hell in life & love & related on so many levels. I knew his heart & head when I took his hand. I never have regretted it. That was 10 years ago! Anxious for him to get home now❣

  8. I love this article! I am a very high libido’d post menopausal 51 year old woman. This is exactly what I do. I have finally met my sensual/intimate match after many very steamy first dates. I will never waste another date (or minute) on a lousy lover! I’m enjoying the best srx of my life!

  9. I know I’m a bit late to this post party but I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve argued the same thing in my blog; I want to know if I’m sexually compatible with someone and have found, like you, some guys just want the sex and then they disappear.

    I did think for a while maybe I should wait, and I did, and discovered some men can wait me out and then disappear after the third or fourth date.

    So not to say I have sex on the first date all the time, but I’m definitely a proponent of knowing whether that compatibility exists.

  10. I read this a million years ago and had an opinion on it. But life is unexpected and things change. I think people need to do what works for them and what they’re comfortable with.

  11. You know what pisses me off? The judgement and assumptions people make about (mostly) women who have sex on the first date. They assume things about her, call her names. I slept with my husband on the first date. I don’t regret it one bit. And we are every bit as passionate as we were on that first night… more so actually. The idea that a man will think differently of you if you sleep with him? Ridiculous. If he does, then he’s a misogynistic hypocrite. (I know this wasn’t the focus of your post, but I got some grief from some friends when I shared that I did this).

    1. sex on the first date?
      Not quite—but almost
      on the next I was left in no doubt as to what was wanted–I seemed to have little choice in the matter. She wanted sex, women are voracious in such matters when they choose to be so. Being a virgin I tried to protest—but, well—you know how it is. She kinda insisted, so I had no choice but to submit to her demands.
      (we were married for 42 years, the ‘demanding’ passion remained as intense as the first time–only more so.)

  12. Coming from a gents point of view, I’d prefer to wait.

    There’s the anticipation along with the reason that sex is the most intimate thing you can do with a person, personally if the woman was too eager I’d be put off.

    I’m not saying it’s wrong but if I met my partner and she banged 40 first dates before me I’d lose respect for her and I’d expect the same treatment, I believe they call it dignity and self control.

    It’s unfair I know that a man is a “stud” and a woman is a “slut” if the same situation is thrown at them but unfortunately it’s the majority of society’s point of view.

    Maybe it’s due to males (myself included) thinking sex is more meaningful for the female? I mean delving into my subconscious were probing your getting probed without sounding to vulgar.

    Do what’s right for you I say but thought I’d throw a male perspective in there.

    1. I certainly don’t agree with you, Chris, but I’m happy you’ve shared your perspective. I don’t think the amount of sex one has reflects on their degree of dignity or self control. Sex can be serious or fun, intense or just a bit of nonsense. It’s the stories we tell about ourselves and each that bestow “good” and “bad” on our sexuality.
      Thanks for taking the time to read and leave a comment.

      1. I actually agree with you after reading your comment (and Stephs) but there is something in me that’s dragging me back to want to completely disagree with you.

        Maybe its the era that I was born that it was on the fringe of sexuality being excepted as a subject that can openly be discussed or a gentleman’s side that wants a woman to be selective (or more selective) I guess as males and our biologically make up that the women we sleep with we want as pure as possible in a relationship.

        I mean if my next partner was gang banged in a grave yard at midnight for a bit of nonsense & fun I don’t think I could be with that person, I also think that our sexual past if it’s discussed at the beginning of a relationship shapes our projected personality, it maybe false and not the type of person we really are but it’s first impressions that could lay the path to something special.

        Not sure but we only live once and we have to make the most of it!

    2. Finally a reasonable comment. Self-control is a good thing. But if sex is cheap to people then have at it.

      1. I know “sex is cheap” is a common saying – but what does it actually mean? How and why have we put a monetary or moral value on sex?

        Sex is an intimate moment between two people for whatever reason they decide. It is not a bargaining chip or some kind of prize.

        I think more people should ‘have at it’ more often. The world would be a happier place.

  13. Katie,
    It’s 5:00 a.m., and I’m writing to you after an amazing first-date night that concluded in several hours of quite possibly the best sex of my life. My date & I had only known eachother for a week, but there was clearly chemistry from the get-go. I searched ‘first-date sex’ on Pinterest on a whim, after spending years knocking myself down for sleeping with a guy prematurely in our relationship. I want to let you know that your article meant a lot to me, especially the affirmation that I needed to not be ashamed for opening myself up & taking a chance when the feeling was right. While neither of us can be sure where the future will take us, we both had an amazing night that I will never forget. Thank you for sharing your story 🙂

  14. The majority of men will not respect (or stay with) a woman who sleeps with him on the first date, that’s just the reality.

    1. In my experience, I haven’t found that to be true.

      Respect has nothing to do with sexual appetite.

      A man who believes in such antiquated ideas is clearly not someone I would want to be with.

      1. I grew up in a society that judges women’s sex appetite negatively. I left and met my hubby who has been so liberating for me. I still had the social mores of my culture but he opened my eyes to the joys of honest and open sexual relationships, no judgements. This was not an overnight event, it must have taken the best part of at least 15 years of our marriage. We have moved on from no sex on the first date I think as long as practising safe sex is followed, I agree that if you feel a chemistry there, then go for it. Better to find out if indeed that chemistry extends to a most important aspect of a relationship. I guess we all have different preferences, mine has certainly changed with the times, for the better I feel.

  15. I have found that to be true from both advise and personal experience. I’m sure a ‘friend with benefits’ would respect you and keep coming back, but I am referring to someone you are looking to pursue a relationship with.

    Indeed, respect has nothing to do with sexual appetite, but it has everything to do with self-restraint.

    There are so many (nice) men (and women) who share the option of Chris, so why risk sabotaging a potentially long and meaningful relationship simply because you can’t keep your legs shut for long enough?

      1. i wish we could get away from the idea that girls somehow have to persuaded to have sex–on the first date or otherwise.
        A woman, once she’s aroused by her man, knows exactly what she wants—any “persuasion” is just a polite charade

  16. I am a marriage and family therapist intern and I see so many women who have no business having sex on a first date, due to past sexual trauma, emotional/ physical abuse, and disordered social functioning. There is a very small percentage, excluding those who believe sex before marriage is incompatible with their worldview, that could pull off unattached sex on a first date. We aren’t wired to not attach emotionally and I think women who don’t come away from more than one or a few first date sexual experiences with some reservations about what they did are not being honest about why they are really jumping in that fast anyway. If it is all about sex, then why is it all about sex. Emotions are changeable and how something “feels” right today could be a very choice indeed. Emotional reasoning when it comes to sex with a first date is irrational and maladaptive in the long run.

    1. While I understand your point of view, I wonder, however, if you are not basing your observations on the women you come in contact with in treatment — those who are sexually wounded through abuse, religious conditioning or gender role expectations.

      I would think it is difficult to make reasoned generalizations when you are not having in-depth conversations with women who are sexually and emotionally healthy, and who enjoy sex simply for pleasure. It’s not ALWAYS “all about sex” but sometimes it can be.

      I’m not saying you MUST have sex on a first date, all I’m saying is that it’s an option with many benefits.

      Thank you for sharing your perspective.

  17. Am in the process of planning a hookup with a guy I’ve met online. We’ve been talking about sex, sexting, turning each other on, or just chatting for 2 months now…..it’s almost a given we’ll have sex on our first date (no, he’s not coming to my house, we’ll meet out somewhere first, my friend will have his details, condoms are a must have, kids with babysitter…oh my!). Honestly, I can’t wait (!!) he sent me a pic of his …. (wow!). It has been difficult in planning as we both have work/kids/life/distance to overcome. We’ll get there no doubt:) It has been really refreshing to be open with someone about what I want, how I want it, what we want to try. At first I was a bit shocked at myself…. I was enjoying it, wanted it, our sexting made me feel great. Sexy:) It will be interesting to see how this turns out.

  18. I love this! I wish we would have just taken this approach years ago! My husband and I had been dating for a month or two when we had “the big talk” and agreed to wait a while for “the big moment”. Little did either of us know, the “the big wait” only lasted about 20 minutes after “the big talk” ????

  19. I had sex with my ex on our 2nd date, and wish I had waited longer. Sex releases a bonding hormone in women that can make them believe they are more attached to the man they have sex with than they really are, in a lot of cases, mine being one of them. I think if I’d have waited, I wouldn’t have become so attached, and overlooked a lot of things. It’s obviously not true for everyone, but I did want to share that perspective.

    Now that I’m single in midlife, I think I’ll wait for myself. Just to be sure. Not that I won’t drag him off when I feel I’m ready, but until then, I plan to wait a bit longer this time around. Just for me.

  20. I have sex on many first dates. I have dignity and self control but if I want to have sex and he wants to have sex why wait? If he doesn’t contact me again then he wouldn’t have whether I had sex with him or not. I am a confident, middle aged woman who enjoys sex. You can guage many things having sex on a first date. I know my friends say oh you’ve given it away. No I had sex. There’s so much more to me that that. And as for intimacy, you don’t need that for great sex. you gain that from being with someone and loving someone, you gain intimacy with time. Thank you for an honest article. I spent most of my lifetime thinking I was a slut or easy but now it realise I enjoy sex, I’m not hurting anyone and I’m liberated from all the negative thoughts on women who have sex because they enjoy it.

  21. Do God’s rules and morals have anything to do with your rules and morals? Obviously not. But I prefer to follow His. They are there for my protection and care. It’s not “what I want” or “what feels good” or “what everyone around me is doing” that should be my guidelines. It’s being pure and right and obedient to God our Creator that should be our desire. God’s Word the Bible is full of sexual standards and principles for human beings. They were placed there for our protection and care. Perhaps it would be good for you to look up those verses.
    It concerns me that it seems to be the norm for our world to want to do the opposite of what is morally right. For this reason we have so much sexual disease and other related problems in our world today. Something to think about!

    1. You say your religion’s rules are there for protection and care (twice in fact). Protection and care from what I wonder?

      Why do you see sex, the intimate expression of love between consenting adults, as wrong? How does it hurt anyone?

      I would argue that the restricting the expression of love causes the major problems of hate, intolerance and judgment in the world.

      But I know we are not going to agree so I’ll keep spreading the love while you continue to disapprove.

      1. While the bible undoubtedly contains some sound advice on life and living in general terms, we must not lose sight of the fact that it was written by men who were so afraid of the sexual power of women (yes–they knew it back then too) that they felt compelled to imprison them in body bags for fear of unleashing it.

        This is the swathe of the world still practising FGM to curtail female appetite for sex, yet you seek to uphold their ”righteousness” as an example to us all, from men so primitive they didn’t know where the sun went at night.

        Men so petrified of women and sexual pleasure that they have inflicted their destructive dogma on women for thousands of years.

        And you have the gall to help them perpetuate their evil

    2. Who is this God (or more accurately “god”) that you speak of Ana? (A male god no doubt. They usually are.)
      You have been quite obviously treated with some serious brainwashing. Dangerous dogma and downright nonsense imposed on you by the proponents of your “religion.” Try thinking for yourself rather than treating us to other people’s distorted BS. And maybe don’t take yourself so seriously. You may be surprised.

  22. I really enjoyed this article.
    I remember reading it earlier this year and found your views liberating, but still quite shocking.
    I felt I would never be able to be that spontaneous and daring during a first date.
    Recently though I’ve done exactly that, I’ve gone with the flow, thrown my huge ‘rule book’ out the window and went for it…… I had first date sex!!!!
    At 46!!!!
    It was amazing ????
    I never imagined it could possibly be fulfilling.
    And better still we have both come back for more!!!
    Now he says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me!!!!
    You are right….life is too short!!!
    Thank for some amazing reading ????

  23. Like a bunch of posters previously said you have to do what works for you. My own thoughts are that I would have to feel close (emotionally) to a person to go all the way. If it’s a first date, it’d be difficult to have that level of trust, for me anyway. And it’s an awful way to weed out dirtbags. This person is going to be sharing 1/2 their DNA with me, it should be more than a compatability test or a gamble to see if he’ll call again. Especially if it’s great sex you’re gonna want more ????

  24. Wonderful points that you have brought do discussion here in your article. As a 30 year old woman who has been considered a slut or whore among others I have realized to not care what society thinks.  From that I had an easier time at gaining my self confidence, self respect, and self acceptance. For this reason alone I have been stressing that to many of my friends and other people who disagree and think that holding out on having sex.

    It’s a quicker way to get what you want, whether it be a relationship, fun times, or just a quick release of stress. It gets straight to his demeanor (if your paying attention) and it becomes much easier to see through any b.s. that might cause problems later.

    As a life lesson, I wish I would have learned this earlier in my life. I also should urge everyone to pay less attention to what society has to say about women and their sexual appetites because this might be news to some people but most of us women know full well that our sexual apitite is often much higher than a man’s or what men seem to ever grasp when they talk amongst one another. Many of us want to f*** all of the time! It is only because of societys  misleading nonsence is why women have been horribly misjudged for how often they should have a desire to have sex.

    No-one outside of you should be telling you how often you should and shouldn’t have sex. This should always be based on how you are feeling and not how others feel or will feel about it. Pleasing yourself should come first. After all, this urge to have sex would not be there of it didn’t start from you and how you feel. Right?

  25. I came for the Pinterest, I stayed for this amazingly good article. This used to be such a taboo for women. A woman’s sexuality was the original sin itself! I’m happy that the world is growing up….at least some of it anyway.

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