Just the Facts

• Katie Paul (KatieP)
• DOB 16 October 1964
• Born in New Zealand
• Sydney, Australia
• Blogging since August 2006
• Writer
• Photographer
• Filmmaker
• NLP Coach and Hypnotherapist

Some people say some decisions you make change the course of your life. I made two of those decisions exactly five years apart.

Food

In January 2005 I decided to lose weight. Instead of ending up with a  smaller body I ended up with an eating disorder and a life of misery. I tried every diet known to man and competed in two Figure Competitions (2008/2009) and still couldn't manage to escape the starve/binge cycle that saw my weight bounce up and down. I hated my body and couldn't seem to find a way out of my self-inflicted diet and exercise hell.

I finally hit rock bottom in September 2009 and vowed that I would give up dieting the way an alcoholic gives up the booze. It took nearly two years but I can now say I am fully recovered.

Sex

Without the distraction of counting calories and spending hours in the gym I realised that my marriage of sixteen years was not going well. Over the years I had become a person I didn't recognise. I declared that living a lie was no longer an option and vowed to live an authentic life. I longed for the passion and excitement of true connection and spent a lot of time agonizing over staying with my husband or risking being alone for the rest of my life.

In the early hours of January 2010, with my morals clouded by champagne and the romance of New Years Eve, I kissed another man. Once that happened I knew my marriage was over and I moved out two months later.

Internet dating was my new obsession and in the space of two and a half weeks in March I dated twelve different men. I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted to hang out with someone who found me sexy and interesting.

The thirteenth date changed my perspective. I found a man who was completely at ease with the raw, chaotic, authentic me. Without warning, I fell in love. He is called Duckfish on this blog (and comments as Duckfish/TLOTMLBDF).

Death

In April 2010, my husband committed suicide after Duckfish and I had dated for little over a week. As a suicide widow I had to deal with the trauma of losing someone I had spent nearly twenty years with. I threw out nearly everything that I owned, moved in with Duckfish a couple of months later, changed my name, left my job and went back to University to do a Masters in Non Fiction writing. I am writing a book that covers some of these events in my life.

After all of this I came to realise that the secret to my recovery from both my eating disorder and my husband’s suicide was that I decided to write my own story, be true to my inner self and celebrate my imperfections.  Life will always be imperfect, but you can always be perfectly you.

... a woman's song is her truth,
the sweetest song she can sing.

About You

So now that you know about me, I'd like to hear more about you. I'd be grateful if you'd introduce yourself in the comments below and tell me what you struggle with most when it comes to holding on to your authentic self in the midst of an imperfect life. Don't feel pressured to produce a novel, I just want to get to know you a bit.

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