I’m bored with fucking waiting for the University to offer me a place. I mean, it’s been 17 days of clicking on the bloody website 25 times a day. I even have it on my Blackberry so I can check when I’m in between computers.
I’m bored with my job. I no longer make great big important decisions, but instead do mundane tasks that anyone could do. I have a self-diagnosed really bad attitude and I’m grumpy, listless and resent the hours I waste just showing up everyday.
I’m bored with the scales. They go up, down and then get stuck. I’m bored with the number starting with a 7 because I honestly didn’t think I’d see it again. I’m bored that losing weight takes time, and we all know patience isn’t my strong suit.
I’m bored with Duckfish being in Melbourne. I used to love being alone when I lived with a man who drained the very life out of me. When he was around, aloneness was a welcome break. Now that I have a sexy, funny, interesting man in my life, a great big hole opens up when he’s not here. I’m bored with being alone and waiting for him to get back.
I’m bored with boring bloggers telling me either how amazingly stupendous their life is, or how abjectly miserable they are. I alternate between feeling inadequate in comparison or guilty for feeling shitty when I’ve nothing to complain about. I want someone to say what they really think and start some kind of revolution. Maybe I could do that, but I can’t be arsed.
I’m even bored with my own blog. I don’t get nearly as many hits as I did when I was chronicling the boring details of how many calories I ate and what I did in the gym. I hardly get any comments and it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. I know it’s just “meant to be for me” blah blah blah but I’m not one of the cool chicks any more. The healthy bloggers hate me because I’m not skinny enough, the IE crowd hate me because I’m on a diet, the suicide survivors hate me because I’m far too flippant, the recently divorced ladies hate me because I got lucky again far too quickly, and the NLP/hypnosis gang hate me because I obviously need more therapy before I can help anyone else.
I’m so bored I’m losing the will to live (I know — an inappropriate suicide joke *sigh*). I’m bored with this holding pattern. I want to get my new life started. I’m “instant” Katie and everything is taking far too fucking long. I’d sit here and whinge to Duckfish about how bored I am and spare you, but unfortunately HE’S NOT FUCKING HERE. (sorry for shouting)
I think I’ve just figured out the solution — I need a good shag. Oh hang on … I have to wait for that until tomorrow. How boring!
PS: See University assessors — I can so do good writing and stuff.
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I would comment but I’m laughing too hard (probably not what you wanted to hear LOL).
Love ya Katie (even if I dont comment much) irrespective of all of the above.
XX Magda
Laughing is the right response. Love you back crazy running lady xx
Can you list another ‘hate’ group please as none of those are applicable to me
Have a fabulous weekend
I’m glad you don’t fit in any category — good on you!
Fucking Hell and Shit The Bed! (Sorry, excuse my language) GLORIOUS!!! I turn my back for 5 minutes and look what happens! If this is what it’s like now, I hate to think what it’ll be like when you’re next due on. I was going to call you but I think I might need a stiff one first (no Mr T jokes please).
Mmmm stiff one — Mr T — gagging for it — phone sex — ooohhh baby … etc.
I think you’ve got it wrong… less people comment because you’re one of the uber-cool chicks now and THEY feel inadequate and unworthy. ‘Tis true.
Fucking awesome writing, anyway. Those university assessors better grab you before you get bored and change your mind about enrolling.
You could be right – uber coolness might be what I’m suffering from. Thanks for the compliments gorgeousness xxx
Yes meant to say as well as my verbal diarrhoea that I just love your writing and can’t wait for your posts. E xx
Well Katie I feel exactly like you atm. Probably not for the same reasons, I’ve wanted to say what I feel for a long time, so here goes. Just remember… you asked for it my friend! I don’t have a blog as my ex found it and stalked me. So I closed it.Also found me on a forum I really enjoyed so closed that. I feel so bored and boring that I don’t even want to start a bog as I feel no one would read it anyway.
I have been reading some wonderful books trying to expand my mind and beliefs, including The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, Notes from the Universe, Choose then Wisely -Thoughts become Things, Life Lessons – mastering the Law of Attraction, Full Catastrophe Living (really identified with that one) about Mindfulness, Zero Limits, The Attractor Factor, and Craig Harpers Stop F*cking Around. Loved them all as they are all positive books and all offer a different perspective on life and how you might look at it. That doesn’t even go close to the websites I’ve visited. The book that has had the biggest impact is a little book called Manifesting Change – It couldn’t be easier by Mike Dooley. I had a huge aha moment with regards to something that has been happening in my life the last year or so. Now understand many things.
But Katie I am also bored. Said I’d be honest. I get cross when my 12 year old niece says that because as a child I had so many options to fill m day. I’m bored because I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I am a single 48 year old women. I have never been married, I do not have any children, I have had probably 3 important relationships in my life, and I have ended them all. Two included abuse, verbal & physical, so I know I did the right thing. The third – well not sure really. After 4 years together there was no thought of living together, I was still taking my undies in my bag when I stayed on random nights. We holidayed together, but I think that showed me how different we were. So I left that relationship also.
Honesty here. Now I’m not ugly, but I am overweight. I signed up to an “internet dating site” who assured me they had only the best people on their site, that’s why they charge. Previously BF no. 3 as described previously – we met online, I have no issues with that site, but the people were the same as 4 years ago, I live in a smallish town. Signed up to this new site, paid the money, totally devestated. I put my pic up as it’s all private. Took a chance and tried to make contact. Not one person wanted to get to know me, all guys I thought I’d like to meet, total rejection. I didn’t even get one person who wanted to get to know me in 3 whole months.
So! Honesty! Looks and weight do matter to men. I was lucky with my last BF he didn’t have a pic of me before we met. We met and clicked, but it didn’t work out, we wanted different things, but at least we gave it a go!!! Being in the mid to late 40′s as a woman is sh1t. Being the only single person in your group of friends is sh1t. Your friends care but they don’t understand. Being the only single person at every get together gets really really boring. After a while the Nigel no Friends joke isn’t funny. I have quite a few friends around Oz who are feeling the same, including my sister. Most have kids, I don’t.
So being honest Katie, what’s wrong with me? Probably nothing. I think I know after a lot of soul searching. But it doesn’t make me happy. I know I have attacted everything that has happened to me. and that’s ok. BUT I am a Sagitarian and I always look at the bright side. But Katie, sometimes ther is no bright side, as I feel today. Please dont’ take any of this personally, you asked for honesty. Now I’ve seen what I’ve written perhaps I DO need my own blog, if only to get my feelings out.
Love ya Katie …. Exxx
Hey Erika, I’m sorry you’re hurting. My position in life has worked out differently, but I’d read your blog.
I think men are visual creatures and are attracted to women that are confident in themselves regardless of how much they weigh. If you feel weighing less would enhance the quality of your life, then go for it – only you know this for sure.
I would read your blog
Liz N
Hey Ericka — no need to apologise, I love that you’ve written honestly about how you feel. If there’s one thing I adore, it’s the cold, hard truth.
I don’t have any answers for you, but I do know how it feels to be constantly searching for that something. For me, it finally happened when I just gave up trying to ‘fix’ myself and embraced my own unique awesomeness.
You are beautiful, and there is someone out there who will love you truly, madly and deeply. You just haven’t met the person who can handle the size of your heart and your capacity to love.
I think the book I recommended “Finding Your North Star” might help. It is not coincidence that I mentioned it to you. It talks about finding your passion — when you do something that makes you ‘lose’ time. For me that is reading and writing.
I also think that you may have stumbled on something that will help you express your feelings – write that blog and make it private if you have to. Liz and I will read it …
I know it helps me to write things down so the thoughts cease to rattle around in my brain.
I send you my love, and know that you will find your way. These days I figure that when things seem the shittiest, it always means something amazing is just around the corner.
Take care lovely E xxx
Thanks so much Liz and Katie. I dibn’t mean to sound desperate, because I’m not. I just don’t understand ‘the rules’ any more. But also I am a Saggitarian and honesty is part of me, perhaps to my detriment. It just seems that there are women, beautiful, intelligent women who are paralysed, because they (i) believe that being in the 40′s with or without kids, the crap that is around that we are wrinkly old farts. I actually had someone tell me recently that my career choices showed that I was a career woman, and no man would ever take me on… and they never did in the past as I was too strong! F me!!!! Um truth… I never chose my career it happened because I never found someone I wanted to spend my life with. Then I had someone recently say… “oh ok you say that because you’re not a breeder”. That hurt the most. I absolutely wanted to be a “breeder” but for whatever reason – my fault or others – I did not have the chance to have children. That is what hurts the most. i had a healthy body and uterus, but kids never happened. I had 3 serious relationships, for two of them Im glad I didn’t breed, think emotional and physical abuse… last relationship, too late too old. Will start the blog on the next few days. I have often thought about writing things down late at night when I try to go to sleep. E
I’d shag you, but Duckfish might get jealous!
PS now that could start a revolution
Mwah!
Mmmm I just might take you up on that offer. Apparently cheating with another girl doesn’t count
xxx
P.S. Like Magda I was p1ssing my pants when I first read this post!!!!
Hi Kek, thanks for your words, funny but I don’t feel like I’m hurting, but maybe I am, I don’t think I see it that way. I just don’t know where I fit in anymore. I have wonderful friends who only have my best interest at heart, but being the only single person amoungst my friends who are all about my age is hard. Perhaps Im making it harder than it should be, not sure. I have quite a few friends around the country who feel the same… we have really close, good friends, but we feel desperately lonely. That is NOT for a man, but our friends have lives and we do too, but they are often quite limited. Hey Kek, no sympathy needed, just thoughts, I think I will write a blog. Thanks for your insight, have followed you for quite some time ,,, E
Fuck universites and fuck everyone else too.
You’re one of the coolest chicks I know. You can be part of my “crowd” anyday
I tell you what’s fucking boring. Spending most nights with fucking children in the same room which is also the bedroom. There’s someone else who could use a good shag so stop you’re fucking complaining and think yourself lucky
Awesome post! Your writing is so sharp, honest, and quite funny too! It’s ok to be bored really; we just need to embrace it; it’s nothing permanent. Try to remember the last time you wished for a little boredom and didn’t have it. Manic craziness is right around the corner because you WILL be accepted at the University; just claim it! Wishing you more success than you could ever dream of!
Thanks for inspiring all of us Katie!
Charmaine
Hi Katie,
I am one of those lurkers who gets a lot from your writing. You are truly amazing! Just posting so you know that there are people out there like me who read but don’t necessarily comment.
Cheers,
B
LMAO
Hope Duckfish has been taking his vitamins, Katie
Katieeeeee! I wish upon everyone the feeling of having someone they ache to shag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats all I have to say
Thank you for all your comments and encouragement. Who knew that being bored could result in so much truth and love? — thanks guys x
Hi KatieP
Papa Joe here. I don’t think we’ve met but I’m here partly from my friend Rose’s RandomBlog2011 challenge. She challenged her friends to each go out and read at least two new blogs each day for the past week.
But just because I may read a blog doesn’t mean I’ll always hit “Like” or leave a comment. Most of my friends, like myself, are finding the blogosphere to be overwhelming lately. Just too much to keep up with.
But reading your posts I find you to be fascinating. You sound like you’ve had both sorrow and success in your life and handled both admirably. And you speak your mind very directly without it being just a rant.
I choose to comment on this post though I’ve read a few others here because I’m not going to tell you what’s “meant to be for [you]“. I’m not, I hope, offering “blah, blah, blah”. And I’m definitely not a healthy blogger. I’m barely healthy myself with Macaroni and Cheese with Hot Dogs being a gourmet treat for me!
I am here to tell you that you have a friend if you want one. An old fart admittedly. And one who’s only too new to blogging at that. But I’d love to get to know you better and plan to stop by again.
Good luck and hope the shag helps. That’s the perfect medicine for everyone as far as I’m concerned.
- Papa Joe