True Confession: I’m Not Attracted to My Husband is written by an author who wishes to remain anonymous.
I first experienced a loss of sexual desire several years ago, just after I turned 40. For a long time, I thought it was me. I thought maybe it was my age.
After reading every book and article I could find on sex, relationships, and marriage, I started to wonder if maybe it wasn’t me. Maybe it was my marriage, maybe it was my husband.
I never wanted to be “that woman“. The one that screwed around on her husband. But, I had an affair about six or seven years ago. It didn’t last long. But, that’s when I knew my marriage was over. It wasn’t a lack of sexual desire, it was a lack of desire for my husband. I didn’t want him or the marriage. There was nothing wrong with my sex drive.
I told my husband that I’d had an affair. He changed for about a month or so. He was very loving and attentive. But it didn’t last. He loves differently than I need to be loved and it’s just not in him to love me that way.
A few months after I ended the affair, I got involved with someone else. I know. I shouldn’t have. I’ve experienced things with this other man that I never thought possible. Felt things I thought were only possible in movies.
He’s a romantic. Not flowers or candy or jewellery, but he talks and listens. He hears me. He tries to understand me and give me what I need. Deep, intimate conversations. Looking into one another’s eyes. Soft caresses. Words of adoration. These things he gives me almost daily.
I never knew I needed romance because I’d never had it. This is how I need to be loved.
After having felt this way, I can’t stay in my marriage. It’s not fair to either of us.
I’m not sure what happened.
Did we grow apart?
Did one or both of us change?
Do people’s needs change as they get older?
I don’t know. All I know is what I need now and life is too short to settle for anything less.
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