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In my ‘before’ life, when I was working so hard towards being lean and healthy, I used to have a vision board filled with pictures of figure competitors. They were my inspiration. I focused on those pictures believing I would create what I put my attention on.
The law of attraction didn’t let me down – I did end up with a similar body – but instead of feeling pleased I still felt lacking and panicked that a couple of meals would snatch the look I longed for away from me.
I was always comparing myself to someone who had different genes and different reasons for wanting to look that way. I could only see the external version of that woman. I had no idea whether she thrived on the thrill of pushing her body to extremes or if she was punishing herself because she didn’t know what else to do.
When I vowed to never diet again I got rid of all those pictures and unsubscribed to the body building blogs and forums. I did something that made a huge difference in my recovery.
Women of every size
I started looking at blogs that celebrated women in all their shapes and sizes. Big women, normal women and boyish looking women all fascinated me. I wasn’t immune from comparing myself to them and sometimes my thoughts were unkind (“at least I don’t look that bad”) but most of the time I marveled at the way women could be beautiful just by thinking they were.
It has been said that wanting to look young and skinny is the domain of white woman. When I see African-American and Latino women loving their curvy bodies I am inclined to agree. Somehow white women have been taught our goal should be to look like the rail thin models on the runways in Europe.
To counteract this indoctrination, surround yourself with photos of all sorts of women. Find women to put on your vision board who don’t look anything like the ones in the magazines. Look for beauty in the swell of a breast, the curve of a waist and the smoothness of skin that has some fat under it. Look for shapes that are similar to yours and enjoy those who are different.
The suppression of feminine sexual energy
I believe that part of the reason we are told that we need to be thin and young to be attractive is it’s a way to contain our female energy. As the object of men’s sexual desire we have great power. In times past, the church kept woman under control ruling that we couldn’t be passionate and sensual without first entering into a marriage contract with a man.
These days, the pressure from the church has diminished. So instead of keeping us under control within the confines of marriage, society tells us that unless we are beautiful, young and slender, we can’t possibly be sexually attractive. By believing this lie we are giving away our power.
The truth is no matter how you measure up to the impossible standard of air brushed models; you are sexier than you think.
The only prerequisite for beauty is confidence and being comfortable in your own skin.
You deserve to be wanted, ravished and satisfied.
You are a work of art. You are gloriously intuitive, emotional, impulsive and heart centered.
Don’t let society take away from you your femininity which is a gift to the world. Every time you love someone, every time you hold someone’s heart in your hands, you transform your life and the life of those around you.
You were born with a strong female essence because you have a mission to be love and to be loved. Every day you believe that you are less than desirable you are missing out on your life.
Step into your beauty.
Claim your feminine power.
Be sexy.
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Wow…….I think you just changed my life. I am 51 years old and am exactly the white wanting woman trying to measure up. Don’t know how exactly to let myself be me but I want to live again. Whew!!
Hey Chris … thanks for leaving such a great comment. It’s never to late to ‘live again’ — go for it xx
I’m very quick to stomp on any self-hating body talk whenever I’m with my friends. If one of them bemoans her thighs or complains about belly weight, I tell them to shush and never speak like that, and that they are beautiful and gorgeous. I was SO SAD when a pregnant friend of mine said that she so badly wanted to love her growing baby belly, but that she felt horrible for gaining weight and she felt fat and ugly when I think she looks absolutely gorgeous. I don’t want any person to feel guilt and sorrow over their weight like that.
Part of our beauty as women is that we are different. It’s as you say… we’re all works of art, and we’re all different! Nobody would go to an art gallery if all they had was reproductions of the Mona Lisa. Variety is the spice of life, bodies included!
I love this Celynne Variety is the spice of life, bodies included! I hope we can all one day embrace this.
On most days, I don’t feel sexy. I’m embracing it more and more. I am beautiful, sexy and awesome. 😀
Yes you are!
There was a book in the 80’s – “When Feeling Bad Is Good.” The author made the point that the further you were away from the cultural standard of “womanly” or “acceptable”, the more normal moderate depression was. The worst thing you could be would a 58 year-old woman, who had no children, was lesbian, black or Hispanic, overweight and a plumber. You should never age, not be Caucasian, not be thin. You should work a job “appropriate” for a woman if you had the gall to work to earn money in the first place. Author was Ellen McGrath. Similar points – more than 30 years ago. Thanks Katie for celebrating that sexy is an attitude and available for all!
I shall have to see if I can find that book, Dr M. Thanks for your insightful comment.
So wonderfully said. Thank you, Katie, for the dose of reality.
Thanks, Mindy x
WOW! I think I need to book mark this and read it over every morning (or night 😉 ) …Thank you, I’m under weight, small busted (though never had much in the boob department), am worn down with health issues, and I turn 50 the day after boxing day… I’m definitely going through an I’m not-good-enough-not-sexy-enough phase!
Thanks for this positive, inspirational post…I needed to hear it 🙂
You’re welcome, Kimmie. Keep on believing 🙂
Well said – rail thin is unreasonable and often unhealthy!
Unless it’s your natural shape of course 😉
This is exactly what I needed to hear. As a 30 year old woman who has struggled with bulimia from the age of 14, I’m trying to love me (big butt, big boobs, mommy pooch, & all). I’ve read most of your posts just today (stumbled upon you on pinterest) and I feel like we are almost the same person lol. I married young and never really found myself or loved myself. I’ve fallen into the temptation of having an affair, starving myself, binging, etc. all the while, just trying to find myself. Thank you so much for helping me see that I’m not alone!!!
We should be best friends, IMMEDIATELY ♥
Love this. Thanks