Sometimes people are just fucking annoying. Sorry, but in some cases it’s impossible to be warm and engaging with someone who’s being an idiot. Most of the time getting annoyed with someone says more about us than it does about them but that’s a discussion best saved for another time.
What matters is finding a way to react that shows love.
A few years ago, in the middle of a tense time at work when there were a lot redundancies and emotions were running high I posted a message on the company notice board welcoming the new staff who had joined us. A person in another department decided to criticise me for being insensitive to those people who had lost their jobs. Perhaps a fair call (dickheads sometimes teach us things) but his tone and language were personal and vicious.
I could have replied to his public attack on me defending my intention to be welcoming to the new people and point out the inappropriateness of a personal attack in a public forum.
But I didn’t. Why?
Because people who are aggressive and confrontational enjoy it when their behaviour triggers a conflict. Not entering into the conversation drives them crazy. Not only is the perpetrator frustrated but you come off looking gracious and restrained.
The people that knew me understood I wasn’t trying to gloat about the loss of jobs. And they knew this particular person enjoyed stirring up trouble. I didn’t need to point out either thing.
People who love and believe in you do not need to be convinced, and people who do not love or believe in you are not worth trying to convince. — Alan Cohen
It’s hard to do at first. Your immediate reaction to an attack is to go on the defence. The simplest way to do this technique is to leave reacting to the situation until the next day. When the heat has gone out of the argument, you will find it easier not to do anything.
What about that stranger who left an insulting comment on your blog?1 What about that reply-to-all email you weren’t meant to see? What about your ex-husband’s inappropriate Facebook update?
Repeat after me ‘dickheads are self-evident.’
Ξ
→ from the Love Matrix e-book ~ get your free copy here.
I felt empowered just reading the book. I will read it over and over again. It is amazing to hear and truly believe that it is okay for me to be the storm, that I don’t have to be embarrassed or apologize for my emotions. That passion that I feel with is feminine and beautiful … I am feminine and beautiful. Possibly most important is that when I am hurting, that I am not broken – and hurting is okay. — Jessica
________________
- This blog is Dickhead-Free-Zone — no-one leaves comments here that I find insulting. ↩
Lovin’ the idea of the dickhead free zone 🙂
It’s that magic cape I wear (see photo at top) 🙂
And of course we all know who the dickheads are ;).
🙂
You have no idea how timely this is Katie! Thank you!!! I am going through something like this where my integrity and reputation is being challenged. There is a part of me that wants to defend and tell my side of the story. Realizing that dickheads do what dickheads do just to get a rise defeats is a reminder that it’s wasted energy. LOVE that quote by Alan Cohen!!! Thank you:)
Cheers Carrie — defending seems to be a natural instinct for some of us (and sometimes necessary) but we have a choice as well — we can let it go and focus our energy in a more loving direction.
i’m going to type this reply out in HUGE font and put it on my fridge!…
thanks 🙂
I love this. I love the idea of waiting a day. I love that even though we all feel like reacting to dickheads, that there is the truth you point out: it will drive them the most crazy if you don’t react (if I don’t play their game).
Hey Mel
I agree – some games aren’t fun, especially if the odds are stacked against you. x
Such great reminders here Katie not to get sucked into others’ negativity. Afterall there are enough DHs in the world already no need to allow them to propegate and chanel their negative energy!
Petrea
I love the idea of not adding to the negative energy in the world. I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks for the additional insight.