Sometimes I feel like I’m living in an alternate reality. Sailing down a stream that split into two some time ago. Is there another me in a parallel universe who made a different decision?
Is she still in that house in Princes Street with the sea grass matting that smells of the previous tenant’s dog? Is her husband still drinking tall bottles of beer every night and calling her selfish. Has she given up on ever feeling special?
My heart breaks for her. She dreams of another life that she is too scared to go after.
In the back of my mind I worry my current experience is the one that isn’t real. What happens when I wake up and find myself back in the marriage, the job, and the self-loathing I walked away from? Surely I can’t deserve all this happiness …
But my musings are misguided. Even if I’d stayed locked in my obsession with achieving the perfect body, even if I had never kissed another man on New Year’s Eve, even if I’d never packed up my belongings and moved into the tiny flat overlooking the harbour, things would no longer be the same.
Life doesn’t stay the same. The stream constantly flows around rocks and branches and veers off in different directions.
Even if I hadn’t done any of the things I did, things would still be different. The past, as I imagine it, no longer exists. The only thing certain is change.
The other me is now living in a different reality too. One where things are better, or maybe they are worse.
I no longer believe that doing nothing in the midst of unhappiness means life will stay the same. One simple action, one small decision will spark a course correction that will launch you into a parallel life.
The question is … are you steering the boat or being swept along by the current? Is it your choice or the whim of the gods of change?
This is the only life you’ve got. Nothing stays the same. You can decide where you’re headed or just wait and see. Either way, the future is guaranteed to be a different reality to the one you have now. Which parallel life do YOU choose?
I think about that sometimes, wondering if there’s another me doing the thing I didn’t, or who didn’t do the thing I did. It’s a bit of a comfort sometimes when I regret NOT doing something, because maybe other-me did it for us.
That’s a great way to look at it Celynne.
OH MY GOD! They made Katie go parallel! || = ll < That's you being all parallel, that is. S:)<=; < That's me. Hmm.. …or perhaps… …it's the other me?
Erm…. Should I be worried?
P.S. I love the way your [Submit] button goes green when you hover over it. Did you do that?
Hello baby – I miss you (and your other you) ♥ ♥ 😀 [no I didn’t make the button go green … it’s built in]
I just discovered your blog last night and have now spent many, many hours reading your posts. I’ve been going through many of my own related struggles and something about this one just really got to me and I wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve done here.
My only complaint is that there are far too many things that speak to me here and you’ve ruined my productivity. 🙂
Hi Aaron – so lovely to meet you. It is always a surprise when men discover my blog and find something that speaks to them. I guess the space between men and women is not as vast as I thought.
Welcome — please feel free to make yourself at home. Sorry about the drop in productivity x