I spent a long time thinking that relationships should be the variety that my parents have — a polite, comfortable, solid, long-term, come hell or high water kind of love. But something was wrong. There was an emptiness that couldn’t be filled by travelling the world, succeeding at work, sculpting my body into a size 8 or being able to buy whatever I wanted. I never felt like I belonged, I never connected with another human being.
A strong and yet supple sense of who you are encourages self-reliance and autonomy. It means you are confident that the answers lie inside you instead of with someone else. It allows you to lay open your heart and fall into the heart of another without losing yourself. It lets you love your dark places without fear that they will drive people away.
My ability to recover relatively quickly from such a traumatic event in my life was because I followed my pleasure before I took care of the pain. I concentrated all my efforts on how wonderful it felt to be with someone I could love, and who loved me even at my worst. Of course the pain seeped in and sometimes obliterated all thoughts of pleasure, but it was (and is) the happiest time of my life.
Looking back, I can make the excuse that I was in shock and didn’t know what I was doing, but all I knew in that moment was that life was impermanent and everything could end in a heartbeat. There was no time to lose, there was no reason to pretend any longer. Sex and death. Connection in the face of disconnection. Love is all that matters.
Since hearing Marianne Williamson talk on Saturday, I’ve wanted to be just like her. The path I thought I should take was A Course In Miracles because that’s what she believes. On Monday I started out on Day One of the Course. By Tuesday afternoon I wanted to give up. It wasn’t right for me.… Read More
When we are in a relationship there are three things that reinforce to us that someone is deeply in love with us. In NLP, this is called a deep love strategy. If you want to make sure that your partner continues feeling loved and connected with you, you need to find out what their deep love strategy is.
I seem to have lost my inhibitions about crying in public. I have been seen sobbing on public transport, in shopping centres and more frequently than you would expect, in restaurants. In the beginning I blamed the non-stop flow of tears on my sadness and shock over the death of my husband. I was unable… Read More