20 Things My Momma Never Told Me About Sex

20 things my momma never told me about sex{click on the image to reveal the hidden pin}

1. Women have sexual power that increases as we age

2. Curves are sexy

3. Your longings are valid

4. Your breasts are the right shape

5. You can have three different types of orgasms

6. A good lover genuinely gets more pleasure giving than receiving

7. Period sex is amazing

8. A relationship needs sex and intimacy to survive

9. If it’s terrible the first time with someone then it’s probably never going to be that great

10. If you discover you’ve married the wrong guy, get out as soon as you can

11. Female ejaculation is real

12. There is no disagreement that was ever resolved by sleeping on the couch

13. Being with someone doesn’t require losing yourself

14. Sometimes you need time to warm up

15. It could all end tomorrow so cherish each moment like it’s the last you’ll have together

16. Loving someone is never a mistake

17. Always sleep naked

18. Your heart can neither break nor burst if you allow love to flow freely through it

19. To love another we have to love all of ourselves first – the brilliant and beautiful, the flawed and foolish, the selfless and self-absorbed, the courageous and fearful

20. The rules no longer apply

softness quote

→ Do you have anything to add to the list?

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About Katie Paul

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing • Join the hottest group on FB → Sassy Midlife Women

64 thoughts on “20 Things My Momma Never Told Me About Sex

  1. Thanka for the list Katie, I absolutely agree and have only started to become more confident since I hit 40. Better later than never.

  2. i like the list 🙂 only the thought of period sex grosses me out l and I really disagree with number 9. Sex wasn’t the very greatest the first time I had it with my husband (virgins when we we got married Whoot!) but ithas only gotten amazing over time! 🙂

    1. I’m with you on 9, Rebecca, My hubby and I have only ever been with each other. So having no one else to compare to, I guess ignorance is bliss. It was pretty bad the first time, but whose virgin run isn’t? By the third try we had it down, lol! Nearly 13 years later it’s only gotten better… 😉

      Good list, Katie.

  3. The only time my mom tried to talk to me about sex because “we’re both women now” I put my fingers in my ears and started singing the star spangled banner. I guess there was actually only one woman in that conversation. I’ll be investigating #5 – always learning!

      1. I guess the answer to your question is rather deep. Initially when I saw #10 I was thinking of my 20 year marriage. It wasn’t ever “happily ever after”. Almost 2 years ago, I asked my husband for a divorce. I had just witness my dad fall into a diabetic coma, self induced, and pass away. Things were completely out of control. My crappy marriage was something I felt I could control. To my surprise my husband freaked out. lol I didn’t expect that.

        Anyway, to make a long story short, we went to marriage counseling with our pastor. My husband realized how selfish he had been the last 20 years. This last 2 years have been better than the first 20. In this case, things worked out for us. I believe it was because of our willingness to be unselfish and keep the communication open instead of harboring bitterness. Putting wedges between us and not caring.

        I do not think that getting divorced was the right thing for me to do. But asking for the divorce gave my husband something to think about and he made the decision to make the necessary changes to be the man, husband and father that God had intended to being with.

        But as I thought about your question I thought about my moms 2nd marriage to a man who was all kinds of abusive to her and me.

        I thought about my girlfriends 1st and 2nd marriage to men who were again, all kinds of abusive to her and her son.

        In those cases, I would have and did tell them to get out and fast.

        However, I believe, IF we seek the will of the Lord, then marrying the wrong man most likely won’t happen. When we follow our own desires and instincts we could fall for the wrong guy and marry him.

        My mom and my girlfriend can see now, the red flags that were presented to them in those cases, that they ignored because they were getting something from that relationship, so they married them.

        1. So very true. I’ve seen firsthand the pain that can rip a family up when a woman stays with an abuser. It is truly heartbreaking and completely unnecessary. No loving relationship involves continued abuse.

          I think that’s different than staying with someone who means well but is just a big bumbling oaf when it comes to showing love. If someone like your hubby of 20 years is willing to make big changes, he’s not the wrong one anymore.

  4. It’s an ok list but it really does lose what it’s about.

    Starts well in relation to the title but then ends up being a list of relationship advice.

    I agree with everyone on #9, there’s such a thing as a learning curve and the exploration of what your partner likes.

  5. Never had period sex before my current relationship because was afraid of it being gross and my partner being grossed out but he is the one that suggested it and even said that he enjoyed it. He made it worth it, and continues to make it worth it. He doesn’t get grossed out and even talks to me about my period without running the other way or suggesting I keep it to myself. So I guess period sex could be gross with the wrong person who makes a big deal about it, but with the right person it is amazing!!!!!

  6. In my case, it’s both better and worse. I can’t see all the blood to be grossed out, not that I should anyway, but also I can’t see it all and that can be it’s own trouble.
    It is refreshing to find a guy who isn’t bothered though.

      1. how does a woman get rid of the “grossness” in her own head? done it once with my fiance, haven’t since. he’s never interested, seems grossed out. I never ask anymore because i have it in my head it’s gross. 🙁 could it possibly be because that’s what we’re made to believe all the time by people around us?!

  7. Just love the list…. I’m 25 and still a bit insecure though…. 🙁 first time at 17…. almost married this guy (my first boyfriend – we stayed together for 2 and a half years, from 16 to 18 – he’s 5 years older than me). In the first time I was so nervous – I told him I was a virgin, so he understood and was patient and kind – but later he started complaining I was too shy and also too skinny (I was and still am both, lol but these comments used to hurt. I had very bad experiences as a child – as a matter of fact I was sexually abused for a long time – so I just couldn’t let go). Later, I dated an older man for 2 years and never really felt pleasure…. I must say I’m a romantic too…. I will only have sex if I’m committed to someone…. casual doesn’t work to me. Hope someday I’ll find a man I love who’s also great in bed – wish me luck 😉

  8. this answer is for May really, A male view. I’m sure you will find the right man we aren’t all ogre’s lol! The right man will be patient, tender and loving. I had dated a wonderful lady that had been through something similar, It was only circumstances beyond our control that caused us to part. So don’t despair, you have time on your side. Oh and Merry Christmas to all & thank you Jo for your great insight into the word of women. X

        1. I also am way lucky – I have orgasms brought on by my husband licking my nipples – which “category” does this come under lol. Thank you for the list – none of which my mother told me about. And #20 particularly applies!!! Make your own rules!!!

  9. This list is excellent. A very wistful and sad list, however. The validation of #3 was very nice, yet I am definitely stuck. Number 8 is also bittersweet. My husband has been unable to have sex for the last 3’years due to health issues. I have thought about cheating just to have meaningless sex…just to have someone touch me again. I feel the bitterness that must be felt by someone whose life is passing them by. I never, ever thought I would miss sex so much, but without it I feel like a non-person. Consequently I HATE this time of year, with all the Valentine commercials, kissy-kissy nonsense, and those stupid k-y yours and mine commercials. Hate ‘Em all. And I feel like a horrible person for wanting to step outside my marriage just to be a woman again.

    1. Love this list. But there are 2 things I would add……1. In M’s case, sexual therapy might help. 2. Pleasuring yourself is another way to enjoy sex…….for one.

      1. Thank you! I had never thought to seek therapy. Although I do see a therapist because of the events of the last 4 years and she is aware of this problem in our lives, I never thought about addressing it solely.

    2. I hear you and feel your pain, M. I don’t think you are a horrible person at all — just someone trapped in a situation with limited options. I hope you find a way to be happy soon.
      Lots of love x

  10. I too encourage therapy if your S/O isn’t understanding of sexual abuse. Only with my third husband did I hit the jackpot… He instilled that confidence and helped to removed the shame I had associated with sex since chikdhood. Best sex & gets better all of the time!

  11. I agree with all except I just cannot do period sex. I’m a nurse and see way too many body fluids at work. No need for that at home. Nope. I also can’t sleep naked. Never have and never will. I find that sticking together sweaty skin thing keeps me awake. I need my sleep. But the others are fairly spot on. Except it keeps getting better even though the first time was nothing to write about!

  12. Moms should share this list with their (appropriately aged) kids. And not just their daughters. Honestly, how do we expect our sons to be good husbands if we only tell our daughters The Secrets and The Standards.

    So when he’s old enough, we’re going to have a very awkward conversation over milkshakes (because we hate coffee), and he’s going to get this list.

  13. This just came up in my Pinterest feed. You really don’t need sex and intimacy to survive a relationship. There are so many people, including my partner, who don’t get sexual attraction and we’ve been going out since we were both 15 and still going strong.

    1. You make a good point, Alice. Everyone is different. I’m so happy you’re in the kind of relationship that works for you.

      Thank you for commenting.

  14. I think the lidt is good but seems geared towards younger women. I have been in a marriage for over40 years, to a self-centered man. Now confined to a nursing home. Have met man younger than me by 20 years. Very thoughtful n caring. Also has health issues. But knows what i need. I love him. But will stand by my husband til the end. I am 70 years old n just now enjoying life to the fullest.

  15. Wow! Awesome list… 10 and 13 are ones I wish my mom would have taught me! Because I’m spending my midlife re-learning that! And she’s still doing it! I will definitely pass these on to my daughters before it’s too late!

  16. I love the list, in my 20’s I wasn’t that confidant in the bedroom department, although I have had period & yes it was very enjoyable, for both of us. I’m now in my 40’s & menopausal, but far more comfortable in my body & in the bedroom.
    Saying that I couldn’t do number 17, I’m not THAT confident + I get cold 😀.

  17. I love the list, in my 20’s I wasn’t that confidant in the bedroom department, although I have had period sex & yes it was very enjoyable, for both of us. I’m now in my 40’s & menopausal, but far more comfortable in my body & in the bedroom.
    Saying that I couldn’t do number 17, I’m not THAT confident + I get cold 😀.

  18. This is one of the most genuine blogs I have ever read! It felt so good from the inside after reading it, kudos on such a great job! Keep writing many more:).

  19. Great list. I would add two….First, it is perfectly fine to know what you enjoy and to ask for it. Second, natural sexual sounds are like the color in a beautiful painting.

  20. 50 & still trying to be open to
    new things, & also dealing
    with health limitations! Thanks for your blog, and Opening up the door to real
    honest conversation’s about
    sexual emotions and hang-ups that many of us obviously
    want to get past.

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