OK — I looked up the definition of feminism …
Defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, and social rights and equal opportunities for women. 1
Somehow along the way, being a feminist has meant that you have to be the physical, spiritual and emotional equivalent of a man. Things like the feminine ability to be intuitive, to be “feeling” centred and to inhabit the moment rather than observe it are seen as somehow diminishing the female form.
Ega Jones has written a post about online dating, suggesting that wanting to be pursued by a man is encouraging sexism. I don’t agree. I think it is part of our feminine essence to want to be desired by men and have them work to win our affection. It shows us their character, their ability to be focused and reveals the way they go after what they want. When a man woos us, it demonstrates his ability to negotiate his feelings and to express them appropriately.
At the heart of an intimate sexual relationship is polarity. Masculine and Feminine essences are oppositional (not to be confused with male/female – this applies to same sex relationships and heterosexual relationships where the female takes the masculine role and the male the feminine). The part of your personality you identify most with will attract a partner who inhabits the opposite end of the spectrum.
After living so long in my masculine essence being the big boss in a big job, the financial controller at home, the dieting and exercise discipline queen (or king?) I discovered that I was tired of being in charge.
I wanted someone to take care of me, to open the door for me, to kiss me and tell me how beautiful I was, to adore my naked body no matter what its shape, to listen to my crazy ideas without judgement and to be stronger and tougher than me. So I let all the control go and relaxed into the feminine part of me.
Principally I pulled down my emotional defences and abandoned my desire to be perfect. I asked for what I wanted, I cried when I didn’t get it, and I embraced the part of me I used to think was weak and needy.
And you know the rest …
So being a feminist doesn’t mean that you have to inhabit your masculine essence. On the contrary. It means that the feminine essence is to be celebrated as beautiful and precious. It is stripping away this belief that living from our hearts and identifying emotionally with the world is less important than being indestructible and driven.
I’m not saying you have to be this woman that I describe, what I am saying is that you have a choice. You can be as much of a woman as you want without promoting sexism or betraying the feminist sisterhood.
Love fully – give everything now – unfold your heart – resist nothing – breathe everything – open while failing – ravish beyond safety – shine as love’s light – hold nothing back – unguard your sex
~ David Deida