When my husband died I died too. Today I realised the person who walked into that house on the morning of 15 April 2010 no longer exists.
Today, as I got my licence and Medicare card changed into my maiden name, I realised that there was now nothing left of the person known as Mrs H. I am no longer a wife, a body builder, a disordered eater, or ‘the head of all things’ at the Wh1te Sa1ls Asylum. I have a different name, body, address, marital status and job. I have an entirely different life and a different future.
I am surprised that I feel sad today. It occurs to me that there is no-one to bear witness to or share the memories of the 16 years I lived as Mrs H. Oddly enough, I can’t really remember that much of it and there is no-one and nothing left to remind me.
Don’t misunderstand me, I wouldn’t go back to my old life if I was given the chance. I don’t miss any of it (except the cat) and I am so happy to be in a wonderful loving relationship, healed from my body issues and about to embark on a new career. I feel like I have been re-born and this current version of KatieP is who I’ve always dreamed of being.
But death must precede re-birth, so today I silently honour the passing of all that used to be.
→ photo : Jason Spruill
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And we respect your need to do this. It seems only natural – not that I can speak from experience.
Congratulations KatieP. And thank you.
This is a two part comment. I comment on your post here today as it is fresh. May even have the honour of making the first comment. But today I also comment on the post you mention here. The one you posted the day after your old life ended and your journey to today began.
That may seem like an old post to you, but to me it is the first time I have read it. You are inspiring in your strength and tenacity to build a new life from the ashes of the old. You inspire me to do the same.
Thank you KatieP. Your blog has not only saved you. It may save me as well.
Very sincerely,
- Phoenix
Thank you Phoenix for sharing your thoughts and thank you’s with my fabulous friend, Katie and for letting her know she is making a difference and is inspirational.
(((hugs))) x
That was a touching and heart felt post. Thanks for sharing Katie. xxx