The past seven months, since my husband’s suicide, have not always been rosy. I have kept the real story to myself because there seemed no point in dragging up the past. But on days like today, I feel like I deserve at least to be heard and understood.
My husband died without a will. This means that I have not seen one single cent from our 16 year marriage.
Ironically, if we had divorced, Australia has a “no fault” divorce policy which means no matter who left who for what reason, the assets are equally divided up. Even if I had moved out, taken the kids (which blessedly I don’t have any of) and moved in with another man, in the eyes of the law, I am still entitled to support and half the joint assets.
But as he died intestate when we were separated for six short weeks, somehow I have to convince every man and his dog that I am eligible to be the executor of his estate. I have to explain to the courts what our relationship was like when we were married, who bought the fucking groceries and if we were temporarily or permanently separated.
Somehow it seems bad mannered to point out what was really going on in the relationship, but if you are asking who paid the bills, funded the trips away, signed the lease, did the taxes, paid the rent (even when I wasn’t living there), supported him for a whole year when he was unemployed and took care of the details, then that would be me.
Since his death I have paid the ambulance costs, cleared out the house, paid for the damage he did to the house through neglect, cleaned the stains off the carpet, and settled the lease, all out of my own pocket. I guess I am one of the lucky ones because I am financially independent. I have no idea how I would have lived these past seven months if he had been supporting me financially and/or all of our money was in a joint account.
I urge you to think about what would happen if (God forbid) you or your partner died. Would you want to go through all this pain? Would you want your partner to? Go make a will, do it now. Do it before it’s too late.