Figure competition season is under way again and this is the time of year when I stood on stage in 2008 and 2009.
There are some competitors blogs that I still read. I watch as the authors count down the weeks and then the days until “show” day. I wait for that post that reads “I did it, I did better than expected, I am so happy with what I’ve accomplished”.
They are not the words I read. This is what I hear.
I was better than last year but still not good enough.
The competition was stiff so I didn’t place.
I lost too much muscle from dieting.
I hear disappointment in their voices.
And then come the words of hope.
This year will be different.
This time I’m staying competition lean all year round.
This time I won’t make the same mistakes.
Yesterday morning I weighed 68.2kg. This is 14 kilos over my competition weight and that life of restricting followed by bingeing followed by restricting again. I am happier than standing on stage has ever made me.
I would be happy to stay at this weight forever because I haven’t done anything to get here (no cardio session, no hours in the gym). And I’m not done yet. Every time I put on my clothes they are looser. I have no idea where I’ll end up but anywhere south of here is a bonus.
The competition prep/off-season description of restricting and bingeing covers the pain figure girls go through. I can hear the hurt in your voices. Being competition lean for one day doesn’t give you the sense of accomplishment you hoped for and when that weight slips through your fingers after your celebratory meal you are left feeling like a failure. I wish I could help. But the only path the freedom is the path you find yourself when you are ready.
In my perfect world there would be no figure competitions. They promise you success that never comes. Don’t keep feeding the lie. Feed your soul and your spirit and your body will become your friend, not your adversary.