Who is the Thirteen-Year-Old You?

girls runningCoconut oil. Small brown glass jars with solid coconut melted by the hot sun. This was our choice of suntan lotion, long before skin cancer and sunscreen were invented.

The nuns thought sending us outside was punishment, but two or three girls sitting in the tiled courtyard sunning their legs was never a punishment.

We were the naughty kids. Banished from class for some awkward question or lack of attention. I never understood how sending us outside would make us behave better. The hot sun, the smell of coconut oil and the heat on our legs and faces beat the cold dark convent schoolroom any day.

I suppose we were meant to wilt under the guilt of doing the wrong thing. Nuns liked guilt. It fuelled their devotion. Their separateness from the world meant they had no idea what thirteen-year-old girls thought. Guilt never entered our heads. Our allegiance to education was altogether surpassed by our quest to be suitably tanned in order to attract the boys from St Augustine’s.

Do You Remember the Old School Yard?

The memories of our school days and childhood are never complete. We remember small snippets of stories. The smell of leather bags and chalk dust, the taste of stale milk, the sound of the bell and the touch of a note passed under a wooden desk. We recall being teased for having the wrong kind of lunchbox but we also remember that life was simple, innocent and unhurried.

Where is that girl that dreamed of a life of meaning and bliss? What happened to her to make her disappear? Or is she still inside, weighed down by the mundane life we feel obligated to lead?

The Joy of Childhood

Instead of dwelling on the pain of our childhoods, let’s reflect on that time of our lives that was filled with possibilities and dreams. Remember how it felt to ride your bike down a hill, your feet off the pedals and the wind streaming through your hair. Think of the joy of running until you were out of breath. Remember when you only lived for today and for the future.

I believe that that child still remains in all of us. She is the part of us that loves to draw, to sing, and to write. Wickedly irreverent and quick to smile, she is waiting to come out to play.

Who is the Thirteen-Year-Old You?

Who were you when you were thirteen? Were you like me and ready to question the way things had always been done, disinclined to guilt, inhabiting a body that gave pleasure and anticipating the deliciousness of sexual intimacy? It seems to me that those qualities are still worth pursuing.

Embrace the child you used to be, before you were hardened by the constraints of fitting in. Invite her to bring her joy and amazement at the world back into your life. Embody how it felt to be a goddess, close to the Universe, before time made you forget who you really were. It’s playtime!

→ What is one of your great memories from childhood? What character traits did you have that you might have lost? How did you become the person you are today?

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About KatieP

Embracing my midlife sexy while exploring modern love & relationships • Devoted to all things beautiful • Master of Arts in creative writing & non-fiction writing