On the fourth day of blogging about the things I am grateful for, I hit a brick wall. There are so many good things in my life I feel reluctant to talk about. Why? Because my mother would say I was showing off. If I told you that I don’t need to work at the moment, that I rarely get sick, or that I have an amazing sex life, I fear you would think I was a vain and shallow person.
I wonder why I am like this?
It seems perfectly acceptable to write about the misfortunes in my life. The struggles I encounter are probably similar to yours. Perhaps even worse. Sometimes it seems as though there is a kind of competition to see who has the shittiest life. Does my adoption, bulimia and husband’s suicide beat your job loss, chronic fatigue syndrome and divorce? Who knows … who’s judging these things?
But this month isn’t dedicated to the pain, this month is dedicated to the joy, the blessings, the luck that has befallen me. And still, I’m reluctant to reveal anything more than things that have nothing really to do with me as a person — listening to music, learning to type, going shopping with a patient boyfriend.
I can’t tell you about all the good stuff because no one likes a “skite”.
So what am I grateful for today? Shall I break the mould and disclose something deeply personal and risk sounding like a boastful, egotistical fool?
I am grateful that by some stroke of biological and environmental good fortune, I have a sharp intellect.
On the flip side though, the thing I fear most, next to losing someone I love, is losing my mind.
I guess that with a great blessing comes the fear that it will someday disappear…
Tell me, why is it so difficult to talk about our positive characteristics and circumstances?
What are you grateful for today?