Rest in Peace

There are no words to describe what happened in my world yesterday. It is perhaps all too soon for this, but my blog has saved my life more than once and will again.

Yesterday someone died.

Yesterday someone whose only resemblance to the person I married was his physical body, chose death over life.

And I was the one to find that cold lifeless self-destroyed body.

The man that I fell in love with and married, had disappeared many, many years ago. I have already grieved for that loss. The man that was taken to the morgue yesterday was a stranger. A man already dead to feelings, experience and joy; a man consumed by a mental illness that stole the desire to embrace life.

This is not the way I thought my life would turn out. But here I am widowed at 45, yet still alive, brave and courageous.

If pain wants to take up residence in my life, then bring it on. I will not close down, I will not be destroyed, I will not choose to live anything less than a great big life.

I can get through this — the most horrible of circumstances — and emerge from the fires of hell cleansed and renewed.

Rest in peace Mr Katie — may you finally find love, joy and wonder in the bosom of the Universe.

About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing

33 thoughts on “Rest in Peace

  1. Katie, I am so, so sorry for what you are going through right now. There is no word that describes just exactly how much my heart goes out to you right now. I hope that some of the memories you made together can bring you some comfort through this time xxx

  2. Katie, my heart goes out to you my lovely and I honestly don’t know what to say except that I am thinking of you and send you all my love. Nicole xxxxoooo

  3. OMG, Katie. I have no words. Just sending you big, big(((((HUGS)))))).
    Take care of you.
    Carolyn xx

  4. Oh Katie, that is awful. I am so sorry to hear that. I couldn’t imagine what you would be going through. xoxox

  5. Yes you ARE strong and will come out of this experience even stronger.

    LIFE is precious – it is a beautiful and sacred gift.

    We all choose our own destiny.

    He is no longer suffering, he is finally at peace.

    Love you heaps x

  6. OMG Katie! My thoughts and prayers are with you at this terrible time. Please take care of yourself 🙂
    Hugs and kisses
    rene xxx

  7. *hug*

    I have no words.
    They say your body is like a jacket, and you move through time leaving it behind eventually as the weather changes.

    I’m sorry, though. Be well, Katie.

  8. Oh Katie – I am stuck for words. I am so sad for your loss, my thoughts are with you. You are a very strong and courageous woman and will get through this; know that we are all with you xx

  9. Dear Katie, you are a very strong person & hhave helped me on many occasions, probably more than you know. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Erika

  10. What a tragedy for you to discover Katie, and I am truly sorry for your loss; be strong and know that you have many who are praying for you and are here as a sounding board. Let your thoughts and feelings out; it will help tremendously. Charmaine

  11. (((hugs)))

    I don’t have the words really but just know that I’m thinking of you. Thoughts and prayers and hugs your way.

  12. Very sorry to read this Katie…passing on all the best wishes and positive vibes that I can…I know it won’t help…but they are there for you anyway.

  13. I don’t visit blogs anymore, I was just deleting some comment spam that just came up on my old blog which someone led me to checking up on you.

    OMG Katie I had no idea you had been going through all this, it really sucks and I am really sorry. 🙁

    On the bright side, things should only get better now, I wish you all the best!

  14. Hello (again) KatieP,

    This may seem like an old post to you. Even the comments seem to have ceased the better part of a year ago. To me though, this post is as fresh as the day you wrote it. Your words are timeless and this is the first I have read them here, referenced in your post of February 11, 2011 (

    I am not here to comment and open old wounds. I am here to mark with you your celebration of the rebirth you deserved. I am sorry for the journey you found necessary to reach “Goodbye Mrs H” today but I applaud your courage to have made it.

    Thank you for sharing your grief and journey. I must walk a similar path from the opposite direction. Thank you for showing me that it can be done. I too hope to be able to “emerge from the fires of hell cleansed and renewed.” as my namesake implies.

    Very sincerely thank you,

    – Phoenix

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