Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Duckfish spends a lot of time working away from home. He likes to think he’s George Clooney in Up in the Air, living out of a suitcase in various hotel rooms. Sometimes I wonder if lonely women hit on him in the hotel bar. He assures me it never happens.

It means we’re apart for significant amounts of time. At worst, it’s two weeks out of four, at best, a couple of days in a month.

Before, when I was freelance stage manager, I was the one who spent time living out of a suitcase in various hotel rooms. I’ve worked in Tokyo, London, New York, Singapore and South Carolina, not to mention every major city in Australia and every major town in Queensland (damn those Australian Performing Arts Centre Association {APACA} tours). In those days, my husband was the one left behind.

Now Duckfish goes away and I’m left at home. Sometimes it’s lonely, but mostly it’s fine. Because I’m at home on my own every day anyway, I only miss him in the evening and in bed at night.

After a few days, my skin aches for him. Duckfish and I always sleep naked so it’s a body hunger. I long for his chest pressing against my back and his hand resting on my thigh. I miss his finger tracing the inside of my wrist.

But most of all I miss his kiss. The warmth of his lips pressing against mine – sometimes light, dry and breathy and other times moist and insistent, his tongue finding mine then flicking back into his mouth while I long for more. Every kiss is just like the first one, putting the breath back into my body, stirring an ache in my belly.

When we kiss the earth stops spinning and the angels pause to watch, their wings brushing my cheek. I feel connected to life, to the Universe and to the soft warmth of love.

When Duckfish is home I drink him in, until I’m filled up and overflowing, hoping there will be enough to keep me going when he’s not there. Knowing he’ll be gone soon enough means I never take him for granted.

He’ll be back, and when he walks through the door all the longing and anticipation will inflame my desire. I want him more because I can’t always have him.

His absence makes my heart grow fonder. When he’s not here my bones grow brittle and dry, but when he returns I return to being soft and flexible.

Hurry home my love.

I Know your pain, I Know your need, I Know your pleasure
I Know your love, I Know your heart, I Know your breath
I Know your forever, I Know your soul, I Know your yearning
I Know your storm, I Know your warmth, I Know your passion
I Know your torment and hurt, I Know your joy and your smile
I Know your endless love, I Know your spirit, I Know your universe
I Know your long past that has led to now
I Know your touch, I know your beauty, I know your light and your dark,
I Know your depth, I know…
…because I miss you too.

— Duckfish: April 21, 2010

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